The Inner Demon
by Awkward Ninja
Summary: Genma's early life is changed, and these changes ripple through everyone he has ever met. Quite a bit of drama and even more action, with a generally humorous tone and a sometimes surreal atmosphere with just a tinge of horror. Now rated M for heckspawn.
1. Chapter 1: It Begins

Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to any characters and/or symbolism in this fic. I think. Unless this is all a part of an elaborate conspiracy. Which... it isn't.

The Inner Demon

Ten years ago...

"Genma. Please take Ranma and raise him to be a man," Nodoka urged Genma as they stood on the Saotome family's front porch.

"I will not return until he has properly developed..." Genma paused,"... on pain of death."

"I do intend to hold you to that," Nodoka said. Genma nodded his head solemnly in response, before leading the young Ranma away from home...

Chapter 1: It begins...

One rainy afternoon in Nerima...

"Tendo,

Coming back from China with the boy.

,Saotome."

"Now now, Saotome and I go way back. I'm sure whichever one of you Ranma chooses will find the engagement agreeable, " Soun stated confidently to his three fuming daughters directly prior to a rapping on the front door, " Ah! I'll bet that's them now!"

What was on the other side was the last thing they had envisioned. A large, panting panda stomped in, leading a leashed, pouting redheaded girl behind.

The panda looked like it had leapt into an empty swimming pool a couple of times and it was also missing clumps of hair. The redhead,however, just looked unhappy. She was wearing a badly stained gi.

Soun blinked, then fainted dead away with a thump. Kasumi held her hand to her mouth, Nabiki laughed with caution at the sight, and Akane simply stared.

"It is a very long story, " Read a sign that the panda held up. "Please get me a kettle of hot water," read a following one. Kasumi blinked once, then headed dazedly for the kitchen in compliance.

Akane, feeling sympathy for the shy, sad girl that now sat on the floor in front of the open door, took a step toward her, but the panda angrily interposed itself, blocking her, but with a wary eye trained on the leashed girl.

"NO!" read the panda's simple sign.

It was at this point that Kasumi made her re-entrance with a kettle of hot water.

The panda snatched said kettle and poured the contents onto itself, then shrank into a man that managed to somehow find himself in a white gi.

"I think this requires a long explanation," stated the not visibly shaken Nabiki, who had been quietly assessing the situation while she had been dragging her father away from the entryway.

"In due time," The now bespectacled man replied grimly, "I must speak with..."

It was then that the man noticed that the other end of the leash was looped around the now closed door.

The realization then hit that no one had noticed any activity before.

"Sweet merciful powers! The boy is loose!" the man shouted in wide eyed horror.

"Boy?" Nabiki thought with a raised eyebrow.

"Saotome! " Soun shouted in surprise as he awoke, "I had a terrible hallucination!"

"Now where did Akane get off to?" Kasumi wondered aloud.

There was a loud slamming sound from the dojo.

"Oh GODS!" Genma paled, "He's already started!"

There I saw the pearl gleaming

beauty of a princess seeming.

Saw I no indicator of her merriment,

So I then thought to feed on painful sentiment...

It had been awhile since I had any fun.

Akane found that someone had turned the lights out in the dojo upon her entrance to the dojo, "Who-who's there? Is that Ranma?"

"wanna spar?"

"I-I d-don't want to s-spar in the d-dark!" Akane replied to the voice.

"i guess that's ok Sorry for scarin' ya"

"That's okay," Akane calmed.

"say, akane?Do you know what a kamaitachi is?"

"W-what?" Akane stammered as she heard the dojo's door slam shut, "How do you know my name?"

Eerie sounds began to whisper in the void of the darkened dojo

"Raanmaa! Cease and Desist! Cease and Desist!" Came with the sound of a loud pounding behind her.

Without warning the lighting returned and the door smoothly opened. The sudden light revealed a redhead softly sobbing(?) in an uncomfortable position against the wall.

The rest of the bunch flooded in, with the man eyeing Akane carefully. Kasumi and Soun helped the redhead up.

Nabiki stopped for a moment and met Akane's eyes as if to ask, "Don't tell me you were picking on her," before closing in to listen in as Genma joined with Soun and Kasumi. Somehow... this did not seem like Akane's work.

"Let's get you washed up," Kasumi said to the girl as they helped her past the stunned Akane.

Akane was almost certain that she heard a faint snicker as the girl passed her.

Shortly later, Akane decided that she could use a bath herself. She couldn't help but wonder what the Hell was happening here. She'd be damned if she'd get involved with whatever panda man, Saotome, was doing.

Elsewhere, Mr. Saotome was explaining to Soun what had happened in China...

"Okay, boy, if this doesn't make a proper man of you, nothing will," Mr. Saotome stated as he dragged Ranma behind him, toward what was known as the "Pool of Drowned Well-adjusted Man."

"No WAY!" Ranma shouted at the top of his lungs as he drop kicked his father into a pool, then jumped onto a bamboo pole near the pool Mr. Saotome had landed in. Mr. Saotome,however, was not what emerged from the pool. The emerging panda executed a rising front kick out of the pool, sending Ranma into another pool, from which emerged the red head, who immediately somersaulted out of the pool, "You fool! I'm all wet now!"

The elder Saotome sweatdropped.

"Oh! And I seem to have changed," Ranma shrugged.

"The boy is taking this a lot better than I am," Genma flinched.

"Ah well, I suppose panda meat tastes the same no matter what gender ya are!"

Back to the present...

"That was before we learned that the curse could be temporarily cancelled," Mr. Saotome finished, arms folded. It was during this recollection that Soun noticed that his old friend was badly scarred up. Saotome looked like he was about to say more when a timely loud smash sounded upstairs.

I could not understand why Kasumi had been so surprised when I shifted forms. Or that whole "I don't like people to talk to my voices" thing. I thought it was fun. Oh! It's that Akane girl! I don't get enough fun.

Akane walked past a pale, sweating Kasumi. Surely there was nothing that whimpering girl could have done to upset _Kasumi_, of all people. It was then that Akane saw who was splashing in the tub like a two year old.

Downstairs it was visible that something had landed in the Koi pond. Ranma-chan crawled bawling at the top of her lungs, "I've got dirty water all over meeeee!"

"Defcon 5!" Saotome bellowed as he swiftly stood with a terrified look in his eyes that had previously been saved only for the Master, as far as Soun remembered, "I knew it was foolish to let anyone else handle the boy!" Saotome was out of the house faster than a bullet. Unfortunately, Ranma-chan was a shade faster. She side kicked her father into the Koi pond with an intensified bout of tears.

Akane ran downstairs to follow the boy just in time to witness this unusual spectacle, just as had Nabiki. Kasumi decided it would be best to go to bed early.

Akane felt the slightest tinge of guilt. That is, until the panda rose from the pond. It became clear to her when Ranma-chan beat the tar out of said panda that there was no way her mallet could have hurt the girl in question. Which brought up an interesting dilemma: What flaw in judgement led her to believe that the boy she'd smashed was the same as the redhead? She decided that the boy must have flown even farther away than the backyard and that the girl had been thrown into the koi pond by the boy by some evil means. Yeah, that made sense. (despite this, Akane wondered if maybe she was beginning to imagine boys appearing everywhere.)

Nabiki, however, suspected that this was some sort of con game perpetrated by the Saotomes. This was trouble that she would have to deal with in the most careful manner...

Soun comforted the young lady and led her to the guest room, not believing that this gentle soul could be the same as the Ranma that his old friend (who had indeed suffered many head injuries) had described. (Despite having witnessed her toss a panda around)

He was reluctant to chain and padlock the girl to the bed, but Saotome was violently opposed to letting the girl go free in any way, shape, or form.

God! The iron snakes made it hard to move. And some kind of magic ward clasped the snakes together. Oh well! My Sensei handled worse than this. I'll just sleep now. Tomorrow is a new dawn! A new dawn for...

Kamaitachi! Mwahahahahahahaaaa!

"Soun. This is important. I did not bring Ranma here for the engagement," Genma whispered with as much intensity as he dared.

"That is quite obvious, Saotome," Soun stated seriously.

"You don't understand," Genma clenched his teeth, "I want you to help me seal him away!"

AN 7/29/03: The insanity begins. Don't worry, things will get more interesting soon enough. Since it'll probably come up a lot when Ranma gets loony, a Kamaitachi is a fast moving death machine of a monster. Ranma's ego gone bad. Way bad.

AN 7/6/04: It's been almost a year and now a revision! Well, it's not as rewarding as a new chapter, I guess... But I think that I have improved this as well as cleaned up some errors that bugged me in re-reads. I'd like to apologize now for not detailing this opening chapter very much, but it's not like you haven't seen something of this kind a million times.

AN 4/27/05: Nostalgia! Hopefully it will display correctly. By the way, you could actually skip these first three chapters without losing out very much. By that, I mean my chapters, not the chapters. Originally I was going to separate the clump of three chapters that made the first chapter and post them individually, but got lazy and posted them together. You can still see this in chapters 4-6. So technically, my 20 chapter fanfic is really a 16 chapter fanfic, and what I call my 16th chapter is really my 12th. Needless to say, the first two real chapters (1-3)&(4-6) will eventually be renumbered and the parts renamed. For now, my revised 1-3 (further revision to be done in the uncertain future) are separate. And completely ignorable. Seriously, only like one thing happens that has any meaning whatsoever. Unless I'm lying.


	2. Chapter 2: The Lovely Pigtailed Girl

Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to any characters and/or symbolism in this fic. I think. Unless this is all a part of an elaborate conspiracy. Which... it isn't.

The Inner Demon

Chapter 2: The Lovely Pig Tailed Girl

Soun had had quite a night. It was very obvious that Genma's childhood... "peculiarities" had resurfaced as child abuse. So Soun did the only logical thing. He kept Genma up all night drinking. He then dragged the Panda onto the sofa (ye gods, what a heavy creature!) and freed Ranma-chan, who was still asleep.

"Thank you, Mr. Tendo," Ranma-chan sniffled. Soun had a very hard time believing that this girl was the brash and excessively violent boy that Genma had described.

Hell spawned bane of the Earth, indeed.

Soun decided to selectively forget that he had definitely seen a boy fall into the koi and a girl crawl out.

"There is still some time before you need to get ready for school, so why don't you relax a bit?" Soun suggested sleepily.

"School?" Ranma-chan bolted up.

"Yes. I took the liberty of enrolling you when I recieved your father's letter," Soun stated.

"I see," Ranma-chan acknowledged plainly, with a slight facial tic that the half drunk and half asleep Soun missed.

They must be purified.

"Please, make yourself at home," Soun invited with partially artificial sympathy. He then called his daughters out of bed and to the living room.

"Daddy, why did you get us up so early?" Akane asked, still groggy.

"Oh my!" Kasumi said as she noticed Genma-panda, "Mr. Panda is passed out on our couch!"

"That panda is the same Genma Saotome I told you about," Soun stated grimly.

"THE Genma Saotome," Nabiki's eyes widened. A rare occasion it is when Nabiki expressed this level of surprise, "THAT is the SAOTOME you were expecting?"

"The Legendary Mad Martial Artist!" Akane choked out as Genma- panda scratched its nether regions in its sleep.

"One and the same," Soun stated as grimly (and maybe a bit more tipsily than) as before,

"But his marriage mellowed him."

"What if he goes berserk?" Akane dropped to her knees. The sound of the voice last night echoing in her mind. But...

No, Genma had been with the others... right?

"Now, Akane," Soun began with a fatherly tone (although perhaps too close to her face), "He and I were close under the Master. Both of us did things we weren't proud of," the panda passed gas on cue, "but we never harmed one another."

Soun selectively forgot the 'covert' incident... and the 'noodle' incident... and that one time in China... and the time in Osaka... then there were all those ninjas...

"So what about this marriage thing?" Nabiki asked, unsure that the bald, obese, and badly scratched up man that turned into a mangy panda could be GENMA SAOTOME.

"Well, I can't very well marry one of my daughters to a girl," Soun replied. Unless Jusenkyo had a 'Pool of Drowned... naah, that was too much.

"Then who is that girl?" Akane asked, directing her thumb back up the stairs.

"Ranma," Ranma said shyly as she descended said staircase tentatively. One would have to be very perceptive to notice the odd twitching of her hands.

The fat one is unconscious.

I am now free.

He is now down.

The ball is tossed to me.

It's gonna be fun.

The redhead was still wearing the dirty gi from last night.

Akane noted for the first time how disheveled the girl was. Probably hadn't bathed for weeks before yesterday. What hells she must've seen!

Blast 'em all and let the Kami sort 'em out.

Kasumi had left the discussion early. She didn't know how to express the feelings she had in this matter.

Whenever she thought about this situation, she felt odd in a different kind of way. The only way she saw to alleviate this was to cook the best breakfast possible.(having yet to discover the joys of selective forgetfulness enjoyed by Soun and Akane)

"Ah, Ranma!" Soun smiled with false cheer, he just felt so sorry for the poor girl.

Suckers.

"Kasumi is already cooking breakfast," He continued, "I'm afraid I had a boy's uniform picked out for you, you don't happen to have any clothes other than that gi?"

"No," Ranma-chan said, downcast. Though something about her would hint to a keen observer that the thought of the uniform wasn't really bothering her.

"I have a a spare uniform," Akane volunteered, not realizing the implications of a school uniform for Ranma.

"Wait!" Nabiki started, "You already enrolled her?"

"Well..." Soun sweatdropped, being put on the spot, "... it seemed like a good idea at the time."

"This could be bad," Nabiki thought, before saying, "I need leave early, so I need to get ready now." And casually walked up the stairs, nearly losing her cool from the strange glance Ranma-chan gave her as she passed.

"odd."

Curiousity drowned the cat in the koi pond outside.

Akane obliviously invited Ranma-chan into her room to pick out the uniform.

Soun sighed, then plopped down into a chair he'd recently purchased and slipped into the comforting oblivion of sleep. Instead of watching the drooling panda as he'd intended.

Nabiki left shortly after. Even though this meant missing breakfast, she knew it was of the utmost importance to prepare for Hurricane Ranma while there was still time.

Breakfast was a quiet affair. Soun had passed out in the living room and Kasumi was very uneasy around Ranma.

Akane was the only one that had even tried to talk to Ranma, but the girl only responded in shy, one word statements.

The rest of the morning passed this way, until they reached Furinkan, that is. Akane trashed the boys quicker than usual. This seemed strange, because some seemed to be K.O.'ed just by the wind of her blows.

Bah! Their ki is weak.

Then the Blue Thunder arrived, "Oh, Akane! How beauteous you are this morn! What a wonder it is to... who is this maiden whom you have no doubt..."

"I will accept Kama-chan," Ranma-chan said with a feral look. Akane cringed without noticing.

"Surely it is a jest that one of such feminine vitality would be known by such a low name," Kuno began, "I, Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, will slay the one who bestowed such a disgr-"

"You dare to insult my family?" Ranma-chan's eyes widened in fury, "I DEMAND satisfaction!" She yelled as she assumed an advanced combat stance.

"A thousand pardons!" Kuno bowed in forgiveness, "I did not realize it was your given name! I shall perform what duties I must in order to satify your honor!"

"You... did not?" Ranma-chan softened.

"I would not wish to incite such a fragile lady to injuring her delicate hands!" Kuno said with sincerity.

"Die womanizer!" Ranma-chan shouted, with an expression on her face similar to one that Akane might wear.

When Ranma-chan came within a yard of Kuno, which was a surprisingly short amount of time, something within the older boy shifted. Ranma would have been able to clobber Kuno before this shift, but now...

"It is a fire inside you that I adore!" Kuno cried and tightly embraced Ranma-chan, who shivered in revulsion.

How... could he be this fast? I MUST flay him now! There

can be no other adequate recompense for this insult!

Akane had been a silent observer in this. At first she wondered if this shy girl could be that fiend...

Then, when she witnessed _Kuno _pluck the girl out of a dead charge, she decided that the girl must have been traumatized last night.

Of course, this meant she _had_ to stop Kuno from further agitating the poor girl, "DIE PERVERT!"

Kuno would awaken three hours later in a tree.

The girl reverted to complete shyness after the event. Any attempt to question her about it was met with a blush of shame.

I must have retribution. Wait! I have the perfect tool.

Suffer will that fool!

Nabiki was stunned.

Akane could not have seen it from the ground, but it had been clear to Nabiki that "Kama chan" was deserving of that name.

Throughout Akane's thrash session, Ranma had darted in a blur from person to person, slicing them mildly with her bare hands.

No normal human could have done that.

Even though Kuno had miraculously halted the girl, Nabiki knew from experience that Akane had put him out of commission for the time being.

Nabiki would have to call off her other "Distractions," at least, for the time being.

This thing was simply beyond Furinkan High School.

The rest of the day passed without incident (aside from buearocratic errors relating to Ranma's gender) until Kuno popped up after school.

He was very polite, formally requesting a date. This was met with a cry of "DIE WOMANIZER," and a fierce uppercut on par with Akane's mallet.

When they returned home, Genma pounced on Ranma-chan and chained and padlocked her with practiced efficiency.

"Hey pops! Why thmmph-" Ranma-chan started before being gagged.

"You shall cast no more spells, today, demon!" Genma shouted in triumph, before laughing with said triumph.

"..." Was all that Akane could muster, completely unable to figure out what the heck was happening.

"Yup, that's definitely Genma Saotome," Nabiki deduced wisely as she slid in from behind Genma.

"Nabiki!" Akane shouted, frowning, "YOU did this, didn't you?"

You shall recieve judgement first, my sweet.

Nabiki saw the look in Ranma's eyes, and her would be triumphant laugh came out as a nervous chuckle.

Soun then walked in on this and, with a shocked expression, ungagged Ranma, "Good God, Genma How could you do this to your own daughter?"

"Daughter?" Genma started, as he poured a kettle of steaming water on the now male Ranma Saotome.

"Heh," the boy smirked merrily, "Sorry about this, I'm Ranma Saotome."

Akane's eyes rolled into the back of her head and her mind took a trip to la la land.

AN 7/30/03: Things have changed quite a bit, huh? Bet you

didn't expect to see Genma Saotome be refered to as

"The Legendary Mad Martial Artist." BTW in this chapter,

I have called Girl-type Ranma both Ranma-chan and plain

Ranma. This is according to the point of view of the thinker. I may have made an occasional mistake, but only from either a neutral point of view or from Genma or Ranma him/herself at this point should it have been Ranma-chan.

AN 7/6/04: And the Second was revised! I split some of the larger paragraphs, but this one is, for better or worse, largely untouched. For those of you just joining us, 1, 2, and 3 were originally joined as one post. As were 4, 5, and 6. This, of course, caused some trouble with numbering chapters, but ultimately led to my current format. So, 1-6 are the vestigal remains of a system of smaller chapters. If I went by that count throughout, I'd have some 45 rather small chapters. Dodged a bullet, I guess.

AN 4/27/05: I'd forgotten about using "-chan" or plain "Ranma", but then, it has been almost two years since I started this.


	3. Chapter 3: Enter Ryoga

Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to any characters and/or symbolism in this fic. I think. Unless this is all a part of an elaborate conspiracy. Which... it isn't.

The Inner Demon

Chapter 3: Enter Ryoga

Ryoga was in the middle of an expansive forest. He found it impossible to sleep regularly at night because of the horrible visions of the monster that had ruined his life. The one that haunted his every step.

He could feel the thing's eyes on him, even though he knew in his mind that it could not really be there.

In retrospect, maybe he should have just let the snarling beast have the damned bread.

"RANMA!" Ryoga shouted, "BECAUSE OF YOU I'M IN HELL!" This quite startled the squirrel in the tree Ryoga was facing

In the Tendo household, though, it was peaceful... relatively speaking.

"I shall sleep in the boarded up guest room with the boy," Genma spoke gravely, "I shall wake every four hours to report. Should I fail to report, then you must evacuate immediately!"

"Is this not somewhat extreme?" Soun asked his friend, who was carrying a hammer, plywood, and a bucket of nails. " And will it not be somewhat difficult to get back out?"

"Tendo, you are my most valued friend, but you have not the slightest idea how dangerous he really is," Genma frowned.

"I can't believe it, Saotome," Soun frowned in return, "There is no way that he could be that dangerous."

All chains have weak links. It is weakness that founds strength.

Chains are also quite tasty.

"Tendo," Genma furrowed his brow in agitation, "Ranma is easily the most dangerous person one could engage in hand-to-hand combat. I daresay that even the Mas-"

"Don't say that Genma!" Soun's heart skipped a bit, "What if he's listening?"

The jesters were holding court in the dragon's den.

How fun. Now I shall have revenge!

Nabiki slept peacefully, completely unaware of the string that was lowered from a small, fist shaped hole in the ceiling to the tips of her lips.

Then, a few drops of clear liquid slid down the string and onto her lips.

A low chuckle sounded as Ranma crawled back to the trapdoor that led down to his "domain".

"Very well, Saotome," Tendo slumped, " But on one

condition!"

"Condition?" Genma was not pleased with where this was going.

"Give my daughters a chance to reform him," Soun requested seriously.

Muwahahahahaha!

"Tendo?" Genma felt a little dizzy, "Are you deaf? Ranma is the devil himself!"

"Saotome, if this is in fact the truth, then I will have no one to blame but myself," Soun pushed.

"God have mercy on us all for your stupidity," Genma sighed, "I hope I am able to see you in the morning, Soun. Good night." And with that, Genma proceeded out of the living room, and to the guest bedroom, where he found Ranma still chained and sleeping.

What evil could that child dream?

Ryoga had escaped the forest, but now he was in an even more unfamiliar setting, "Where the hell am I now?"

A nearby clothed ape loudly proclaimed to his/it's date, "It's time to go home, Alice, the riff-raff has come out."

"DAMN YOU RANMA!" Ryoga shouted, dropping to his knees in Ape Town.

The next morning, Ranma got up early and tied up his still sleeping father with what remained of his chewed up chains, gagging him for good measure.

Then he looked down at the girl's uniform he was wearing and shuddered.

He rummaged around in the dirty gi of his that had been left on the floor, and somehow managed to find a red chinese shirt and black slacks, "This ought to do," he muttered as he changed.

Ranma left the guest room and sauntered down the hall to knock on Akane's door.

"Yes, yes, I'm coming," Akane groggily informed the person that had knocked on her door. When she reached the door, she met a strange boy that looked very much like...

"Umm... I'm here to return this uniform, " Ranma said politely. He waited a few minutes for a response, then he just lifted one of Akane's arms and draped the uniform over it, "House full of loonies."

On cue, the sound of a wolf howling mournfully filled the air.

"Showtime!" Ranma smiled.

A strange scene unfolded in Nabiki's room. Soun was shaking a whimpering wolf violently. And questioning it as to the whereabouts of his middle daughter.

"Speak! Speak damn you!" Soun demon headed, "Where is Nabiki?"

"Rooooo!" the wolf in girl's pajamas responded.

"I think I know where she is," Ranma chuckled evilly before splashing the wolf with water from a heated kettle.

"Rooo-augh!" Nabiki uncontrollably vomited on Soun's gi. Soun dropped his daughter in surprise, then began crying profusely.

"My work is done here," Ranma stated proudly before leaving to gather his stuff for school. With a chuckle, he pocketted another vial from his old gi, which he had hidden in a compartment he had made the last night.

Let their forms match their souls, I say.

"Mmm mmm mphmph mph mmm-mph mph mph (You will never get away with this)!" Genma exclaimed.

"heh heh ha hahahahaha! Muwahahahahahahaaaa!" Ranma laughed, smiling like a crazed beast, then

suddenly sobered and bowed, "Excuse me!" and left for school without breakfast.

Upon arrival, he noticed that many boys were having a strategy meeting on the front grounds.

"Hiro! You use the bat."

"Yes!"

"Yusuke! Try not to trip over Goemon when he is inevitably thrown at Ken."

"Ah-hem!" Ranma cleared his throat, "Do you know where Tatewaki Kuno is?"

"I believe he is preparing some roses for his ultimate attack in the Kendo hall."

"Thank you," Ranma smirked as he headed in that direction.

"Hey! Wait! Are you new?"

The boy's question never made it into Ranma's mind.

Now I shall recieve recompense for my dishonor yesterday!

No flesh shall be spared!

No flesh shall be spared!

NO FLESH SHALL BE... is that a 10 yen coin?

Upon entering the hall (Vacant except for Kuno), Ranma called out, "Kunooo!"

The Kendoist stood and eyed Ranma seriously, "A new student that has undoubtably heard of my famous personage! The Blue-"

"I am here to avenge a dishonor!" Ranma said, smirking evilly, "You have mistrea-"

"I shall have the name of the one who would be trounced by my awesome power," Kuno demanded seriously as he blusteringly approached the pig-tailed lunatic.

"Ranma Saotome, master of the Kamaitachi substyle of the style of the Saotome School of Anything Goes," Ranma frowned.

"Ranma... Saotome?" Kuno's eyes bugged, "The Famed Shinobi responsible for the dastardly happenings at..."

"Enough!" Ranma narrowed his eyes, "You have mistreated... a... disciple of my school. For this the punishment will fit the crime."

"Please!" Kuno dropped to his knees in tears, "Please do not strike me down in such dishonorable style as secret assassination! For Kuno is the name of one who seeks only glorious death on the field of battle, having vanquished many foes! Lo, and having destroyed the rank and file, a samurai of the stature of a Kuno could only then fall and fall only to the blade of the noblest..."

Ranma deadpanned.

The hall darkened and all of the exits locked as a strange laughter began to echo throughout.

A sharp blow to the back of Kuno's head sent him spiraling into a purple haze of unconsciousness.

"heh tHat Should do iT"

Kuno felt he was falling...falling...falling... was that a 10 yen piece?

"Sir!" A boy awakened Kuno.

"Uhhhh-ooowww," Kuno blinked groggily. He was lying face first on the floor. Apparently he had fallen asleep in his meditation. And then flown two yards. And developed an odd bump on the back of his head. And concentrated himself to the point of being disconcerted. Kuno felt his prowess was simply amazing.

"Akane has reached the perimeter!" The boy exclaimed.

Kuno rose with a second wind, " Verily! I shall strike forth to claim the beauteous Akane as my wife!"

He completely missed the shocked and redfaced look on the boy's face as he headed forth.

He felt cramped for some reason. "Surely the Blue Thunder has not been seized by a lowly cold prior to such momentous occurance!" He shouted as he walked by a pair of now-frightened pidgeons, "Mayhaps my unbelievable ability to enter Zen trance has surpassed my body's own unbelievable fortitude?"

He made his way to the front of the school. "Damnation! I have been so soft minded as to forget my carefully prepared roses!" He felt strangely inclined to either cry or beat someone senseless,"This! This is clearly my own fault! But they don't need to know! No... no... Akane shall reject me! I know it!"

Akane made her way through the usual crowd of boys. It was such a chore.

Then there was Ranma.

She'd had a terrible nightmare last night that Ranma was really the boy she had found in the bathroom that first night.

No way.

Then there was Nabiki.

Nabiki now turned into a wolf in the way that Mr. Saotome turned into a Panda.

She didn't know what was going on, but suspected the worst.

Their house must be demonically possessed!

Akane had finished off the last of the boys and had turned to Kuno, just before the swordsman could decide that the roses would have to be destroyed just so that Akane need never know that he had imperfectly forgotted such a thing, but surely... surely she would forgive him when she beheld his masculinity!

He began his speech, "Fair Akane! I meet thee this morn to d-" Kuno found himself disrupted by his very body in the middle of his speech by his first period.

Wait.

There was something very wrong about that statement.

The last thing he remembered before passing out was seeing Ranma Saotome wave at him from the fencepost in the background.

Akane decided it would be best to just step over the fainted Kendoist and head to class. Akane would reserve his punishment for when she figured out what that display was supposed to mean.

Ranma followed suit, but was splashed by water from a spontaneously malfunctioning water fountain.

She now decided just to ignore this and head onward. It would likely be less of a nuisance this way, anyway.

Akane noted Ranma's entrance, and was relieved to see that Ranma was still female, if soaked.

The teacher demanded an explanation for the breach of uniform out of Ranma, who blushed and said, "I-I just don't have a clean uniform for today."

The teacher was softened by the girl's nervousness. She decided to let it slip today, "Just don't let it happen tomorrow."

Cutesy, cutesy. You will bleed for this. I shall wear what I want, fool! But, I suppose it would not do to expose my power just yet to you.

Kuno had gone through most of the day ignoring the change and the red stain.

She simply refused to believe the current state of affairs.

The all-mighty Tatewaki Kuno could not possibly have... changed in her sleep.

It was unheard of! Even among the peasants.

Unless... "Unholy sorceror! I shall destroy thee!"

Ranma had just exited the bathroom in his normal form when Kuno-chan charged him, bokken raised high. Kuno-chan was way faster than Ranma had thought possible.

In girl-form, Kuno was like a lightning bolt. It was impossible to simply dodge.

Ranma decided to run.

There would be time enough for fighting later. It was then that Ranma found himself on the other side of a window, with Kuno in pursuit. They landed in the school pool.

When they emerged, Kuno-chan immediately glomped onto Kama-chan, who uppercutted her into the sky, "Womanizer."

Yes! Suffer for my indignity!

The students that had gathered clapped and cheered, but almost none had any idea where that perverted swordswoman had come from.

Ranma made her way, grumbling, into the school proper, wringing her clothing

When school was over, Ranma and Akane headed back home.

"So, where were you this morning?" Akane asked as they walked.

"I left for school early," Ranma smirked, strutting with an awful lot of masculinity.

"I see," Akane felt troubled for some reason, probably partially under the fear that Ranma was some kind of pervert, "So... you didn't come by my room?"

"Of course I did, to return your uniform," Ranma smiled.

"My eyes must have been playing tricks on me," Akane muttered, even more confused.

"Say, do you know where I could find some hot-"

"RAAANMAAA! Prepare to die!" a boy in a yellow shirt and a tiger striped bandanna yelled as he

waved a bamboo umbrella threateningly. He was raging at a tree.

"Uhh, who are you again?" Ranma-chan asked the boy with a puzzled expression.

"Don't you remember?" Ryoga shouted at Akane, "I can't sleep at night because of you!"

"I'm over here," Ranma-chan tapped the boy on the shoulder.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" The boy shouted as he feinted back and threw a bunch of razor sharp bandannas in various directions.

Ranma-chan casually dodged the few that were heading anywhere near her.

Then the boy punched down a tree, then turned around and hopped in fright before foward kicking a fire hydrant into someone's house. The water from the hydrant drenched the boy, leaving behind a small black piglet.

"Heh, not so tough," Ranma smirked before turning to

see that Akane's hair was now a much shorter size.

"My... hair..." Akane looked as though she had been

slapped.

She must've been in shock since it was cut.

Ranma-chan ran over to the piglet, scooped it up and handed it to Akane, "Hey, hey! Don't cry! You've got a new pet!"

Can't blow my cover... can't let this pest get away...

Akane sniffled as she held the cute, nervous little piglet. "Thanks Ranma..."

"Hey, c'mon! I bet your hair'll be nice with a little sprucin'" Ranma encouraged.

Yeah! We could just separate it at the scalp when we get to a nice, private place.

"You're such a nice girl, Ranma," Akane sniffled as she and the double shuddering Ranma headed home.

I'm gonna puke! Hmmm... I wonder if the others'll appreciate it's subtle flavoring in their breakfast?

The piglet passed out from being held so close to Ranma Akane. It slept for the first time in over a week.

AN 8/2/03 : If you think things are bad now, wait until

the other central characters are introduced. Like Shampoo.

Also: What happens when Ryoga becomes suddenly able to

correctly decide whether Ranma is the tree he's looking

at or the pig tailed havoc reveler?

AN 7/11/04 : Wow, the first post broken into three different chapters and revised! Well, I think I tied Ranma's thought balloons in a little bit more and added some more comic foils for the dramatic/horror portions.

I'll bet this is a real disappointment, though, if you

wanted a new chapter. At least I'm not letting the fic die.

AN 4/27/05: I somehow remember the first three chapters being a little less... Anyway, you could probably skip them and not be more confused about the later ones. Of course, it's too late at this point. You can't unread what you have just read. I promise that most of the story is better. This is like the pilot episode. Y'know, it's not so great but it gives you a general idea about the series.


	4. Chapters 4,5, and 6

Disclaimer: Same as chapter one. I promise that I have not even attempted to buy or steal, in some fashion, the rights to these characters since chapter one.  
  
The Inner Demon  
  
Heh heh. It's gotta be a joke. The beast known as Ranma Saotome is living with three girls and their father, who happens to own a dojo. They are sleeping in the same house as evil incarnate. Innocent people attaching themselves to a monster... of their own free will! I must do something about this!  
  
Chapter 4: The Demon Cometh! Run Now!  
  
Yesterday reached an entertaining climax. Too bad it ended with such a whimper. My new favorite toy, Akane Tendo, had her hair fixed, Nabiki Tendo has apparently vegged out, Pops isn't going anywhere, Kasumi is boring, and Mr. Tendo is too busy crying to realize who "poisoned his daughter." My only hope is that something interesting will happen with the pig.  
  
A softly whimpering piglet could be heard, at least by Ranma, from Akane's room.  
  
I suppose that won't be happening tonight. "G'night Pops!" Ranma exclaimed cheerfully to Genma, who was securely bound and gagged. Ranma splashed himself with some warm water from the kettle he'd brought to the guestroom and then made himself comfortable in his futon.  
  
Genma watched his son's breathing carefully. It would be bad to make any sudden moves if Ranma were still aware. When he was sure that his son was indeed sleeping, he began to analyze the situation.  
  
Ok, he remembered seeing Ranma chained and sleeping. Then he had checked Ranma's chains. They seemed to give a little, but were otherwise effective. Wait... the boy must have been holding them!  
  
In retrospect, it was a little foolish to drink with Soun after what had happened the last time. Judging from the crying and the howling, Ranma had done something. At least it seemed that no one was dead yet. This scenario had inflicted itself on Genma before. Once during the "Nekoken incident," and again during the "Hong Kong Incident." Both had left several innocents and policemen injured or dead. Genma realized that Ranma was possibly just as bad as the Master. He knew that he had to end this before Ranma could completely surpass him. Before Ranma's last vestiges of decency were lost. There was simply no way to contain him short of sealing him away.  
  
When he emerged from his thoughts, Genma saw the kettle as if for the first time. The chains around him were tight. Perfect for a human, but a panda...  
  
The slightly overweight man moved like a caterpillar towards the kettle by Ranma's futon. He managed after a few minutes to knock it over, onto his head. He soon realized that it wasn't cool enough and that some had splashed onto a now wide awake Ranma.  
  
"Stupid old man," Ranma snarled as he stood up, "Now I'm all wet!"  
  
Genma's eyes widened when he realized that Ranma had an extreme dislike for getting wet. Normally this would end with Ranma subdued, but normally Genma was not tied up.  
  
Ranma was loudly thrashing his father when he heard water splash somewhere. That could be bad.  
  
Ryoga grimaced when he realized he was nude. He then dug into a nearby laundry hamper. He found a nasty brown gi. It was better than nothing. He swiftly donned it, then decided that as much as he wanted to run from Ranma, he would have to save this household from him first.  
  
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We're gonna have bacon tomorrow!  
  
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Ryoga had awakened earlier in cursed form and had "explored" the house while he was looking for hot water (that he could reach). He could only come to the conclusion that everyone in the house was insane.  
  
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I can see you, but you can't see me!  
  
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Ryoga glanced into the bathroom mirror as he was looking for an exit, when he noticed a disturbance in the air behind him. It was as if the light behind him was warping...  
  
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Umisenken! Umisenken! Time to roast, piglet!  
  
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He then realized he wasn't alone. He threw his ever present volley of bandannas in every direction, hoping to decapitate his would be assailant. To no avail.  
  
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Forbidden technique of Anything Goes! Ironic, huh?  
  
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"Descending Blade Blast!" Ranma shouted as he countered from midair. Ryoga only narrowly dodged. The wall behind him wasn't so lucky. A spray of water hit Ranma and the ceiling light, shorting it out and leaving Ryoga in the dark.  
  
No no no! It's just like my nightmare!  
  
"yes. i Suppose it iS like YOUR nightmare."  
  
"What!?" Ryoga punched what turned out to be a wall.  
  
"hah Child's Play. i Suppose you wanT to kill the KamaItachi???"  
  
Ryoga's eyes widened in fear. He was reliving every unpleasant memory he'd every had. Perhaps for the first time in years, his direction sense lead him where he wanted to go: Away from the evil voice. He wasn't sure what route he took, but he soon found himself in the middle of nowhere. He breathed a sigh of relief. Then he realized that his stuff was on some street corner somewhere in Nerima. He couldn't travel without his supplies. Damn that Ranma!  
  
"Ranma Saotome! I'll kill you yet!" He roared, either forgetting his fear or thinking he was safe.  
  
"Will you now?" a female voice asked before everything went black.  
  
[AN: Chapters four and five will be shorter than six]  
  
Chapter 5: The Amazon Huntress  
  
The Tendo household was in complete disarray the following morning. No one had slept well the previous night. Possibly due to the explosion that blasted a large chunk of wall away where the bathroom sink used to be. Ranma had disappeared and the door to the guest room was locked. Maybe Nabiki could have gotten in, if she weren't such a wreck at the moment. She just kept muttering "He's coming."  
  
Kasumi was looking better though. Maybe whatever had spooked her a few days ago was no longer a big deal.  
  
Soun, however, was an absolute mess. He'd slept on the couch and was wearing a stained gi. He spent most of his time crying. Kasumi politely cleaned around him and Akane decided it would be best not to get too close.  
  
Nabiki had awakened, but she seemed dazed. There were a few form switches during the day, but she didn't seem to care. Akane suspected that Nabiki was having a break down. Maybe she'd forget about everyone's tabs?  
  
P-Chan was missing, which probably related to Ranma's absence, but Akane could only guess. She didn't remember much about yesterday after her hair was mutilated. It hadn't been that hard to get fixed, at least. Everything that had happened was connected somehow, but Akane just couldn't figure it out. Maybe the dojo was possessed? Maybe Mr. Saotome was behind it. The Legendary Mad Martial Artist was known to do all sorts of things. Maybe he was into magic? He did turn into a panda after all. His misterious absence just as things got worse seemed awfully fishy. The bald, mildly overweight man in the dirty gi must have caused it. Yeah, that's it!  
  
Things just weren't going well for Genma Saotome. Oh sure, he'd fought monsters and Kung-Fu demigods before, but Ranma had a nasty habit of blind siding him. Currently, he was suspended from the ceiling in panda form. The previous chains had been replaced with a much stronger variety. As if life couldn't be worse, the floor below him taunted him with his favorite foods. The boy would pay for this.  
  
Ranma-chan, on the other hand, was having a great time on the other side of Nerima. She was busy conning the unsuspecting out of money and food. Truly, nothing could ruin this-  
  
"Why if it is not Kama-chan!" Kuno entered dramatically into her path as she walked away from the last sucker, "What fortuitous happenstance! Tis truly my pleasure to escort thee to thy abode."  
  
Ranma-chan grabbed a convenient bucket of water, emptied it on Kuno, and then unleashed her patented uppercut.  
  
"Perhaps she would prefer to be carried?" Kuno pondered as she reached the apex of the upward climb.  
  
Ranma-chan continued on her merry way, completely oblivious of the eyes following her. This wouldn't matter, except for the existance of one pair in the background.  
  
"Kama girl die soon."  
  
It had been hell for Genma to dislocate his right arm and unbind his ankles. His freedom came at a price, because pandas do not always land on their feet. Now his (currently) tight fitting gi was stained with a rainbow of colors. It pained him to ruin all that delicious food, but it was either that or await the fate that the boy had planned for him. Now he just had to get out of the room without springing a trademark Saotome booby trap. Genma-panda tiptoed towards the door. He was easily close enough to unlock and open it when he heard a suspicious sounding click. The boy would pay for this.  
  
Akane thought she'd heard a loud thump from the main house as she was smashing various objects in the dojo in lieu of the bricks Soun usually stocked. She passed it off as her imagination and turned to her next lawn gnome. She was feeling a lot of anger at the moment and couldn't help but hate the smiling, two-foot jerks.  
  
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I wonder if the fat man has tripped my razor dart trap yet?  
  
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That was a close call. About ten shuriken-like darts had passed within centimeters of his body. he had saved himself by flying into a reverse somersault, which ended with him lying face flat on Ranma's futon. He rose and brushed himself off. Then he heard a creaking above him.  
  
Kasumi liked to clean. She could just forget all of the worrisome little details of life and concentrate on ironing, cooking, or fixing the bathroom! There was nothing that scrubbing a floor couldn't cure.  
  
Genma had managed to dodge the oversized Tanuki statue that had fallen onto the floor he'd been lying on a moment ago by pressing against the wall. Said wall was apparently coated with a thermal bond adhesive. This fic would be NC-17 if Pandas could talk.  
  
Meanwhile, Ranma-chan was finding her way back to the Tendo's to stash some of her winnings. If Nabiki was still out of it, it was unlikely that the money would be disturbed.  
  
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Any who dare touch the loot of the Kamaitachi will be beaten and tossed into a pit of cats.  
  
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But first, she'd have to deal with the one that followed her. She ducked into a dark alley and pretended to be unaware of the one that silently pursued her.  
  
Said pursuer landed neatly in front of her. An Amazon. So damn persistant.  
  
"So you followed me all the way from Joketsuko?" Ranma-chan smirked darkly.  
  
"Kama-chan is to be dead!" The young woman narrowed her eyes at Ranma as she stepped into a ray of light. It was a tall, purple haired woman in revealing Chinese clothing, "It order of Amazon nation. You die!"  
  
"Hah!" Ranma-chan chuckled derisively, "You are in over your head."  
  
"Maybe so, but there be more after Shampoo!" the young woman frowned angrily.  
  
"So then," Ranma-chan narrowed her eyes, "Shampoo. Have you made peace with your diety!?" With that, Ranma-chan blurred and Shampoo took a vicious elbow from behind before she could even take a stance. Ranma-chan was gone before Shampoo stood, which was an exercise in futility after Ranma-chan descended into a dive kick into Shampoo's shoulder.  
  
"Coward!" Shampoo shouted as she struggled to her feet once more, "Fight Shampoo in open!"  
  
"As you wish," Ranma-chan stated as she stepped into a beam of light. The look on her otherwise pretty face was a smile reflecting extreme malice.  
  
Shampoo charged but was cut short as Ranma-chan unleashed a volley of punches almost too fast to be seen. She stumbled backwards a few feet, "Chestnuts roasting on open fire!?"  
  
"Makin' me laugh won't save ya now," Ranma-chan said with a phonily cheerful tone as she dashed forward with a killing blow at the ready.  
  
Shampoo's entire life flashed before her eyes. Her only regret was willing her property to Lotion. She was saved at the last minute, though, when the wall to her left exploded. The bricks and dust deterred Ranma-chan's advance.  
  
"Knock-knock," a bruised, bleeding, and otherwise torn up Ryoga muttered as he punched the wall in, "I'll bet you thought the cement mixer would be the end of me, huh, Ranma?"  
  
"Well, yes actually," Ranma-chan admitted with clear sincerity.  
  
"Heh," Ryoga's face twisted into a snarl, "Let me introduce you to the move I perfected to escape... I call it the Futai no Wami [AN: Unsure of spelling...]"  
  
"Beast man know blasting point hole!?" Shampoo's eyes widened in disbelief.  
  
Ryoga punched at Ranma-chan, who easily dodged backwards. The punch created a small crater and collapsed another wall. Ryoga had been powerful before, but this crater was the largest ever. He didn't even notice that his hand was bleeding profusely. It was clear to Shampoo that the boy was superhumanly strong, but not a true user of the bakusai tenketsu.  
  
"Hmm... You are strong, but I'm outta both of your leagues," Ranma-chan grinned, "Maybe I'll keep you alive a little longer."  
  
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Bet Akane'd like a stuffed piglet.  
  
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Ranma-chan sighed and entered the Tendo residence. At least there would be some entertainment during her stay. If only she could have anticipated that Genma could pull a chunk of wall plaster off. Imagine Ranma-chan's surprise when Genma pounced her the moment the door opened and cuffed her wrists and ankles. Talk about deja vu.  
  
[AN: There's a good reason why Shampoo and Ryoga aren't giving Ranma as hard a time as Kuno, it'll be explained eventually.]  
  
Chapter 6: The Demon Slayer.  
  
Ranma was in his normal form, tied to a chair in the living room. They'd confiscated his "winnings" and were now deciding his fate. Right in front of his face.  
  
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How unfortunate. I suppose I should start digging holes in the garden at the earliest chance.  
  
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"The boy is a danger to all who live!" Genma shouted, his back still covered in plaster.  
  
"Maybe it's all just a mistake?" Akane suggested.  
  
"I have been travelling with Ranma for ten years," Genma stated seriously, "This is easily the closest he has ever come to complete and permanent lawlessness!"  
  
"Genma," Soun waggled a finger, "Surely you haven't forgotten the good old days when you were tossing dragon corpses around in the streets of Tokyo?"  
  
"I never maimed anyone before laughing in the person's face!" Genma defended.  
  
"What about Tsurusennin?" Soun countered.  
  
"That was because of the damned statue!" Genma's face reddened.  
  
"Excuses, excuses," Soun laughed triumphantly.  
  
Nabiki seemed to completely recover at this point and decided it would be best to excuse herself. Kasumi had done so a few minutes ago, under the pretense of picking something up from Dr. Tofu.  
  
"Hey, this rope's cuttin' off my circulation, could you loosen it?" Ranma asked with a smile.  
  
"Sure..." Akane moved towards Ranma, but was intercepted by Genma, who lifted the chair out of Akane's reach.  
  
"Never, EVER do what the boy tells you to do!" Genma shouted before setting the chair down a few feet away from Akane roughly and gagging his son.  
  
"Saotome," Soun's expression was very serious, "This is ridiculous! Ranma has done nothing wrong."  
  
"Why were you crying when I found you!?" Genma became hysterical from frustration. Couldn't they see that the boy was rapidly destroying everything, " Where do you think I was during my absence!?"  
  
"I assumed you had found some good sake," Soun responded before turning to Akane, "Sake is largely the reason that Genma Saotome is known as the Legendary Mad Martial Artist."  
  
"That's about enough of this, Tendo!" Genma ground his teeth, "I will bet you five bottles of good sake that the boy did to you whatever made you tear up!"  
  
"I probably did," Ranma conceded, grinning, having somehow gotten his gag off.  
  
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What would YOU do for a klondike bar?  
  
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Everyone looked at Ranma in surprise, "What?"  
  
"Never mind," Soun dismissed.  
  
"We must seal him away!" Genma made hand motions to that effect as he spoke, "Possibly in a Mayan temple."  
  
"Wait!" Akane broke in, " I've seen him do nothing wrong!"  
  
"My daughter is right, Saotome!" Soun supported.  
  
"Fine!" Genma stomped a small crater into the floor, "I will be going on a training trip. The both of you can be responsible for the monster while I'm away! I hope you still have hair when I get back!" With that, Genma stamped out of the house, grumbling.  
  
"That was rude," Ranma smiled.  
  
"Hmph!" Soun folded his arms, "He'll be back."  
  
"Daddy, why did Mr.Saotome wear that bandanna?" Akane asked her father.  
  
"Umm..." Soun turned his head back to the smiling Ranma, who had somehow freed himself and was playing with broken handcuffs. He must have picked up some escape tricks while on the road. Yeah, that's it.  
  
"Don't you have a shape changing daughter to deal with?" Ranma asked Soun, who responded by dropping to his knees melodramatically and crying.  
  
"I hope Pops'll be okay by himself," Ranma looked thoughtful.  
  
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3...2...1...  
  
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A rainstorm started up as Ranma snickered.  
  
"Raining again?" Ryoga looked upwards before shape changing into the piglet. Now he was a piglet in the middle of Nerima. Things were not looking up.  
  
After the fight, Ryoga and the gramatically challenged girl parted ways. Actually, they had agreed to partner up to eliminate Ranma. This, of course, meant that Ryoga would invariably be separated from her. This was doubly ironic, as he had spent the better part of his young life trying to escape Ranma, whom he had somehow managed to run into no matter where he went. His combat skills were built around destroying any obstacle that could possibly prevent him from getting away from Ranma. Now he had taken it upon himself to destroy the demon. He had no doubt that he did not have the skills to win. Now he had lost all of his gear and might never find it. Except for his bandannas, of course. He always had plenty of them. That wasn't an issue, though. What was an issue was...  
  
"Why, P-Chan!" a familiar looking young woman with an umbrella turned to him, "What are you doing here in the rain?" She scooped him up and cradled him like a baby, "Akane was looking all over for you, you naughty piggy." She then proceeded back into Dr. Tofu's clinic to dry off the piglet to prevent it from catching cold.  
  
"K-Kasumi!" Tofu nearly fell over himself as she entered, "How strange to see you here again so soon!"  
  
"I just came back to dry off Akane's lost piggy,"  
  
Kasumi smiled.  
  
"The s-same one that R-Ranma gave her?" Tofu seemed to sober slightly. Not that his current patient looked any more relieved.  
  
"The very same," Kasumi's smile wavered.  
  
Tofu nodded and went into the back, returning to the room with a towel. He proceeded to dry off the piglet. The part of his mind that was still rational considered the importance of Ranma Saotome's attachment to the Tendo household. Soun Tendo's relationship with Genma Saotome and the demonic human Happosai had been the entire reason he had set up shop in Nerima. He had had hell following the three before. He probably would have retired from his job if they had not caused so much havoc. It was surprising that Hotsuma had not approached Tofu when Genma came into town. It was just inconcievable that Saotome could have given him the slip.  
  
It was at this point in his thoughts that he realized that Kasumi had left and that he had started acupuncture on a patient that had come in for a routine chiropractering session.  
  
"I wonder if Hotsuma has freaked anyone out at the Tendo dojo?" Tofu thought aloud, hardly reassuring his patient.  
  
Ranma was meditating in the dojo when Akane entered, "So, you really are a guy. "  
  
"Yep, sorry if that disappoints you," Ranma smiled, without moving.  
  
"You..." Akane hesitated as she sat beside Ranma, "...aren't some kind of pervert, are you?"  
  
"What's perverse to you?" Ranma asked, still perfectly still.  
  
"... A guy that comes onto every girl he meets," She had been surprised by this question, "or someone that..."  
  
"I see..." Ranma chuckled, "I'd have to say no, then. I'm a guy and I like girls, and I ain't a pervert by your definition."  
  
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I like blood. A lot.  
  
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Akane seemed to sigh in relief. She wanted to believe him so badly for some reason, that she did. Maybe not in her heart of hearts, but she certainly believed it outwardly.  
  
Ranma then stood and chuckled, "So pig boy has returned?"  
  
Akane was puzzled by this statement, "Who's pig boy?"  
  
Moments later, Kasumi showed up smiling at the entrance to the dojo, with P-Chan in her arms. The little piglet was fidgeting nervously, which Akane took to be the effect of cold weather.  
  
Ryoga was very frightened at the moment. He had had a hard enough time fighting Ranma as a human. As a pig? He recognized a very terrifying look in Ranma's eyes. This was the true Kamaitachi that he had been living in fear of all these years.  
  
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Pork chops.  
  
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Ryoga prayed that Ranma would say something to give away his true identity. He didn't care if these people knew that he, Ryoga Hibiki, turned into P-Chan, if it meant not being killed and eaten by the monster in front of him.  
  
"P-Chan!" Akane smiled as she stood and recieved the shivering piglet. She had the cutest pink bow in her room, which she HAD to try on her little piggy.  
  
Ranma looked directly at the pig, having decided to let Akane torture him as he stewed over his eventual fate.  
  
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Need something to trap him in his cursed form first. I wonder why they haven't found me out yet?  
  
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"Life turn bad for Shampoo," Shampoo muttered as she limped around in Tokyo, looking for a place to rest, "Shampoo no want die. Shampoo no can find beast man." It was then that Shampoo spotted a brown gi. She made her way towards it as quickly as possible under the circumstances. She examined it. It was every bit as ragged as it had been on the beast man. There was no way anyone would discard clothing this ragged on the sidewalk. It then occurred to her how bizarre that statement was.  
  
As she pondered this, a bespectacled man in a brown gi (of a different material that the one she was holding) ran over to her, "Are you alright?" He was carrying a bag of groceries in one hand and an umbrella in the other.  
  
She almost laughed when she realized that she hadn't noticed the pouring rain. She must be worse than she thought. "Shampoo no need man help," she stated weakly before passing out.  
  
She awoke bandaged, with splints and braces on appropriate limbs. "Who do this!?" she shouted in outrage.  
  
"I did," Dr. Tofu came into her field of vision. She was on a bed. Much too soft, "You looked like you fell off of a building."  
  
"Glasses man have no right!" Shampoo reddened. The room she was in was smallish, it smelled of medicine there were chairs and a box with glass on it. She was hooked up to some machine that made strange sounds. "Where is Shampoo?"  
  
"Pardon?" Tofu raised an eyebrow  
  
"Where you take Shampoo!?" Shampoo shouted in frustration, "Shampoo outside, now where Shampoo!?"  
  
"Ah," Tofu realized the girl's meaning, "You're in a hospital. I didn't have the resources to treat your injuries."  
  
"You doctor?"  
  
"Pardon me, I am Dr. Tofu," He introduced himself, " Now, Shampoo, what happened to you?"  
  
"It all Ranma's fault!" Shampoo answered, "She too strong for Shampoo."  
  
"Is this Ranma a bully at your school?" Tofu asked, knowing full well that this was probably Ranma Saotome.  
  
"School?" Shampoo seemed genuinely confused, "Shampoo no go to school! Great Grandmother send Shampoo kill Ranma. Ranma demon who attack Joketsuko!"  
  
"I see," Tofu said as another doctor entered the room. So a demon had assumed the identity of Genma Saotome's progeny. Things were turning out really badly. Tofu turned to the incoming physician and told her, "Her name is Shampoo, I think she's a bit delerious from the pain."  
  
The other doctor nodded and approached Shampoo to explain her present condition. It was then that Tofu exitted, certain that he had made the correct assessment earlier. It was time to deal with things.  
  
The rain did not let up for the remainder of the day. Ranma sat in the dojo. This was the third time in ten years that he had ended a day believing that he would never see Genma again.  
  
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Now is the time for you to die.  
  
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A dark shape landed softly behind Ranma and rushed stealthily towards him. Just as he came within attack range of the man's flashing ninja-to, he instantly rose and somersaulted behind the man and punched his back repeatedly at an inhuman speed. He ended with a back cracking palm strike that sent the man into the wall.  
  
Kasumi had entered the dojo just before the palm strike. The look on Ranma's face terrified Kasumi. She had a sneaking suspicion that the man in black was protecting them from Ranma before. She held up a pen and shouted, "Innocence!"  
  
Ranma turned his head in shock. How could he have missed Kasumi? There was a flash of light and Kasumi was suddenly wearing a sailor girl uniform, brandishing a spiked shield, "Crap."  
  
AN 8/9/03 : A little violent? It had to come eventually. It's not just my writing style, the end is supposed to be a little vague. By the way, I did not forget Tofu in the beginning. I've been waiting awhile to introduce him because I had an idea of how I wanted him to be in this story, but was not sure how to get him to do it. He was going to be a grizzled demon slayer originally, but I thought of a better role for him. Anyway, next time: Kasumi Vs. Ranma and Ranma makes two friends (and two more enemies). 


	5. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I am in no way trying to make a profit by using the characters of Ranma 1/2, which I in no way, shape, or form claim ownership of. Any other references are property of their respective owners, no infringement intended.  
  
AN: After thinking about it, I decided just call the overall story posted a chapter and just break it into parts, so I can just give each one it's own appropriate title.  
  
The Inner Demon Chapter 7  
  
Genma felt some remorse over leaving the boy with his old friend, but could not bear to watch Ranma destroy this community as had undoubtably, in retrospect, happened in several of the places they had visited. What if the boy killed them before he returned!? Genma could feel the pressure of the yen he'd borrowed against him within his ill fitting gi. Soun could fend for himself for a month or two...  
  
Part 1: Kasumi Goes Nuts; Ranma Takes a Nap  
  
A very angry looking Kasumi grimaced at Ranma. Well, she smiled less than usual, anyway, "You hurt that man!"  
  
"He broke inta yer house!" Ranma took a defensive step backwards. He hated this kind of thing. Magic... ugh!  
  
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Sailing for a whaling!  
  
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Kasumi's magical girl uniform was a very grey sailor schoolgirl outfit. Not intimidating in the least. The glowing shield with the spikes was a different thing altogether. Ranma seemed to be more fazed by the accusation than by the magical forces at work. That would change quickly.  
  
Sailor Kasumi charged straight at Ranma, her unarmed fist too fast to even be a blur before it struck, sending Ranma tearing across the dojo, through a wall, and into the Tendo garden. She then leapt through the roof as though it weren't even there and landed a punishing dive kick in Ranma's chest, tearing open a crater around him.  
  
This was probably about as painful as taking a "Futai no Wami" from Ryoga at optimal range. Ranma wasn't sure before he passed out.  
  
Just because her opponent was clearly down didn't mean that Sailor Kasumi saw any reason not to pummel him. A series of punches followed by an Akane worthy uppercut sent him quite a ways above her. She readied her shield to impale him on landing.  
  
Akane had caught the end of the fight. The painfully short fight. She realized that her older sister was going to kill Ranma. Something seemed very wrong about this. This something led Akane to do the unthinkable. She ran through the garden from the house and blind sided Kasumi with an upward swinging mallet.  
  
Kasumi flew through the air with a shocked expression on her face. Akane felt remorse and stepped forward, dropping her mallet. She looked off into the night sky. She was wearing her pajamas, having been preparing for bed. It was unlikely that she would be able to get enough sleep for school tomorrow.  
  
Ranma landed with a heavy thud behind her.  
  
Elsewhere, a bus was on it's way south. It was a tour bus. It's destination was for a slower paced, scenic city. Probably a tourist hotspot or something. The four nuns and the sleeping panda (who had had exact change) took no notice of the suddenly appearing dent in the roof. Neither did the two vagabonds or the, perhaps drugged, driver.  
  
Slightly before this, a frenzied P-Chan seized the opportunity to run from his captor. As fast as his stubby little legs could, anyway. He'd found his traveling gear during one of the few times he'd been human that day. Ranma apparently thought it would be funny to put it in Akane's room. It was sort of strange that he always managed to find his stuff after becoming human again.  
  
P-Chan cautiously approached the kitchen. He didn't need to get lost when he was so close to escape. He also didn't need that Nabiki girl or Mr. Tendo to find him. There was a warm kettle on the stove. Apparently Kasumi had been making tea. It would have to do. He torpedoed himself into the kettle from the floor and promptly changed. Ryoga now found himself sitting on the very hot surface of the stove. Needless to say, he ran top speed away and managed to find himself still within the house. A shriek caused him to nearly jump out of his skin. That Nabiki had somehow gotten behind him. And he was a naked stranger, "DAMN YOU RANMA!"  
  
Nabiki didn't know what to do when she saw a nude boy's back. She was sure she'd locked her door. So she did the only natural thing. She screamed.  
  
Ryoga was crying in frustration at the thought of being re-captured and humiliated. He punched through a nearby wall and found himself, somehow, in Akane's room. How could he have missed an open door?  
  
Nabiki started momentarily when she saw the boy punch a wall down and enter Akane's room. Then she became angry. No one was gonna break in on Akane on her watch. She picked up a baseball bat that she had purchased after witnessing Ranma take out so many of Akane's would-be assailants those days ago. She ran up behind the jerk and broke the (quite solid) bat over his head.  
  
Ryoga thought he'd felt something on the back of his head, but realized that if he turned around, he risked getting lost again. He kept on task and began re-equipping himself.  
  
Nabiki stared at the broken bat, slightly dazed. The boy took the blow as though it were nothing. Then she watched him don some clothing Ranma had oddly asked Akane to hold on to. That clothing was quite familiar for some reason. A normal person might have run at this point, but Nabiki was resolved to watch this rather oblivious boy's movements until her father made his (likely belated), entrance.  
  
Ryoga tied on his boots and strapped his pack on. He needed to train some more before facing Ranma again.  
  
Nabiki looked with horror when the boy turned so that she could see his profile as he headed towards Akane's window. This was none other that the Humanoid Earthquake, Ryoga the Stampede. Destroyer of whole villages in China and Japan. Infamous for the Hokkaido incident. She dropped to her knees as the boy leapt through the (closed) window.  
  
Part 2: And Then There Was Soun  
  
Soun Tendo had snuck out of the house to a bar he had frequented for some time. He had been quite intoxicated when he stumbled back towards his home, but definitely not to the point that he would hallucinate his eldest daughter's form flying across the sky. Soun stood (swaying a bit) and considered this for a moment, "Someoonee hit myy Kaasuumi!" With surprising speed (and directness of course) he sprinted towards his home.  
  
Ryoga had made his way onto the sidewalk. The last obstacle before he was home free was to manage not to walk back towards the house. Where was the house again?  
  
Mr. Tendo could tell that something had damaged his residence. Aside from the broken bits of wood and plaster, there was a gaping hole where Akane's window should have been. A logical (albeit incorrect) assumption at this point might be that Genma was right about Ranma. Due to Mr. Tendo's pride in his own judge of character, the agitated pacing of a teenage boy on the sidewalk in front of his house, and his heavy intoxication, Mr. Tendo decided it was likely the bandanna sporting boy.  
  
Ryoga couldn't understand why it was that his every attempt at escaping Ranma's clutches was challenged by some jerk. Now it was a disheveled man in a brown gi. The man had stumbled quickly up to him and began to speak in very slurred speech. When the man realized that Ryoga had no idea what he was saying, his head morphed into an oversized, demonic version of his normal head. The head was probably supposed to be frightening, but Ryoga couldn't help but laugh out loud before the man took extreme offense and began to cry uncontrollably. Ryoga turned his back on the man in disgust.  
  
"An opportunity!" Soun thought with glee. He pulled out an oversized hammer and swung it hard into the boy's back, sending him far away.  
  
Ryoga sighed as he found himself high above Tokyo. As long as he didn't fall into water, he had no real complaints. He wasn't sure whether he was relieved or deeply unhappy about taking such a route. Eh, could be worse. It was probably Ranma's fault.  
  
Soun ran into the house, finding Akane tending to an extremely battered and bleeding Ranma. This scene sobered Soun up instantly. This was simultaneously (in his eyes) a confirmation of his belief that Ranma was innocent and that there was a possibility still of joining the schools. "My little Akane's growing up!" he cried pathetically.  
  
"Daddy!" Akane looked up from Ranma's side,  
  
"We have to get Ranma to the hospital!"  
  
"Who did this?" Soun asked through his tears.  
  
"There's no ti-" Akane began.  
  
"Who!?" Soun demanded firmly.  
  
"... Kasumi," Akane said, looking down at Ranma.  
  
"Kasumi?" Soun seemed dazed. Was he this drunk?  
  
"Yes..." Akane said with a fresh pang of remorse.  
  
"We must hurry!" Soun stated as he hefted Ranma. He would have to figure this out later, "Where are your sisters now?"  
  
"I don't think Nabiki left her room..." Akane said distractedly.  
  
"And Kasumi..." Soun felt dread as he remembered all of Genma's warnings again.  
  
"Kasumi... she-she... was going to kill..." Akane choked down a sob.  
  
Soun gathered what had happened. The bad side was clear, but he could see a silver lining in the fact that Akane had taken a liking to Ranma. How to get them married before Genma returned? "Go find Nabiki, Akane," Soun said with a supportive look on his face.  
  
"Yes, father," Akane agreed before running upstairs.  
  
Elsewhere in Japan, a girl on a vespa barrelled down the night streets. She wore a red coat, black pants, white boots, and yellow gloves. She would find him if she had to destroy everyone in the way. Her custom made, one of a kind, electric powered spatula was in it's special cover on her back. Her head was mostly covered by her helmet and goggles. She had a mischevious smirk on her face as her magical detecter on her wrist registered a Jusenkyo victim coming in fast from dead ahead. She was certain it was Rankun.  
  
Nabiki followed Akane and Soun dazedly as they moved at a steady walking pace to Nerima General, the nearest hospital. It was times like this that made Akane wish that Soun had a driver's license.  
  
A car zoomed down the road, splashing rainwater on them. Ranma and Nabiki changed. It became clear to Soun that Nabiki-wolf would have to remain home, "Akane, Nabiki."  
  
"Rfff?" Nabiki looked up at her father.  
  
"You need to head home now," Soun stated firmly.  
  
"But daddy!" Akane started up defiantly.  
  
"No buts, Akane," Soun stood, "You and Nabiki mustn't miss school Monday. I don't like the thought of leaving you in the house alone after this, but I see no other choice."  
  
Akane reluctantly agreed, but Nabiki realized that it was because of herself that Akane was really being sent back with her. It was because she was defenseless, and Akane was easily the best fighter in the area that was still conscious. That and the fact that both Akane and her father could move significantly faster than her. She thought about her physical inadequacy seriously as they walked back. Maybe she wouldn't have this curse if she had been stronger?  
  
Soun walked normally until the girls were out of sight, then he channelled his ki into a fantastic jump that took him within sight of Nerima General. It would be a long night.  
  
Part 3: Enter Haruko.  
  
The girl ploughed right into the descending boy on her vespa moped. This might have nearly killed a normal human, but this boy flew back two yards and landed on his back, uninjured. Her moped had been stopped completely by the collision. She flew off of it and narrowly saved herself with a flip. "Oh god! I killed him!" She cried dramatically, "Bang! Blammo! Dead!"  
  
"What?" The boy asked as he stood and dusted himself off.  
  
"You're not Rankun!" She shouted in surprise.  
  
Ryoga was all question marks as he responded, "Uh, no, I'm Ryoga Hibiki."  
  
"Ryoga the Stampede!?" She asked loudly, smiling with glee.  
  
"What?" Ryoga raised an eyebrow. He realized that if he'd been attacking people and objects while hallucinating... The thought of having possibly killed someone made him feel ill.  
  
"Alright!" She grinned widely, "Round two!" she threw off her headgear, exposing long red hair, and swung an oversized spatula at the boy's head.  
  
"..." Ryoga stood there and took it. The spatula bounced off harmlessly. The girl lowered the spatula and began clearing earwax from one ear with one of her gloved hands.  
  
"I just don't get it," She seemed less confused and more interested, "You must be the one." The one that would lead her to Rankun.  
  
"What?" Ryoga was the one that was confused. They were in the middle of a street at night. This was just bizaare.  
  
"My name's Haruko Haruhara," the girl grinned.  
  
"What do you want?" Ryoga asked.  
  
"I want to travel with you," 'Haruko' reduced her grin to an amused smirk.  
  
"What if I refuse?" Ryoga asked.  
  
"Heh," The girl's smirk appeared sinister for a moment, then returned to normal, "Nuthin'"  
  
Ryoga snorted as he turned away.  
  
"But you'll miss out on my famous Okonomiyaki"  
  
Ryoga's stomach growled. It was going to be a long night.  
  
Back in Nerima, Tofu was treating a badly injured patient, "You were lucky I recognized you."  
  
"... Ono..." Hotsuma coughed. He was in unbelievable pain. He had been hard pressed to crawl out of the Tendo dojo. Every part of his body had been injured to some extent. His spine had been likely broken in two or three places, "... the... boy..." Tofu then ceased his work and looked into the man's eye's seriously.  
  
"Did anyone see you?" Tofu had found Hotsuma crawling in a back alley. The man's endurance was amazing. Tofu dreaded what his old friend's future answer might mean.  
  
"... n-no..." Hotsuma was weeping from his agony.  
  
Tofu breathed a sigh of relief. He let go of the revolver in his pocket and resumed his work. If it had been daylight, then there would have been no question of what he would have to do. Tofu knew that it was time to make his move. Nerima was his district. It was his duty to safeguard it's occupants against the occult.  
  
"... t-the b-b-oy..." Hotsuma's frame shook as he spoke. He was an expert in five styles of martial arts. Tofu had seven arts mastered, but was quite aware that Hotsuma exceeded him in skill in their common arts. This was awful.  
  
"Shh, don't talk," Tofu worked intently. As long as the girl never became involved, this would not get worse.  
  
"So what were you doin' flyin' from the sky?" Haruko asked Ryoga at their camp site in the (now vacant) bear cave that they had found during Ryoga's meandering. She was cooking her okonomiyaki on a portable grill built into her Vespa. (Ryoga thought that it might be uncomfortable to sit on top of a ,thinly covered, grill, but the girl never made mention of it.)  
  
"I don't wanna talk about it," Ryoga replied. He hadn't wanted to camp, but Haruko lead him into it, so he decided to comply with her.  
  
"Hmm, suit yerself," She began flipping okonomiyaki onto paper plates (Ryoga assumed that the plates came from the Vespa, but, truthfully, had never seen her open any compartment.) "Hope ya like it spicy."  
  
Ryoga had tossed an entire okonomiyaki into his mouth before hearing this. Smoke poured out of his ears, his face turned red and he began coughing violently.  
  
"Oooo, ish it too hot for da baby?" Haruko giggled.  
  
"I hate you," Ryoga growled while coughing. Then his eyes widened again and he doubled over in pain.  
  
"Hmm, if one way doesn't work, ya just try another," Haruko grinned, eyes closed. She was very pleased with herself.  
  
Ryoga stood and stumbled backwards, clutching his head in pain. Then he screamed as something large pulled itself out of his head. This was, as you may expect, accompanied by crazed giggling from Haruko. His eyes had blurred for a moment when he'd seen the shape. It was a humanoid robot. It was red and had a TV screen for a face. Another robot had latched onto that one, apparently. The red robot kicked the other (which was considerably smaller) off of him and into the cave wall. It bounced and flew at the red one again. At first, Ryoga had thought it was a spider creature, but he now realized it was a large hand. It was clear that the robot that it had belonged to had had it severed.  
  
The red one kicked the small one through the cave ceiling. Then it jumped upward after the hand at a great speed. Ryoga followed it, intent on the fight. The red and the hand were battling fiercely, each one using acrobatics and martial arts to deal out damage. Then the red one's screen flashed a strange symbol and punched the ground, sending a torrent of debris into the hand, crushing it. It then turned, without any clear hostile intent, toward Ryoga. Ryoga clenched his teeth, knowing that this thing was just as dangerous as Ranma to him. Before it could make another move, Haruko leapt out of nowhere and brought her spatula down hard on the red one's head, smashing bits off of it. It was a display of unbelievable power and grace.  
  
The Red bot turned bluish gray and stumbled in confusion. Haruko gave a triumphant laugh, " Red is sooo two years ago, anyway,"  
  
Ryoga's pupils had dialated, "Ranma." He was in shock.  
  
"Ranma?" Haruko looked puzzled. Surely he wasn't calling out Rankun's proper name without spoken, written, or expressly implied consent. That could get an amateur killed.  
  
Ryoga fainted from shock for the second time in his life.  
  
Part 4: The Morning After  
  
Ranma awoke on a hospital bed. He felt like a train had hit him. He was in a body cast. He could tell from the quality of light in the room that it was day. While he did not remember what had happened after he'd mused on his father's departure. Maybe he'd fallen asleep and Ryoga put the whammy (or the Futai no Wami) on him?  
  
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Prince Pork was a nasty fellow.  
His spirit was weak, His belly was yellow.  
  
One day, he went a little crazy,  
gathered his guts and signed a death warrant with the Kamaitachi  
  
He will be thrown into the pit of the feline And now on him they will dine.  
  
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"That jerk!" He shouted. Judging by his voice, he realized that the path to the hospital must have still been wet from the rain.  
  
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Rain for me means for them pain.  
  
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Having nothing better at the moment, Ranma-chan slept.  
  
Imagine Genma's surprise to find, after a thirteen hour bus ride, that he had not escaped Soun. At least, not his name. Apparently, Kasumi Tendo had donned a sailor uniform and jumped from a tall building and into the bus. "Um, Mr. Saotome," a red faced Kasumi began, "could you help me up?"  
  
Kasumi had hit the bus hard enough to force a Kasumi-shaped depression in it. This was so closely fitting that she was wedged in, "Growf!" Genma-Panda helped her out carefully.  
  
"What happened?" Genma's sign read.  
  
"Umm...," Kasumi reddened further, embarrassed by her behavior last night. She was unaware of her lack of injury.  
  
"The boy," Genma-panda narrowed his eyes as he wrote this.  
  
"We've... got to go back," Kasumi stated hesitantly.  
  
"No," The panda wrote, "Let Soun lie in the grave he dug for himself." Genma didn't really mean this, but he was sure that if the whole Tendo family was as durable as Kasumi, there would be few problems.  
  
"But-" Kasumi began.  
  
"Slasher Soun will just have to awaken for awhile to deal with my son," The panda wrote on sign after sign, "I'm on vacation," and with that the panda donned sunglasses and began to walk in a random direction.  
  
Kasumi walked up beside him, "Slasher Soun?"  
  
"Slasher Soun, Terrifying Tendo, B-" Genma-panda was interrupted while writing his third sign.  
  
"Oh," Kasumi became serene again, "Never mind."  
  
Onlookers dazedly rubbed their eyes. They couldn't possibly have just seen a panda and a girl that hit a bus converse. They simultaneously and independantly decided to pretend it never happened.  
  
Akane was listening to the teacher, really! She had just been momentarily occupied by thoughts of an injured Ranma in Nerima General, lonely and in pain. So what if she hadn't been listening when the teacher asked what events brought an end to the Warring States period! She had an injured guest, a cursed sister and a lethally crazy sister. She had reason to be preoccupied.  
  
"Ah!" a strange voice called from behind her, "Tis fair maiden Akane! What misjudgement from thy teacher brings thee to serve punishment in the halls?"  
  
Akane nearly dropped her buckets of water when  
  
Kuno-chan ran beside her. He/she still refused to believe in the Jusenkyo curse he had, and was apparently only wearing the chest binder underneath her kendo uniform just in case.  
  
"Dost the beautaceous Akane Tendo wish not to speak with me this morn?" Kuno-chan pushed. Akane had realized that Kuno had lost her ability to rally the boys except when he remained ready to discipline them with her bokken (which made a flashy entrance impossible).  
  
"Kuno, " Akane tried to appeal, "I'm having some problems r-"  
  
"I shall smite the villains that have done this, verily!" Kuno-chan smiled, "And then won will be the heart of my love! Verily, I am off!" With that, Kuno-chan ran down the hall in the direction of the school entrance. Without the names of Akane's presumed "villains."  
  
Akane sighed. Things had gotten out of hand ever since that damned Genma Saotome arrived. That ill-mannered jerk. She'd mallet him when he returned.  
  
In a city, somewhere far away, Ryoga and Haruko were on the Vespa, heading wherever Ryoga directed. The now-blue robot from last night flew directly above them.  
  
"I'm not ready to face him again, yet!" Ryoga protested, a bit green in the face from the speed of their transportation. Cars, trucks, bicyclists, pedestrians, whatever was as close as the sidewalk was thrown clear of them as they zoomed down the middle of the street.  
  
"Ya'd better be!" Haruko laughed, "Cuz we're gonna find 'im!"  
  
"Left here," Ryoga pointed to the right. Haruko followed his finger. It couldn't be coincidence that this boy ran into Rankun.  
  
Ryoga was trying to deliberately lead the girl away from Ranma until he knew what was going on. If it mattered, he wasn't really sure where he was. At least he'd been able to see things as they really were and not as if they were Ranma.  
  
"It's not that simple!" Ryoga shouted in agitation, "You said you knew Ranma, he's a walking devil!"  
  
"So?" Haruko grinned that frustrating grin.  
  
"Rah!" Ryoga shouted in frustration, raising his arms. This caused him to fall off of the Vespa. At the same time that Haruko saw fit to ramp up the back of a car. Ryoga's life flashed before his eyes. Then he found himself in the arms of his blue-grey friend. It looked at him as supportively as a robot can. As supportive as a robot with a blank TV for a head can, anyway. Haruko had stopped a ways ahead to wait for them, with an especially irritating smirk. Ryoga was red. To any observer that stayed in the area it would not be clear as to whether he was angry or embarrassed. Probably a mixture of the two.  
  
It was then that Ryoga noticed an intoxicated panda in a gi exit a nearby building. He instantly knew who it was from his time at the Tendo's home. He tried to look away quickly, but it was too late. Haruko laughed out loud and jumped towards the panda, easily clearing the four yards to it. Ryoga slapped himself on the face.  
  
"Do you know who Ranma Saotome is!?" Haruko demanded.  
  
"..."  
  
"Answer me!"  
  
"Pandas don't talk," was sloppily written on a sign that the panda produced. A 19 or so year old girl with a serene smile and a grey sailor uniform exited the building after the panda, then raised a hand to her mouth.  
  
"Oh my!" Kasumi was surprised to see such destruction. Vehicles were everywhere, some were lodged in buildings. It was very dirty. Kasumi wanted to clean it, but didn't know where to begin.  
  
"Do you know where Ranma Saotome is!?" Haruko demanded of Kasumi.  
  
"Why, I suppose he might be in the hospital," Kasumi said pleasantly.  
  
"Hospital?" Haruko was very confused by this. Surely Rankun wouldn't kill defenseless patients! Then again... "Where is this hospital?"  
  
"Oh, excuse me!" Kasumi realized she'd been vague. It was such a new experience to be outside of Nerima. "Nerima General, in Tokyo!"  
  
"That's bold," Haruko muttered.  
  
"What?" Kasumi's smile nearly wavered.  
  
"Nothin'!" Haruko smiled widely ran back to her Vespa, where Ryoga and the robot waited. "Get on," Haruko ordered as she mounted the moped. Ryoga reluctantly complied. The robot took to the air and the trio sped off. "I can't believe how efficient your route is, Ryoga! We might have saved a week of travelling." Ryoga sweatdropped at this.  
  
"What a nice bunch of people," Kasumi smiled vacantly.  
  
"..." It had just registered in Genma-panda's mind that Kasumi had said that Ranma might be in the hospital. It worried him a bit. Nothing that lots more alcohol couldn't cure. He pulled a list from his gi and checked off the place he had just exited.  
  
Ranma-chan was itching. It was that damned body cast. Death would be a welcome release from the itching.  
  
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Maybe I'll visit some other patients later. I've been short on IV drips lately.  
  
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Nabiki had gone to school, unaware of a Jusenkyo victim's tendency to attract water. She had been splashed three times just trying to get to the school. She pulled some strings when she arrived. Some chump named Hikaru Gosunkugi was her new water bodyguard. He was very good at bodily intercepting splashing water, as it turns out. He didn't seem to mind. All he wanted was to keep his little hobby of taking pictures of Akane. As revolting as the idea was of allowing ANYONE to pick up this kind of stuff for free, she decided it was a fair bargain provided he never sold them. That would be unpardonable.  
  
Then there was business with Kuno, or Kuno-chan. Apparently Kuno-chan was chasing some villains or another for Akane. Nabiki didn't really care, so she just sold him Ranma's hospital room number. She even sold him a letter that would allow him to enter any section of the hospital. It was big stuff, but Kuno had big bucks. She had decided to reward herself for going through all that she had since Ranma showed up.  
  
Ranma-chan was crying softly because of the terrible itching. If it didn't hurt so much to move, she would probably break the cast and scratch to her content. It was then that Kuno, in uncursed form, burst into the room,  
  
"Villain! Show thyself!"  
  
"Ergh!" Ranma-chan felt like vomiting when she saw Kuno. Just what she needed.  
  
"Oh!" Kuno hopped in surprise, "Kama-chan! I percieve your tears! No doubt you are captive of the knave that has taken residence in this hospital! Truly this man is a defiler of all that is innocent and pure!"  
  
"Ugh!" Ranma-chan was too disgusted for words.  
  
"I take your silence to mean that you confirm that you have indeed been kidnapped!" Kuno hefted Ranma over his shoulder and moved towards the window, "We shall escape!"  
  
"Aaah!" Ranma-chan's eyes bugged when Kuno leapt through the closed window and down the four stories, into a timely mattress truck.  
  
"Such is the luck of Tatewaki Kuno!" He exclaimed with a laugh.  
  
Ranma-chan's heart was beating frantically. She had never felt fear like this before.  
  
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Death is too good for this scum sucking, hot aired, delusional,...  
  
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AN 8/15/03: I didn't get around to everything I wanted to, but I enjoyed writing about "Haruko." I suppose I made it clear enough who she really is. She was supposed to come later, and her meeting with Ranma will, but I felt a need to write something about her. Anyone that saw episode 6 of FLCL might have an idea about "Haruko's" intentions, but she will not deviate too much from her Ranma 1/2 counterpart's role. There's really a lot I have to say about this chapter, but I can't hope to remember everything I wanted to say. I know Kuno's formal language has lapses. It probably has something to so with his curse. Anything that seems wrong or innacurate might be so accidentally, but it might also be part of the plot. By the way, I was going to call Soun the Battousai as his third title, but I thought better of it. I've got enough on my plate as it is. Expect people to chase after both Ryoga the Stampede and Haruko Haruhara. 


	6. Chapter 8: Things Happen Quickly

Disclaimer: I did not invent cheese, Spanish, or Johnny Quest's dog. Or pretty much anything in this fic.  
  
The Inner Demon Chapter 8  
  
No one messes with Ranma. Or at least, no one messes with Ranma and lives. Well, if they live, then they either live in fear or without several limbs. Kuno was the exception. He didn't seem to care or even notice his curse. Don't get me wrong, he was frightened to tears by Ranma Saotome, but he had no problem glomping onto "Kama-chan" and reciting bad poetry or flowery speech. This was the last straw. Abducting the Kamaitachi from the hospital warrants death. Or at least coma.  
  
Part 1: Shampoo Hate Ranma  
  
"Great grandmother!" Shampoo pleaded with a short, ghoulish creature balanced on a gnotted cane. Shampoo was just outside of Joketsuko. She was returning to report her failure.  
  
"You have FAILED!" the figure shouted as it advanced towards Shampoo.  
  
"No!" Shampoo's eyes widened in abject terror, "Please! Shampoo no mean let bad demon girl live!"  
  
"That matters not, Shampoo," the figure grinned, "It's time for your punishment!"  
  
"Nooooooo!" Shampoo screamed and ran. Then a doppleganger of herself hit her over the head with a pane of...  
  
"Nooooooo!" Shampoo awoke in a cold sweat to the sound of breaking glass from the room next door. She quickly hobbled to the window as best she could in her braces. She caught a glimpse of a strange boy carrying off... Kama-chan! "Shampoo make things better!" With this she tore off the medical devices on her body and leapt out the (closed) window. She tried to grab a flag pole on the way down to slow her descent, but to no avail. "Shampoo see life fla-"  
  
She was cut off when she smacked into a moving car, "Aiyaa! Shampoo feel dizzy."  
  
The occupants of said car stopped, exitted and stared at Shampoo, who then got into the driver's seat and (quite by chance) hit the gas. She swerved around as the car made strange noises, "did Shampoo break?"  
  
The former occupants blinked. The passenger then made a disgusted face, folded her arms and said, "Take me home, Kuabara."  
  
"But..."  
  
"This is Nerima, K-chan, there's nothing that can be done," She said with an irritated tone.  
  
Shampoo managed to (accidentally) take the car out of park and put it in drive. She was now pushing the car to it's limits to catch up to the mattress truck. This meant ramping up other cars and causing pedestrians to scatter for their lives. Police sirens blared behind her. The car flew towards the mattress truck, the driver of which bailed out. It was empty. "Aiyaaa!"  
  
SMASH! SKID! BOOM! Kuno cradled his precious Kama-chan like a baby. How she shivered with joy at being the chosen of a samurai as courageous as he.  
  
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This body cast is all that stops me from killing you  
  
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"Come!" Kuno smiled, not even flinching when a nearby fire hydrant was broken by a skidding car, drenching them both, "We shall away to the estates of Kuno!"  
  
"I hate you!" Ranma-chan seethed, her heart beating furiously. She was pale with fear and her eyes glared with unconcealed hate towards Tatewaki Kuno.  
  
Kuno smiled with no reply as he carried Kama-chan away, immersed in his own delusions.  
  
"I hate you!" Ryoga shouted as a second robot, this one quite huge, pulled itself out of his head.  
  
"Woooo!" Haruko grinned mischeviously, "did I do that?"  
  
They had been in the middle of the street in some city on their way towards Tokyo when the thing erupted from his head. It was very large and was missing an arm. Ryoga gulped at this fact, then realized that the thing had his bandannas on ITS head. That was too much. Ryoga ran at the thing, which swatted him away as though he were an insect. The blue robot flew into the behemoth while Haruko watched in amusement.  
  
It didn't have much luck as it's flying kick bounced off harmlessly. The large robot then grabbed it and began slamming it repeatedly into the ground. Haruko watched seriously now. Ryoga got up from the debris of the building he had hit. He began to seethe with anger and ran full tilt at the large creature. He jumped diagonally into a double- fisted futai no wami, cracking the back of the robot's good hand. It dropped the blue robot and roared in agony. Ryoga assumed a fighting stance, "I WANT MY BANDANNAS BACK!!"  
  
The creature stopped for a moment as Ryoga's eyes glowed red, "Sho!"  
  
The blue robot rose.  
  
"Ka!"  
  
The robot landed behind Ryoga.  
  
"Haaaaaaa!"  
  
Just as Ryoga began to gesture towards the monster, he was swallowed up by the robot, which turned red. It's screen briefly flashed a strange symbol and it transformed into a cannon, which shot a fireball at the creature, immolating it on impact and punching holes in it and three buildings behind it. Bandannas fell from the sky like snow. The robot became blue again as it resumed it's normal form.  
  
"Cool!" Haruko giggled as she patted the robot on the back, "We should call you Kashin!"  
  
The robot's posture indicated that it was grateful for the gesture of appreciation.  
  
"Let's get goin'!" Haruko smiled as she remounted her (unscratched) Vespa.  
  
"Hey!!" Ryoga emerged from under a pile of debris in the distance, "Don't go without me!" Perhaps for the first time in his life, Ryoga managed to run a city block without missing his destination.  
  
"Ryochan, meet Kashin," Haruko pointed at the robot.  
  
"Ryochan!?" Ryoga gritted his teeth, "I am NOT Ryochan!"  
  
Haruko laughed in response. Then the hulk of the monster bot rose. It was clearly preparing a final attack. Haruko leapt, maintaining a smile the entire time as she brought her spatula down on the creature, smashing what acted like its head and halting it's movement. Ryoga realized at this moment that the girl was a few inches taller than he was.  
  
As the Vespa zipped off with its passengers and one follower, one of the few remaining onlookers asked another, "Was that Ryoga the Stampede?"  
  
The other one stood there, unsure of his own sanity, "I... think so. Who were the others?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
Akane had gone to Nerima General after school to check on Ranma. She had not seen him since the other night and had been distracted the entire day by thoughts of the poor guy being hurt in some new way. That damned Genma! She thought of the carnage she'd seen just a little ways past the hospital. Then there was the conversation inside the building.  
  
"I'm here to see Ranma Saotome, my father checked him in."  
  
"And you are?"  
  
"Akane Tendo."  
  
"I'm really sorry to tell you this, but... Ms. Saotome has disappeared from the premesis. We have alerted the authorities, but they have been on riot control since today's accident."  
  
"Did you say Miss?"  
  
"Yes, I did."  
  
Kuno probably knew something about this. He had disappeared from the school campus shortly after talking to Nabiki, or ,at least, that's what she'd heard. She decided to perform the second unthinkable act since the Kasumi malleting. She would go to Kuno.  
  
Shampoo awoke inside an office building. There was a broken window in front of her. She could see that there had been chaos in the streets when she rose and looked out, "Aiyaa! Shampoo no want drive again ever."  
  
She then realized that she was still in patient garb. The office was deserted, probably because of the upside down car in it. This was the second floor, so this is indeed a strange occurance. Shampoo approached the car and found an unconscious (but miraculously not seriously injured) young woman. She switched her gown for the woman's pants and tanktop. It was not what she was used to, but it would have to do. "This for better good," She told the woman. She would now have to track Kama-chan. That boy looked like the one she had seen harass Ranma yesterday. Despite that her body ached (a testement to her great fortitude that she only ached.), she knew she could track them by the name "Kuno."  
  
Ranma-chan was on a bed in a guest room in the Kuno household. Being in a body cast was not as fun as Ranma-chan had imagined. She decided that she had had enough of this. She flexed her arms, breaking the cast in those areas. Then she ripped the other pieces off. The Kamaitachi healed quickly. She got off the bed, did a practice jumping jack, then smirked.  
  
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Quacks don't know anything. Maybe I'll turn them into ducks? With a VERY high changing temp?  
  
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Then her legs gave out and she found herself limp, on the floor.  
  
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Damndamndamndamndamndamnspamdamndamndamndamndamn  
  
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Kuno entered and saw a nude Kama-chan on the floor in a position that, to him, appeared to be an attempt to seduce him. He turned away, tearing up, "The goddess Kama-chan has graced me to propose matrimony! I shall accept, verily! To deny would be dishonorable!"  
  
He headed towards the green faced Ranma-chan, but quickly found himself drenched in water.  
  
"Dear sister!" She turned around, "I see that You have returned from the hallowed halls of St. Hebreke!"  
  
"Please, brother, " a long, dark haired girl with purple eyeshadow and an empty bucket said, "Don't you understand the difference between injury and marriage proposal?"  
  
Kuno turned around and saw pieces of plaster cast strewn about the bed. She blushed in embarrassment and fumbled, "I-I humbly a-ask t-thy forgi-giveness, Kama-chan!" With that, she hastily retreated.  
  
"Do not fault my brother too much, " the new girl said, "He may deserve death, but not for perversion."  
  
Ranma-chan blinked at this statement. The numbness that had hit her was fading. The other girl helped her up and onto the bed, "I shall find appropriate attire for you. By the way, I am Kodachi Kuno." Kodachi left the room, leaving a key on the inside and locking the door outside.  
  
Part 2: Kama's New Friend  
  
Kodachi was looking through her wardrobe for something that would suffice until the girl her brother had brought home could be returned to whatever hospital she'd been in. This was no doubt the Kama-chan that Tatewaki had been on about almost as much as Akane Tendo. He'd been so irritating about his obsession that she'd conveniantly forgotten to tell him about the telegram that read, "I be commin back to punish dem bad keikis." Father was as demented as brother. Even writing in his latest accent. At least she'd been secretly writing him to secure that she would not be on The List. She'd heard the stories of how Father hung out with Genma Saotome, the Legendary Mad Martial Artist, and became warped in his company. No doubt that he had been excited to hear that one Ranma Saotome was causing havoc in Nerima. It didn't concern Kodachi, though, as long as she was not on The List. Too bad for dear Brother.  
  
Kuno-chan had left in a hurry to blow off steam in town (fending off the creatures from Kodachi's genetics lab as she exited the property). She was truly embarrassed by her behavior. It was ill-befitting a true warrior of any kind. She was in front of the Tendo dojo when she decided to drop in on "the beautiful goddess within." She walked toward the house purposefully.  
  
"Hey, you!" a man wearing glasses and a brown gi called out.  
  
She whirled around, producing a bokken out of nowhere, "Who dares address the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High in so familiar and lowly a manner!?"  
  
"I'm Dr. Ono Tofu," The man introduced himself as he stepped away from the bush he had been hiding in. He had been spying for Ranma with no luck, so now seemed to be a fine time to investigate this girl's relationship with the Tendos.  
  
"I am known as Tatewaki Kuno, rising star of the high school Kendo world, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High," She said, relaxing, "and you are of the medical profession?"  
  
"Indeed I am," Tofu adjusted his glasses, "I'm the Tendo family physician. They've been having some troubles I understand."  
  
"Verily, they have!" Kuno loved hearing his own voice, "The beautaceous Akane Tendo has been assailed by some unknown villain that is taking over Nerima!"  
  
"An unknown villain?" Tofu inwardly smirked.  
  
Haruko and Ryoga were only 30 miles outside of Tokyo a suburb was in the distance. In scant hours they would be in Nerima. Then things would explode. Ryoga didn't feel any anxiety, though. With Kashin and Haruko, destroying the dreaded Kamaitachi would be child's play. Then Ryoga would be able to sleep peacefully and put this horrible episode behind him. Maybe he could finish school!  
  
"You! Stop now!"  
  
"What did you say, Ryochan?" Haruko asked, grinning still.  
  
"What did I say!? What did you say?" Ryoga growled.  
  
"You will pay for your crimes!" The voice called after them. The duo looked back to see about a dozen medium sized craft flying low in the sky.  
  
"They're after me!" Haruko and Ryoga exclaimed in unison, "They're after you!? No they're after me! Shut up!"  
  
"Can you outrun them?" Ryoga prepared himself mentally for a big fight.  
  
"Naw, we're gonna have ta fight 'em Ryochan," Haruko said, seriously, "Unless..." she grinned a very wide grin, then drove off the road into the dirt and into nearby woods. Ryogas heart alternated between beating wildly and stopping completely as they dodged trees, smashed trees, and ramped up fallen trees at great velocity. Kashin didn't seem to be having any trouble keeping up, despite this, "Kakun, make a distraction!"  
  
Kashin nodded and a picture of a thumbs-up appeared on his "face." He absorbed a protesting Ryoga and turned red, then pealed off into the sky, moving even more furiously. Because of the canopy cover, the craft had not seen him coming. Kashin flew right through one of them and then swung it's debilitated hulk into another, simultaneously destroying them. The other 10-11 of them locked onto him and began to fire chain gun like bolts in his direction. He dodged the barrage and swerved amongst them. Two of them were accidentally damaged and landed, with plumes of smoke rising from them, in the forest. They didn't explode, but were obviously out.  
  
"Cease this at once or we will resort to extreme force!" the voice demanded. It was obviously a woman's voice. Ryoga realized that he was conscious of what was happening. In fact, it was like he was Kashin. This was strange.  
  
Kashin responded by morphing and firing the fireball at a random ship. This time, the fireball returned, catching another ship in the return, and re-entered the cannon, which transformed back into humanoid form again. Both ships immolated. Ryoga realized that he probably just killed some people. He felt like crying or screaming or something. This was all Ranma's fault.  
  
He would have pondered further, but Haruko had somehow gotten her Vespa onto one of the 8-9 remaining ships. She was throwing okonomiyaki this way and that as she went from ship to ship on her yellow Vespa. In a matter of moments, she'd tossed her treats on all of them and driven off the last into a dead (yet hilarious to her) fall, "Come, Kakun!"  
  
Kashin blasted downward, following her. She pulled out her electric powered spatula (?) and pressed a hidden button.  
  
Boom.  
  
All of the ships rapidly descended into the ground. Ryoga felt ill.  
  
Ranma-chan was dressed in a black shirt and purple shorts. While she much preferred a red shirt and black pants, or maybe her old gi, this would suffice for the time being. She refused to wear the undergarments, though, citing phony religious reasons. The only way she'd ever wear those would be if it was ABSOLUTELY required for the situation. Maybe it was time to cure herself? The only reason she'd kept the curse was to keep Genma from flipping completely. It didn't really bother her.  
  
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Wetness makes a mean Kamaitachi. Curse means wetness. Therefore, curse means mean Kamaitachi.  
  
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She was with Kodachi in the guest room she had been laying in. Because of a secret technique known only to Anything Goes masters, bones could be made to knit in under twenty four. It had been developed by her father. This was just part of it. Four hours could constitute ten hours of rest and a person could recover from any injury or illness short of chronic or inevitably fatal ones in under a week. Only five living people knew it.  
  
"So, I take it that my brother has been a thorn in your side?" Kodachi asked, sitting in a nearby chair. The room was clearly quite expensive. There were two chairs, a small table, paintings, and the bed was perfect. Not soft or hard. Ranma-chan still preferred a futon on the floor, but could appreciate this setting.  
  
"Yeah, he's tryin' ta glomp onta me here and there, left and right," Ranma-chan illustrated this with her hands. She was still sore.  
  
"I see," Kodachi sipped tea that a small man in ninja garb had brought. Ranma hadn't touched hers, having experience with both drugging and being drugged, "Did you not fight back?"  
  
"I wasn't gonna let someone do that ta me without a beatin'" Ranma-chan laughed.  
  
"Hah!" Kodachi gave a short laugh, "It serves him right." She took no outward notice of the avoidance of the tea. Perhaps her reputation preceeded her?  
  
"You don't like yer brother?" Ranma asked cautiously.  
  
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Hell, if no one would miss him...  
  
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"I do not know how I feel about the lout,"  
  
Kodachi admitted. Despite her attempts on his life, she was not sure that she hated him. It was possible that she was just homicidal.  
  
"Ah," Ranma-chan nodded sagely.  
  
"He is worthy of contempt, and yet my murder schemes seem to be foiled partially by my own subconscious desire to see him survive," Kodachi responded, eyes closed as she took another sip.  
  
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I like this one.  
  
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"Sounds like my old man," Ranma-chan chuckled.  
  
"Is this so?" Kodachi smirked knowingly.  
  
"Yeah, he's always makin' me do crazy trainin',"  
  
Ranma smiled.  
  
"How to be proper and mannerly?" Kodachi barely managed to stifle a laugh.  
  
"Naw, martial arts," Ranma-chan mimed a punch.  
  
"Interesting," Kodachi sipped more tea.  
  
"Yeah, I think he wants to seal me away for what happened in China," Ranma-chan said thoughtfully, "I think I could escape bloodily, but ,despite this, I can't bring myself to really hurt the guy."  
  
"I see," Kodachi finished her tea, "We must maintain contact with one another. I believe we are more alike than meets the eye."  
  
"Yeah," Ranma-chan stood, "I think I'll find my way home now."  
  
"Shall we return home now?" Kasumi asked the panda at the slot machine.  
  
Genma-panda had a vein throbbing in his head as he put in another coin.  
  
"Those nice people will be dropping in unannounced," Kasumi seemed mortified, "We won't have a large enough dinner ready for them!"  
  
The panda handed Kasumi bus fare for the long trip and turned back to the machine.  
  
"If that is what you wish," Kasumi bowed and exited. She was starting to chafe in her tight sailor suit. And the people stared so. They would be much happier to look at a rainbow, their children, or maybe a sunset. Wouldn't that be nicer?  
  
She exited the glitzy building and headed in a random direction in hopes of running into the bus terminal. That's when a large shadow loomed behind her. A female humanoid slot machine. Oh dear, not another one of these things.  
  
Part 3: A New Sailor Comes to Town!  
  
Ranma-chan entered the Tendo household. She was looking forward to a hot bath. So very sore. And itchy. She had made a true friend today. Her first mutual friend ever. Sure, she was using two fools at school named Hiroshi and Daisuke to advertise the fact that Ranma Saotome would only spare those who swore alliegance to him/her in his/her absence. This certainly didn't make them her friends. Kodachi had even seen her home in the Kuno family car. She found the house deserted. Lights were on, but no one was downstairs. Ranma-chan really didn't care at this point. She walked upstairs, entered her room and opened up the hiding place of her gi. She reached into it and pulled out a new set of clothing, then replaced the gi in its hiding place. She looked around the room. There were many markings of her habitation.  
  
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This shall become a worthy abode of the Kamaitachi.  
  
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She exited and activated her special door lock that she'd installed. Then she made her way to the bathroom. Kasumi (Ranma-chan shivered at that name) had repaired the hole in the ceiling prior to going berserk. She drew her bath water and settled in and changed.  
  
Shampoo had watched Ranma enter from just outside the girl's perceptions. She had drugged the man and the girl with herbs that she'd retrieved upon a return visit to the hospital. She bound and gagged them in case the (quite potent) drugs wore off. She believed that Ranma would be weak enough that a surprise stabbing would seal the deal. Especially while bathing.  
  
Ranma nodded off in the tub. He'd been so worked up today. Despite his hunger, he really felt the need to sleep more strongly.  
  
Shampoo entered the room quietly. She ran softly up to Ranma and looked down. A boy!? She stumbled back. Kama-chan was really a boy!? Maybe instead of possible suicide against the Kamaitachi she could marry? She exited the bath room silently. This information might mean that more Amazons needn't be dishonored. She would return to China and consult great grandmother.  
  
Akane knocked on the door to the Kuno mansion. This place gave her the creeps. The sun would set soon and if she was delayed by Kuno, she might not have time for her homework. She didn't want that, but Ranma's safety was paramount. It had been so hard for her to find the place after years of avoiding the general vicinity. Hopefully Kuno hadn't taken advantage of Ranma's vulnerability, the pervert.  
  
Kodachi answered the door.  
  
Akane turned white. She had forgotten Kodachi Kuno, the Black Rose of Death. Most of her opponents forfeit before gymnastics matches against her school, St. Hebreke. If they do not, then they face Kodachi "Kunoichi" Kuno, the Black Rose of Grief. She was infamous. Moreso than her brother, who held back so much that even Akane could tell he wasn't truly challenged by his opponents. With the exception of herself, naturally, but that's not the point.  
  
"Ah, Ms. Tendo," Kodachi smiled with deceptive friendliness, "I don't believe there is an upcoming game. What brings the Kuno household the honor of your visit?"  
  
"I'm looking for Ranma," Akane growled, determined not to show weakness. She didn't know how much she was sweating. She was the only one that survived a death threat from Kodachi. Only a few skilled practitioners of Martial Arts Gymnastics were "honored" with death threats from Kodachi before a game.  
  
"Ranma?" Kodachi asked in mock confusion, "Who is this Ranma?"  
  
"About my height, red hair?" Akane clarified, almost too shaken to catch the mocking tone.  
  
"Oh!" Kodachi seemed to realize who Akane meant, "No, I haven't seen her. Perhaps she's at your home?" Kodachi enjoyed these little games.  
  
"Yes," Akane nodded, "I'll... check at home."  
  
"I'm happy to be of service," Kodachi smirked, "Have a save walk home. Hohoho!" She closed the door while making that irritating laugh.  
  
Akane hurried off, remembering another reason why she would never, EVER return to the Kuno residence.  
  
When Ranma was dried off and dressed, he made his way onto the roof to look at the night sky for a bit.  
  
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Maybe I should "find" Shampoo's gifts in Nabiki's room?  
  
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"Naah," Ranma said aloud, staring at the sky. It was the simple things in life that made everything worth it.  
  
"Fight me!" a familiar female voice called from the ground.  
  
"Wha!?" Ranma stood quickly and surveyed the area. A girl in kendo garb with short hair and a bokken was looking up at him, "Oh, Kuno! Here to harass me again?"  
  
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I shall only maim you as a favor to Kodachi.  
  
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"I know not of what you speak," Kuno-chan took a battle stance, "But I shall destroy you and free those you have bewitched, demon sorceror!"  
  
"Oh?" Ranma's face twisted into a cruel grin, "Descending blade blast!"  
  
It would be reasonable to assume that Kuno was unprepared for such an attack. What one would not assume would be how easily Kuno-chan swatted Ranma away.  
  
"I see my light handed stuff ain't enough for ya," Ranma chuckled darkly as he landed on his toes. He blurred forward, and Kuno-chan managed a last second defense. Ranma's fists pumped like pistons at speeds unheard of, but Kuno-chan was just barely able to escape injury each time. She only took a few grazing hits. Ranma jumped back suddenly and shouted, "Pain Explosion!"  
  
Kuno-chan felt as though needles had stabbed everywhere he'd been grazed. She fell over, spasmodically tossing the bokken away.  
  
Ranma turned his back on Kuno-chan. Simple ki seeding. Weak.  
  
Kuno-chan rose again, though. An expression of grim determination was on her face, "Courage!"  
  
There was a familiar flace of light. Ranma snapped around, his eyes wide as saucers as he saw Kuno-chan decked in a red sailor uniform. This change came with a new, steel, katana that glowed with magical energy, "Do not let the annoying femininity of my attire disguise my immediate lethality to you." Sailor Kuno took a battle stance that was from a forbidden school of swordplay.  
  
"Hiten Mitsurugi!" Ranma choked as he recognized it from some texts he had read.  
  
"Verily, I do not know from whence my new style comes, but I indeed know Hiten Mitsurugi!" Sailor Kuno laughed condescendingly at Ranma, "Prepare to die, paltry demon!"  
  
Now it was Ranma who was having a difficult time. He was just barely able to stop the yellow eyed sailor from cleaving him. They fought and fought and fought. Actually this "fight" was basically Sailor Kuno slashing wildly at Ranma as Ranma dodged. Despite its violence, Kuno's style was very refined. Moreso than moments ago, anyway. With this level of power, a graze might take off a limb. A miss could open cuts. Ranma was being forced back. He was uncertain of his surroundings in the action. Something caused him to lose his balance for a moment. The frenzied sailor took this opportunity to stab at him. He dodged and found himself falling. Before he knew it, he was floating in the canal.  
  
The sailor sheathed her sword (deactivating her powers) and extended his right arm to Ranma-chan, "Kama-chan! I see that the demon used his magic to keep you sealed in the canal, but rest assured that I shall watch this canal in the future to ensure that he not switch places with you again!"  
  
Ranma-chan sighed and allowed Kuno-chan to walk her back to the Tendo house. Great. Yet another sailor. These were easily the strongest she'd ever met. And they were everywhere now.  
  
Haruko eyed the carnage outside Nerima General,  
  
"I see that the Kamaitachi has broken loose."  
  
Ryoga sighed. At least no one else would die this day. He'd had his fill.  
  
Kashin walked up closely beside him.  
  
"Take that damn wig off," Ryoga ordered, irked.  
  
Kashin took off the rainbow afro that Haruko had given him as reward for a job well done. Ryoga felt that being crapped out by a robot justified being a buzzkill.  
  
AN 8/17/03: My fastest update yet! I hope to put out one a week, but today I got lucky. By the way, I wrote the past two updates listening to Ride On Shooting Star, Little Busters and so many other FLCL songs (mixed with many other songs from my collection, but mainly repeats of FLCL songs). Anyway, I once again have more to say than I have words to say it with. Suffice it to say that things will stay wacky, even if a plot shows up. Remember I said Kuno had a reason to be unusually strong? Yeah, and there are at least three other sailors beside the two here. This will not turn into a Sailor Moon crossover, don't worry. I felt I might as well represent the Magical Girl subgenre. I'm gonna try to make Ryoga a bit more like Vash with out losing all of his own personality. Expect him to be like a Vashy Sano. Also, Ryoga is not a complete coward. I will show more of what happened between him and Ranma to justify his paranoid fear, which will subside as Kashin shows off. I wanted to call Kashin "Conti," but there was no way I could justify this, so... this's what you get. One of Ranma's friends down, one more. It seems like it'll be "Haruko." Maybe, maybe not. Next time: Ranma returns to school, another sailor, Haruko meets Ranma(or not?). 


	7. Chapter 9:Haruko is Sad

Dislaimer: I did not let the dogs out. Except Bandit. He had the FLCL Addict OST. He was the exception. Ranma let the others out, I promise!  
  
AN: I decided that I like giving general titles to my chapters, so I'm gonna do that now.  
  
The Inner Demon Chapter 9: Haruko is Sad  
  
Ryoga was not afraid of much. Toss him in a pit of snakes and he would laugh. He was, however, afraid of Ranma. The Demon. He was kept up for weeks on end, able only to think of Ranma and what their next horrible meeting would be like. It made this situation ironic. He had resolved to kill the source of his fear. The thing that made him weak. He did not want to hurt anyone, but somehow this had always happened. Now there was Haruko. He wasn't sure how he felt about her. Sure, she was much like Ranma. But she was different. Maybe things would finally be resolved. Maybe things would get worse. One thing was for sure: Ryoga the Stampede, the Humanoid Earthquake, would not run any more.  
  
Part 1: The Stampede  
  
Ryoga had a normal life. He went to school, he made the grade, he excelled in science (inherited trait from his father) even though his language skills and his actions made him sound like a doofus. Also, no one messed with him. He could crush a cinder block in one hand. He was six. Then there was Ranma.  
  
It was customary for the students to pay tribute to him. He was no bully, mind you. He was an anti-bully. Anyone that bullied the student body had to go through him. For some reason, he was treated to the best of the cafeteria's breads, at the expense of his fellows. He told them not to go through the trouble, but, hey, they liked the way he stopped Lan-Tsu, an exchange student, from pushing the fifth graders around. The poor boy didn't know what he had been asking for.  
  
Ranma was the new threat, though. Ryoga's protege, Zell Dincht, was to recieve the tribute in place of Ryoga on one of his few sick days. This didn't happen the second day of Ranma's arrival. By that day, Ranma had taken over the bread trade. Not through intimidation , not at first, but through his inhuman speed. He was easily as fast as Ryoga was strong. Zell tried to stand up for Ryoga in his absence.  
  
Ryoga found Zell in front of his house the next morning. Zell was rushed to the hospital. A note to Ryoga was stapled to Zell's right hand. It read, "I'm takin' over -Ranma Saotome, Kamaitachi."  
  
Ryoga felt such rage and sadness as he could not describe. He went to school to take on this evil monster. He managed to convince the students to take a stand. They managed to take most of the bread. Ranma was unhappy at this. It came to blows. Most of the students were badly injured by a demonic child with glowing blue eyes. This demon was confronted by Ryoga, who was angry beyond his ability to control. He managed to score only one blow on Ranma (who had hit him many times), but this one attack was so vicious that Ranma flew against a wall.  
  
"You hit me!" Ranma's eyes were as wide as saucers, "Tell me you didn't just hit me! OH GOD! WHY!?"  
  
"You are very bad!" Ryoga limped towards Ranma.  
  
"We aren't like them!" Ranma teared, no longer demonic, "We are better! I'll show you!" Ranma then floated into the air and a blue aura flared about him.  
  
Just then, a man in a white gi and glasses flew in and subdued Ranma. He put Ranma in an inescapable hold. Ryoga limped towards the man. This man was in many photographs at the Hibiki home. Who was he?  
  
The look the man gave Ryoga just then seemed to say, "I'm sorry that you had to know this."  
  
The next day, Ryoga had wandered into a place he did not recognize. It was an empty lot. It was quickly getting dark. What a time to have his curse take hold! Then he heard an unearthly growling. He turned quickly, just in time to see the monster of yesterday, only a thousand times worse.  
  
"i will unLock YouR trUe power."  
  
Ryoga was seized with horrendous pain. He felt so many negative emotions. Time seem distorted in his agony and in the maelstrom of negativity. Just when he felt that he was going to give in, he felt a strong desire to prove that he was different from the beast. It was even more painful. He was not sure how long he had been there. "WHY WON'T ANYONE HELP ME!?" He thought he had screamed. He awoke three days later in a hospital. His father than explained that he was the cousin of the monster. They were blood relatives. This was too much.  
  
How many years later was it when they met again? This was a good meeting, though. Probably the only.  
  
"I have control over the monster now."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Put down your fists. I apologize. Now I channel its power for the good of all."  
  
"That's impossible."  
  
"I'm sorry you feel that way. I feel bad about what I did to you under its influence. You and me are like brothers. We gotta stick together."  
  
"Hmm."  
  
"Look, I promise that I'll never hurt anyone again."  
  
They travelled together for a few days. Then Ranma disappeared mysteriously. Some time later, he had learned of an incident involving a child that had injured many people while acting like a cat. That sounded like Ranma's M.O. Ryoga had resolved to learn the truth. A few years later, he met Ranma again in Hokkaido. This was an accident, as Ryoga had been picked up by his grandfather as he had wandered the streets. Ryoga's grandfather had the key answers as to the relationship between Ranma and Ryoga. He never had the chance to tell Ryoga, though. While Ryoga slept, Ranma snuck in and killed the one man that had agreed to tell Ryoga the truth. Ryoga awoke that morning to the smell of blood. It was everywhere. Ryoga felt sick. He ran to his grandfather's study and found a grinning Ranma waiting for him.  
  
"Oops, I guess I broke my promise," Ranma laughed.  
  
"Arrgh! Die!" Ryoga assumed a fighting stance.  
  
"What? Are you going to try to hit me?" Ranma snickered and snapped his fingers, "I don't think so."  
  
A red aura flared around Ryoga. That was a day that would live in infamy. A chunk of urban land in Hokkaido was destroyed. No one died directly, but many were killed in the ensuing week of anarchy. Ryoga ran. He just wanted away.  
  
He ran into so many towns and cities, frequently running into Ranma, who beat and tortured him in secret. This often culminated in the destruction of villages or chunks of cities. Years passed before the most recent incident before the present.  
  
Ranma and Genma had camped outside Jusenkyo prior to their trek to Joketsuko. Ryoga had caught Ranma collecting and catalouging the spring water. Needless to say, Ryoga was captured and used as a test subject. It was the worst night of his life since the Hokkaido incident. Morning came and Ryoga was left as a piglet.  
  
It had been an arduous trek back to Japan. He had long ago taken to staying up ten days before sleeping. This led to hallucinations. Maybe he had hurt people or destroyed homes during this? He didn't know. He found himself in Nerima, eventually. Ranma was playing dumb. This was the most humiliating confrontation, even if not the most painful. The cement mixer notwithstanding.  
  
Now there was Haruko and Kashin. With Kashin, he could use more of his power without losing control. At least, that's what he had thought. After the last battle, though...  
  
[AN 8/18/03: Ok, Part 1 was not funny at all. Exposition like this shouldn't be. If we joke about Ryoga's past from his own view, then it WOULD seem like cowardice. As for how truthful this is, well, Ryoga thinks its how things happened. Maybe Ranma has his own (twisted) view, but this is whatcha get for now. By the way, I am not gonna start posting notes at the end of each part again. I'm sure this ruins the fun.]  
  
Part 2: Kuno's Dilemma  
  
Kuno had a problem. Or, rather, Kuno-chan had a problem. She could not dispell this illusion. Normally, she could ignore it, but the prolonged absence of certain parts made life very complicated for her. For some reason, her feelings towards Akane felt very different, as did her feelings towards Kama-chan while in this state. If the duration was short, this could be overlooked. But the way Kuno-chan was looked at while in that Sailor uniform was too much. She couldn't find a zipper or anything. Thank the gods that the lower undergarments were removable. This damnable spell must be removed.  
  
"Aren't you going to fight!?" Akane shouted at the daydreaming Kuno-chan at the school entrance. Kuno-chan was the only morning challenger these days. She was also always wearing that stupid sailor suit. For the past two days since Ranma's kidnapping, Kuno-chan was in cursed form and in that revealing Sailor suit. Perhaps she had become a different kind of pervert?  
  
"Ah! Yes, my beloved!" Kuno-chan looked at Akane with a glazed look. She didn't even enter a fighting stance, though.  
  
"Well!?" Akane was flustered at the thought that Kuno-chan thought AKANE was going to attack first.  
  
"Oh, yes," Kuno-chan snapped to attention again, "Mayhaps today's battle shall be called?"  
  
"What?" Akane felt a little dizzy.  
  
"I have problems that concern me to the point that I can not bring myself to other concerns at this time," Kuno-chan explained as she left campus.  
  
Akane glazed out for a moment. Sayuri and Yuka ran up to her sides.  
  
"Do you think something's wrong?" Yuka whispered.  
  
"Maybe he's broken?" Sayuri speculated.  
  
"From getting beat up?" Yuka wondered.  
  
"Who cares? The pervert can do whatever he wants!" Akane stomped angrily.  
  
Kuno-chan was not sure where to turn. She knew hot water no longer removed the illusion. She much dreaded her sister's lab. Although 100% sure that Kodachi's genius could fix anything, she was also acutely aware that she could break anything. He had tried using scissors to remove the uniform. It was too tough. Then it occurred to him. This had started with the magic he had been given!  
  
Today, Kodachi had been approached by a strange man. The bespectacled man gave her a black pen and told her that if Kama-chan or Ranma Saotome ever acted aggressively towards her, that she should raise the pen into the air and shout the first word that came to mind. How strange. She kept it just in case. It had a magical feel to it.  
  
She would analyze it later. Surely it's powers could be harnessed. Then the Greatest Scientific Genius ever to enter Martial Arts Gymnastics would be supreme! Which meant what, she could not say. She was positive that it was a good thing.  
  
Kuno-chan was positive this was not a good thing. The business had been closed up until further notice. Where could Kuno-chan find her answers?  
  
St. Hebreke was at Kodachi's command to the same extent as Nabiki had once had at Furinkan. She had the power of Akane and the shrewdness of Nabiki, but without that puke inducing stuff that Kasumi radiated. As to how Kodachi knew all of these details about the Tendos, well, she was well connected.  
  
Kuno-chan was not well connected. Anyone she told her title to (in the hopes of gaining the precious information on this damnable illusion) would simply laugh and say something to the effect that that was ridiculous. Then there was Ranma. He followed her just out of sight and sound. Somehow, inexplicably, she knew where he was. Sure, she had brushed by Kama-chan once or twice, and tried to persuade the girl to aid her, but that failed with massive uppercuts. What a fist Kama-chan had!  
  
Kodachi had picked up an interesting tidbit when asking for the name "Ranma Saotome." She had not believed that this could be the same as the dreaded Kamaitachi, but from the whispers (HIS name was whispered EVEN at St. Hebreke) she gathered that some menace was using the demon's name to control Furinkan. Her lout of a sibling probably didn't have a clue. If Tatewaki was permanently cursed, perhaps it would be safer to enroll one Tatewako Kuno in St. Hebreke. No doubt was in Kodachi's keen mind that Dear Brother knew of the Kamaitachi's existance first hand. Never before had Kuno missed two consecutive days of school (in order to preserve his "honor") unless by injury or illness (usually Kodachi's own doing).  
  
Kuno-chan felt badly of wandering about town like an honorless derelict. Perhaps it was the blasted curse that had- NO! Kuno-chan refused to believe such sorcery possible! Unless... unless the gods were angered.  
  
Passersby noted an odd teenage girl in a red sailor costume was on her knees, screaming about redemption. It was best to leave the crazies from Nerima alone.  
  
Perhaps it was insanity. Kodachi felt quite lucid, anyway. But, of course, if the insane recognized their insanity, then they would be capable of rational thought, proving them sane. Of course, the insane had to prove insanity by rational means in order to justify it's existance. That was the way Kodachi saw things. It was logical to her, so it must be true, unless, of course, Kodachi were insane. Then it's irrationality would be proven by it's own rationality. Of course, if it were irrational, then it could not be proven so by its own logic, which would be incorrect.  
  
She realized that she could go on like this for days, so she thought to the point. What was the point again? This was the reason why they all thought Kodachi was inferior. She would show them, she would show them ALL!  
  
Kodachi's fourth period classmates ignored her usual midclass laughter, "Hohohohohohoho!"  
  
Kuno-chan was deep in the dumps. Noooo doubt about it. Deep in the dumps. Having realized that no priest of any religion or any government would sanction a marriage between one who appeared to be a Sailor Girl with one who showed tough love with mallets or one who showed tough love with uppercuts save possibly California. But it was still out of the question, even so. Besides the expense (which the Family Kuno could easily bear) there would be the consummation. Kuno-chan shuddered at this thought. She hated this damnable illusion. Or curse. Just to be safe, she would sacrifice virgins at the Altar of Happiness (spelling correct) in China. First she would have to... no, no, NO! That would never work.  
  
Kodachi thought of ways of capturing this "Kamaitachi." Nothing was invulnerable. Everything had a weakness to contain its own power by. Perhaps Kama-chan knew something of this?  
  
Kuno-chan was wallowing in self pity. She was in the boy's bathroom. Ignorant of the stares she got as she entered a stall.  
  
There had to be a way to make right what had gone wrong. Perhaps the "Kamaitachi" had the answers. The only way to get to the Kamaitachi, though, was to get to Kama-chan. Kuno-chan burst out of the stall and ran out of the bathroom and into the cafeteria (lunch was winding down). She shouted, "Kama-chan! I await you so that I may have a word with you!"  
  
"Poor Kuno!" Sayuri whispered to Akane and Yuka, "And he used to be soooo cute."  
  
"That new girl is so melodramatic, what is WITH her?" Yuka started.  
  
"That new girl is Kuno, Yuka," Akane stated flatly.  
  
"Oh! She must be Kodachi Kuno!" Yuka realized.  
  
"Uh, no. That's Tatewaki," Sayuri clarified.  
  
"Really!?" Yuka reddened. She usually was aware of these things better than Sayuri.  
  
"Yep," Akane agreed. The resemblance was noticable at second thought (this thought paled Akane a bit).  
  
Kuno-chan was taller than Kodachi by an inch or two and had short hair. Also there was the lack of Kodachi's charm. Although Kuno had an air of nobility, this felt more like fancy garnish than Kodachi's own air.  
  
Mayhaps the lady Kama-chan did not wish to speak with her for the one incident the other day. The Monday incident. Thursday was here and yet she still wished to speak not with him?  
  
"Hey, you wanna be Ranma's chick?" a boy sat beside Kuno-chan. A very red Kuno-chan. A very red Kuno-chan that Daisuke didn't recognize. Daisuke took the redness as a blush that signified gratefullness for the opportunity, "So I take it that you are honored to be the Lady of Furinkan High?"  
  
"What is your name?" Kuno-chan mustered with controlled anger.  
  
"Uh, Daisuke, Ranma's right hand man," Daisuke smiled his most charming smile.  
  
"And how do I contact this Ranma?" Kuno-chan tried not to crack her teeth.  
  
"Hey, I can't say when, but I here he hangs around the Tendos," Daisuke smiled. If this hottie wasn't for Ranma, then maybe...  
  
Daisuke's thoughts were interrupted as he was batted into lower orbit by Kuno-chan's bokken, "Chauvanist!"  
  
Akane was getting that dazed feeling again.  
  
Kodachi felt dazed. Perhaps it was the shock of having a boy in St. Hebreke, or the fact that the boy was halfway imbedded into the turf in front of her.  
  
"Heh!" Daisuke managed, "I.. l-landed on m-my feet." He was waist deep in earth.  
  
Kuno-chan was waiting in front of the Tendo residence. If she waited long enough, Kama-chan, Akane Tendo, Nabiki Tendo, or Ranma Saotome would find her or his way in or out of the household.  
  
The factor she had not expected walked right into her. Kasumi Tendo, long absent and now found. Her grey sailor suit was dirty and stained, but she appeared happy. The blood stains made Kuno-chan a little nervous, however, "Oh! Hello Tatewaki-kun!"  
  
"You can tell?" Kuno-chan felt the dazed feeling that Akane had felt.  
  
"Of course, don't be silly!" Kasumi giggled.  
  
"Sweet victory it is for the name of Kuno!" Kuno-chan laughed.  
  
Kasumi then removed a grey pen from one of her boots. She clicked a button and her stained sailor suit vanished, leaving her in a plain dress sans stains, "Why are you in Sailor Patrol mode, Kuno-kun?"  
  
It dawned on Kuno. The pen! That was the cause and the cure! But... where was it?  
  
Haruko had found a new toy. She loved to toss and catch it. It was strangely aerodynamic. It looked like a pen, but it was so obviously magical that she didn't even need her indicator to know so. She loved tossing it up and catching it. Up, down, up, down. Why would someone throw this away?  
  
"What're YOU doing!?" Ryoga stomped next to her, startling her. She dropped it the five stories down the building and into the storm drain in the street.  
  
"oopsie!" Haruko chuckled faintly.  
  
"Let's get going," Ryoga gestured towards the Vespa, which was balanced on the edge of the building. Kashin shook his television head.  
  
Part 3: Haruko meets Ranma!  
  
By insane coincidence, just when Ryoga was ready to give up all hope of finding the monster, he sprouted cat ears. Then they ran into Ranma and Kodachi. More appropriately, though, they ploughed into Ranma-chan and Kodachi.  
  
Everyone was floored. Kodachi was the first up, glancing around for injuries. Kama-chan was nowhere to be seen. Then she saw something peculiar. Some boy was unconscious and against a wall. He wore a red* bandanna, a yellow shirt, and black pants. And he had cat ears on the top of his head. She couldn't resist. She ran up to him and felt the ears. She then pulled one taut and produced a pair of shears. That's when a grey robot with a TV for a head interposed itself between them. It assumed a combat stance.  
  
*Ryoga wears this in remembrance of the deaths he has realized that he caused.  
  
"Ohohohohohoho!" Kodachi laughed, producing her ribbon, "You know not what you face! I am Kodachi Kunoichi Kuno! The Black Rose of Grief!"  
  
Kashin was unfazed. He blasted forwards with a punch. Kodachi evaded this with a laugh and landed half a dozen ribbon strikes to him. She then whacked him over the head with a brick. He stumbled a bit.  
  
She pushed forward, punching and kicking rapidly (she concealed this with a cleverly timed ribbon). This left dents in Kashin, who was beginning to malfunction. Its logic processors stated that this was not happening.  
  
Suddenly, Kodachi's eyes grew to the size of saucers.  
  
Ranma-chan awakened on the roof of a building. She had turned around in time to see a robot standing over a hunched, wide eyed Kodachi on the street. Though she could not see the robot's front, she was certain that it was preparing a death laser of some sort.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------  
  
No  
  
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"Ha! I see that she touched Ryokun after all."  
  
"Who!?" Ranma-chan turned around to see a taller girl with long, light red hair. She wore a red jacket, black pants, white boots, and yellow gloves. There was a large spatula on her back. It was like looking into a bizaare funhouse mirror.  
  
"I'm goin' by Haruko nowadays," The girl smiled.  
  
"You... you can't be!" Ranma-chan had been truly surprised for the first time ever.  
  
"Yep, Rankun, honey," Haruko's voice changed somewhat, "It's me, Ukyo Kuonji."  
  
"Uk..yo?"  
  
"Whatever, Konatsu, I do not care whether Ukyo's on the loose again or not," Genma said to a very masculine looking ninja. This was the boy that Genma had taught for a few years while needing an assistant to control his own drinking during the time that Ranma tried to escape daily.  
  
"It is my duty to see that lady Ukyo does not harm herself," Konatsu said as his oversized eyebrows waggled.  
  
"I believe that if she wanted you to follow her around, she would have taken you with her," Genma sighed as he lost his third game of Poker. Konatsu was a jinx.  
  
"But... you're a guy!" Ranma-chan felt strange about this situation.  
  
"Do I feel like one?" Ukyo rubbed closely to Ranma-chan. No doubt about it. This was a girl.  
  
"B-b-b-b-but?" Ranma-chan felt very nervous. Ukyo Kuonji was the guy that had accidentally turned his own hair red when they found the Master's book of magic.  
  
----------------------------------------------------  
  
flay the imposter  
  
----------------------------------------------------  
  
"C'mon! I've been searching for years!" Ukyo was making Ranma-chan uncomfortable.  
  
"But," Ranma-chan remembered the Ukyo that she had sparred with all those years ago.  
  
Ukyo seemed to catch the fact that Ranma-chan was uncomfortable by this point. She backed away and watched the pigtailed girl drop to her knees. Ukyo then offered Ranma-chan the thing that had brought them together, their favorite food, "Here's some of my spicy curry flavored okonomiyaki. Is this not proof that I am Ukyo?"  
  
"You aren't MY Ukyo!" Ranma-chan slapped the okonomiyaki away.  
  
"But I'm the way you wanted me to be!" Ukyo teared up.  
  
A memory came unbidden to Ranma. One of him telling her to be more confident and to be as spontaneous as possible and that that was his own philosophy.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------  
  
What is this?  
  
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"I'm sorry, Ukyo," Ranma-chan stood and found resolve, "but there can only be one of me."  
  
Cat ears had appeared on Kodachi's head as she began to feel incredibly nauseous. She had been thrashing about while the robot just watched, as if it had no idea what was happening.  
  
"It's her, isn't it!?" Ukyo looked down at Kodachi as her irises turned yellow. The tranformation to whatever creature that Ranma was was complete. Haruko dominated Ukyo now, "That can be fixed!"  
  
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Brown... down,down,down... into the yellow hell. That's where you must go!  
  
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A huge creature erupted from Kodachi's head. There was a mouth-like orifice at the top of a huge reddish sack, supported by three spider-like legs. Kodachi was still attached underneath. Kashin launched forward with a dive kick, which the beast deflected. Kashin got up and turned towards Ryoga, who was now standing, a look of horror on his face. "No more killing," He told Kashin as he found his resolve. The robot nodded in wholehearted agreement. As if it felt what he did.  
  
He was absorbed.  
  
"Die!" Haruko laughed insanely.  
  
"No," a deep, resonating voice demanded behind her. A glowing blue-eyed Ranma-chan floated above, energy crackling about him.  
  
"If this's the way its gotta be!" Haruko readied her spatula and flew at Ranma, a yellow intensity about her.  
  
Kashin turned red, but, for the first time, sported a red bandanna. He blasted forward and assailed his opponent with punches and kicks. These ranged from simple, direct ground based attacks to spinning, sideways aerial attacks. The monster responded by using Kodachi as both a shield and a weapon. Kashin refused to harm her. He backed away from each attack. He briefly considered using the cannon, but realized that this would undoubtably kill the girl.  
  
Haruko swiped with her spatula in midair. This missed, but as soon as Ranma-chan landed on the edge, she flipped the spatula around and began to fire spicy okonomiyaki at her. Ranma-chan dodged these easily and blasted forward.  
  
Spicy okonomiyaki fell from the sky. Kashin began to leap and swat the stuff towards the beast to distract it. One accidentally landed in the thing's mouth. Ryoga knew what would happen from experience. The thing spit Kodachi at Kashin, who caught her. It sputtered a bit and deflated. Kashin then jumped and dived right into the creature with an attack that looked like a super refined Futai no Wami. A chunk of the thing exploded.  
  
Haruko managed a hair thin dodge as Ranma-chan closed in. She whipped around and managed to lay a glancing blow against Ranma-chan. The pigtailed demon instantly twirled around. She found herself suddenly covered with warm goo.  
  
"If I gotta kill ya, I wanna kill the real you," Haruko shouted, tears spontaneously rolling down her cheeks, despite her wide grin.  
  
Ranma was in normal form. His old friend made a BAD mistake. An unearthly growl seemed to resonate from his chest as his mouth appeared to be in the motions of a laugh. If Haruko had had any sanity left, she would have wet herself.  
  
The monster began assaulting Kashin violently. Kashin took it standing. Only the gashes made by Kodachi remained. He then began to back down the street. The thing followed him, gashing and slashing wildly.  
  
What it didn't realize was that it was being maneuvered away from Kodachi and into an angle that made it unlikely at most that she would be hurt. The symbols for "Kakenzan" flashed on Kashin's screen.  
  
Ranma's flash of deep blue, almost black, energy aura burned away the substance. He looked like a devil right out of a fairy tale.  
  
Haruko was unperturbed. She looked quite feral as well. She was grinning madly, despite the near constant tears from her eyes. Her teeth looked almost like fangs and her eyes were like those of a cat. She was like the Cheshire Cat.  
  
Ranma seemed to hesitate at this observation, but only for a moment, before he blasted forward.  
  
It had appeared that the red blade that had formed from Kashin's palm had made one horizontal stroke into the monster. It fell into five pieces. Kashin dispersed the energy and approached the awakened, and quite startled, Kodachi Kuno.  
  
"No," Kodachi appeared to be panicked, "It's... Heaven's God of Fire! Lord Katenshinou!"  
  
The word "No" flashed on Kashin's screen, followed by "Kashin."  
  
"Lord Kashin!" Kodachi felt faint. She resolved to hold still, though. She approached the robot cautiously. She felt the gouges she had given it earlier, "What have I done?" She then quickly attached a small device in one of the gouges, incapacitating Kashin instantly, "That clearly was not the right way to enslave a god!"  
  
[AN: I would never force Mamimi to merge with Kodachi. My cruelty has its limits.]  
  
Ranma was repeatedly, and rapidly, beating Haruko. That was apparent. What was not apparent was how she withstood each blow to return one of her own. Finally, Ranma spin kicked her over the edge of the building. He approached the edge and looked over. It was clear that she had not hit bottom.  
  
Haruko had flown across the way and found herself in an office building. People scattered as she landed on a desktop computer. She rose, bruised, bloody, but unbowed and cackling like a madwoman. She suddenly felt a strange aura. Her magic indicator was clanking like it was as crazy as she.  
  
"Haruko Haruhara," A voice spoke in her mind, "Ukyo Kuonji."  
  
"Er?" She looked around, but saw only frightened office workers.  
  
"I am not physically present," the voice continued, "But there is a gift for you in the dumpster in the alley past the watercooler."  
  
Haruko looked around, spotting a watercooler to the left of a blue bathroom door. To the left of the cooler was an open window, "Ha!" She hopped from cubicle to cubicle, dodging mortified workers. Then she leapt out of the building and flipped onto her Vespa, which was waiting for her at the bottom. She was at one end of an alleyway. Ranma had become present at the other end.  
  
He smiled victoriously. This was, coincidentally, the same alley that he had fought Shampoo and Ryoga in. He recognized the "new back entrance" to the building Ryoga had burst from with his new technique. How intriguing.  
  
Haruko then dashed at Ranma, who prepared to strike a killing ki punch. Then she jumped into a blue dumpster to her left. At first Ranma laughed. Then he realized that there shouldn't be a dumpster in this alley. A flash of light and the feeling of a great power nearby confirmed his thoughts. Haruko leapt out of the dumpster in a yellow sailor suit.  
  
"Damn!" Ranma stumbled, "Well, I think I've had enough of this."  
  
"Not so fast!" Haruko withdrew a bladed spatula. It was like her normal one, except that it was, oddly, blue.  
  
"You are a yellow sailor, with a blue and white spatula for a weapon?" Ranma asked, sincerely.  
  
"I guess so," Haruko blinked, "Wierd, huh?"  
  
"Kinda," Ranma nodded.  
  
"You like?" Haruko smiled.  
  
"It's kinda neat, I guess," Ranma conceded.  
  
"Wanna hold it?" Haruko offered.  
  
"Boy, would I!" Ranma ran up and snatched the spatula, taking a few practice swings and examining it's shape and texture. Then he handed it back, "That is one sweet maiming instrument!"  
  
"God, but I gotta wear these dud duds," Haruko gestured to the offensively bright yellow sailor suit.  
  
"Ha!" Ranma chuckled good naturedly.  
  
"I get ta keep my gloves and my bracelet, though,"  
  
Haruko smiled.  
  
"Yeah, you got good taste," Ranma nodded sagely.  
  
"Yeah, you too," Haruko chuckled in return.  
  
"Hey! Wanna kill each other now?" Ranma asked excitedly.  
  
"Ooooh yeeeah!" Haruko raised her 'sweet maiming instrument' and began laughing again. Ranma jumped back a few yards and glowed darkly again. Just then, Kodachi wandered into the alley, lugging an inoperative Kashin behind. She was completely unaware of what was happening around her. Then she looked up at the glowing Ranma Saotome.  
  
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Boo.  
  
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Kodachi sceamed, "Kamaitachi!!!" What was strange was that she was laughing joyously, "Hohohohoho!" She then produced a black pen and shouted, "Vengeance!" There was a flash of light and Kodachi was suddenly in a black leotard that, aside from the lack of a skirt and the complete absence of sleeves, was almost identical to a sailor costume, "I asked for custom alterations, just so that I could preserve the name of Kuno in styyyyle!"  
  
"Wait," Haruko's eyes gimped and one twitched, "You got a CUSTOM outfit!?"  
  
"Is that not obvious, peon?" Kodachi turned up her nose on the inferior sailor.  
  
Ranma took this opportunity to umisenkan his way out of the area.  
  
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I hate cats more than being wet.  
  
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"Didja just say ya were gonna..." Haruko had a throbbing vein in her head.  
  
"Hoho," Kodachi laughed into one hand, "What an unsophisticated form of self denigration!"  
  
"I don't rightly know whatcha just said, but I'm gonna make you real dead!" Haruko screamed and charged forward. The 8 o' clock news was gonna have a field day with this one.  
  
Part 4: Musings  
  
Haruko had handily defeated Kodachi after ONLY nine hours of fighting. The stupid fool ACTUALLY believed that the fifth truce and late dinner break was for REAL! It was real rich! Hah hah! Haruko was at a loss as to where Kashin and Ryoga were, but figured that they'd be at the center of tomorrow's mecha battle.  
  
Yep, it'll be something wild. Maybe she give life to the image of a gunslinging hand or a carnivorous cell phone eater, or maybe... ah, screw it, she'd just pick sumpthin at random, like always. That TV-kun thing was pretty neat-o. Maybe she could get another one for herself.  
  
It'd be like that damn pen. It had taken her twenty minutes to figure out all of its functions. Boy, would Ranma be sorry when...  
  
Ranma.  
  
What about Ranma?  
  
It was clear that Ranma had never felt for Ukyo what she had felt for him. But... maybe she could have a second chance as Haruko?  
  
..  
  
..  
  
..  
  
Naah.  
  
She had to go through with killing him.  
  
He saw nothing but Ukyo in her. And not the Ukyo she had wanted to be.  
  
His death was the only thing that could fill the void of honor. Her irises flashed brown for an instant and she broke down, sobbing.  
  
Ryoga was unhappy. He had lost Kashin at some point. He remembered being crapped out. Then he saw Haruko beating on the previous girl, except that this girl was in a black leotard with sailor trimmings. And she fought back well. He had blacked out when he was hit in the head by flying debris. Fifteen times. When he awoke, Kashin was gone and the area was in rubble. Damn machines always walking away. Now he had to find Haru... oh damn! He suddenly found himself inside a classroom in some school in Nerima. Ah, he might as well sleep. Haruko would not let Ranma leave alive.  
  
Ranma had good day. No Genma, lots of fighting, Kuno trapped in cursed form, more fighting... and now he had a rival! Joy. He had more that reached his quota for destruction.  
  
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Let's celebrate by popping off Soun Tendo's head. Like a barbie doll's!  
  
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Ranma shook the notion from his head. Nah, he'd just sleep and see what his underlings had done for him in his absence.  
  
"Uh, Ranma?" Akane entered the dojo. Ranma had bound his own ankles and was swinging himself against a cinder block wall that he had constructed somehow.  
  
"Yes, Akane?" Ranma laughed knowingly.  
  
"What are you doing?" She had a not of concern in her voice.  
  
"Trainin'?" Ranma seemed surprised by this question, as though he thought the reason should be obvious.  
  
"Ah," Akane exited without even breaking a single brick. Poor Ranma, he ACTUALLY thought that that was training. Genma would die for this. As to why Ranma was muttering about Kuno and the frenzied spatula wielder that had shown up on the news, she assumed it was also Genma's fault and went to bed.  
  
Genma was sleeping in an alley. He had blown away all of his (Soun's) money and had nowhere to go. He supposed he'd work in a sideshow for awhile as the world's smartest panda while he set about finding a new dragonoid to slaughter. It started to rain. Ah well.  
  
Really long AN 8/20/03: (but, then, the story was 5-6 pages longer than usual)  
  
I'm starting to get the impression that Akane is not the best judge of character. Maybe I should write her as the next sailor? Nah, she's got a SPECIAL (evil laugh) role in all of this mess. As for Ranma's next friend? The meeting'll have to take place at school, and I had Ranma follow Kuno all day, so... no it isn't Haruko. I thought of transforming Haruko into Ukyo completely, but this would just make my original plans more screwed up. All sense of order will be lost from here on. At least in relation to the official continuities that I ripped bits of. By the way, yes I had seen all of FLCL prior to deciding Ukyo's fate. From the first moment that the idea occurred to me to merge them, I had a rough idea of how far I'd follow the series. Granted, I hadn't originally planned for a Canti standin, but I was already wondering which character would be Ukyo's Naota. At first it was Ranma, but Ryoga happened to be the first one I saw.  
  
I have no idea how to fit Ryoga into episode 4 and I have no clue how to put eps. 5 and 6 into the Ranma world. I had only thought to use the first two episodes originally, so there is no Medical Mechanica. Galactic Police? Maybe. Speaking of which, guess whose voice was emanating from the speakers on the ships awhile back? Hint: another crossover. Don't tell if you figured it out. I had meant to put her in as a Meryl for Ryoga, but I may use that one girl with the pig instead. Eh, who knows?  
  
As for Kuno, I did to him what I did for laughs, nothing more. I'd think losing his pen would be very Kuno-like. There'll be five sailors (hopefully I won't put anymore in), but I will repeat: There will be NO Sailor Moon crossovers. With the possible exception of one character, if you would link it specifically to Sailor Moon and not to every Magical Girl anime/manga. I will no more put Sailor Moon stuff in than I will DBZ.  
  
I am not meaning to put down either of these, but I have DBZ'd my eyes out and there are many Sailor Moon fics out there that would be much better than what'll happen here. (I really don't have the right attitude for battle teams right now.) Also, I have more fun poking fun at magical girls than I do at making them the primary focus.  
  
Speaking of focus, Shampoo will come back into the picture eventually. She'll probably be cursed. Why not? The surprise will not be what you might think. (very very subtle hints) It's been in the works for awhile. Maybe it'll be Chapter 10 or 11?  
  
I'd love to tell you more (aka hear myself talk), but this rantingly long note needs to end. Oh yeah, and anything that sounds stupid in Japanese comes from my not double checking words, as I have almost zero literacy in Japanese.  
  
Next time: The final sailor? Haruko kills Ranma? Ranma kills Soun? Soun shows up at all? Something happens with Akane? Nabiki does something? Gosunkugi gets a Jusenkyo curse? (He gets splashed, like, thirty times a day...) Who really knows? 


	8. Chapter 10: Questions and Answers

Disclaimer: As usual, most of this stuff comes directly from anime, which, believe it or not, I had no hand in writing or producing. What isn't taken from anime more or less pops out of my head like a demented Canti. I don't mean to infringe on anyone's rights, and I am reasonably sure that NO ONE would WANT to copy any of my ideas. I mean, maybe they'd do so under EXTREME duress, but, y'know, that isn't bloody likely. Unless they WANT friends to doubt their sanity.  
  
The Inner Demon Chapter 10: Questions and Answers  
  
Genma-panda decided it was time to go back to Nerima and get a job. That way, he would be closer to the "Sailor Scandal" as the newspapers had put it. The boy had probably done it in some way. Besides, being broke in the middle of any city was unpleasant.  
  
Part 1: The Ninja and the Pig or Exposition Expo!  
  
Ryoga had been wandering around, trying his damndest to either find Haruko or maybe Kashin. He was pretty sure that he wouldn't find them until he gave up, but did his best, regardless. He heard thunder in the background, "damn."  
  
Before he got wet, a man stepped beside him and shielded them with an umbrella. Ryoga looked at the man carefully. It was difficult to guage age, but he looked to be in his thirties. He was in a business suit and had large eyebrows. His eyes were quite serious, "You don't happen to be Ryoga the Stampede?"  
  
"What if I am?" Ryoga narrowed his eyes.  
  
"Caused quite an uproar when the teachers at St. Hebreke found you," the man stated without looking at the boy.  
  
"You aren't here to collect the reward, are you?" Ryoga looked off into the now pouring rain.  
  
"Naah," the man remained serious, "I'm here to ask you about Ukyo Kuonji."  
  
"Ukyo Kuonji?" The name was unfamiliar to Ryoga.  
  
"Do you know what happened to her?" He continued to push.  
  
"I have never heard of her," Ryoga looked at the man, now very suspicious. Ryoga wasn't the most educated, but he had a scientific mind. He saw a problem and played with the pieces until they fit. This man already knew the answers to his questions and probably more. Ryoga knew better than to let on, though.  
  
The man focused his eyes on Ryoga without moving his head, " She disappeared some time ago. I believe that this has something to do with your friend, Haruko Haruhara."  
  
" I don't know what you're getting at," Ryoga studied the man carefully.  
  
"If you say so."  
  
"I do say so."  
  
"Haruko Haruhara is a risky aquaintance," the man began, "You could get entangled in something you can't handle."  
  
"I'm the Humanoid Earthquake, remember?"  
  
"And I'm Amaro Konatsu," the man handed Ryoga his umbrella.  
  
"But I already have..."  
  
"Take it, you might need an extra," and with that, Konatsu walked into the rain as though it weren't there. Ryoga sighed as the strange man faded into the distance.  
  
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The rain won't stop. The god of rain is now on my list.  
  
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Ranma-chan hated being wet. Quite a bit. Having to share an umbrella with Akane did not help at all. It wasn't so much the proximity to Akane as it was the neon pink umbrella. Nabiki had laughed when she sold it to Akane. (All of the other umbrellas in the house had mysteriously vanished.)  
  
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Nabiki Tendo's days of power are numbered.  
  
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What really cinched it was the inevitable confrontation with Kuno (or, more likely, Kuno-chan). Ranma-chan was surprised when Kuno was absent from his usual post, "I see the Blue Blunder is out again."  
  
"I think he's too ashamed to show his face while he's stuck like that," Akane frowned. Nabiki had given that info as a freebie on the condition that Akane disseminate the news. Nabiki was usually able to do that herself. It seemed strange to Akane that Nabiki seemed to have fewer contacts these days. Some kind of paranoia had gripped the campus.  
  
"Eh," Ranma-chan shrugged.  
  
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Guess Nabiki expected Kuno to be here to meet the pink umbrella duo. Losing her touch.  
  
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"heh heh," Ranma-chan spontaneously chuckled.  
  
"What?" Akane looked Ranma in surprise. He/She had never laughed for no reason, sure she/he was cheerful, but...  
  
"Just thinkin' about where Kuno must be," Ranma-chan explained.  
  
Under Nerima, a gas mask sporting Kuno-chan looked through the sewer tunnels. That infernal pen must be here somewhere. Perhaps the red haired one with the oversized cooking instrument had lied? Perish the thought.  
  
"I gotta do somethin' before class," Ranma-chan smiled, "see ya later." Ranma parted from Akane once they were inside. She made her way to the boy's bathroom. No one gave her a second look. Most had tasted her fists on more than one occasion. They were under the impression that "Kama-chan" was related in some way to the dread Kamaitachi, and so had as little to do with her as possible.  
  
Ranma-chan approached a sink and filled a paper cup that seemed to just find its way into her hand with hot water. Then she left the bathroom for a janitor's closet, where she dumped its contents over her head.  
  
Ranma then headed towards a secret location under the teacher's lounge (accessible by way of several secret tunnels in strategic places).  
  
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Amazing what you can have done over the weekend.  
  
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It was a cave like room that was about medium sized. There was a picture of Hiroshi's mother hung behind a desk. Ranma had never bothered asking his cronies why that was there. There were filing cabinets and several chairs, some next to the three small tables. Hiroshi was waiting beside the desk in a business like fashion, "The board awaits." He gestured towards a door off to the side. The two entered into a much larger room. The door automatically closed behind them (a secret switch would open it again). There were other entrances into this board room from almost every club meeting place on campus. A long table, as well as a watercooler, a television, and several bright, ornate lamps decorated the interior. This room looked like an actual business boardroom that had been taken out of a corporate headquarters.  
  
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I need to get the specs on this place. Maybe there's a dungeon!!  
  
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The table had many seats, most of them occupied. The heads of virtually every club and sports team were situated in there. About six teachers were present, as well as the vice principal.  
  
Ranma took a seat at one end. He had a nameplate, as did all of the others. Each plate had a name and rank in the organization. To his left was a nameplate engraved, "Daisuke, Special Procurer, Recruiter, and Enforcer," to his right was a plate engraved, "Hiroshi, Chief Secretary and Espionage Advisor," There was a plate to Hiroshi's right that read, " Shin, Head of Student Activity." Ranma recognized Shin from his second day of school. He had been the coordinator of the boys' daily ritual before Kuno lost his bit of prestige. To the left of Daisuke's (empty) seat was a blank nameplate. It was the only one, "Who sits to Daisuke's left?"  
  
"We are still interviewing at this time," Hiroshi nodded respectfully, "Without Daisuke's expertise in recruiting or his files, we have difficulty locking down the one he had planned as his aide."  
  
"What of his files?" Ranma inquired.  
  
"The current news on the subject is that his dog ate them, sir," Hiroshi explained.  
  
"Very well," Ranma nodded in return, "Then let us make our first order of business to find a temporary fill in for his aide, who will act on Daisuke's behalf in his absence, whaddya say?" Ranma leaned forward at the end of his sentence, breaking his serious demeanor.  
  
"Sir, we have a double agent from the Nabiki camp that has done work that yesterday's session concluded deserved recognition," Hiroshi flipped through papers on a clip board.  
  
"What'd he do?" Ranma smirked as though the answer was obvious.  
  
"He has channelled funds from the Nabiki camp and has also garnered information and contacts," Hiroshi flipped another page.  
  
"Wa ha!" Ranma burst out. Everyone else laughed convincingly until he became serious again, "And so this guy's from your department?"  
  
"He has been trustworthy?"  
  
"Hikaru Gosunkugi has been nothing but."  
  
Gosunkugi took another splash for Nabiki. He had tried to hex the Ice Queen of Furinkan last night. Unsuccessfully. Oh, but he WOULD have his revenge.  
  
Nabiki had begun to wonder why Gosunkugi kept hammering those dolls into trees and why he had that lock of hair. It probably was harmless, but it sure was wierd.  
  
" Any other old business?" Ranma asked.  
  
" Well, the lunch ladies refused to drug the food," Ken, club leader of the brick breaker club, informed the group.  
  
"Ah well, it was a minor scheme," Ranma shook his head sadly.  
  
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Its the little things that really matter. Maybe I'll have to "persuade" them to our cause...  
  
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"Any new business?" Ranma asked.  
  
"Daisuke was injured yesterday," Hiroshi flipped another page, "Our St. Hebreke connection reports that he was waist deep in earth. We need to do something about hospital fees."  
  
"It'll be taken care of," Ranma smiled.  
  
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I never DID collect those IVs...  
  
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" Ahem," Mrs. Kuni, English teacher, spoke up, "I have recieved word that Dread Principal Kouchou Kuno is returning from Hawaii today."  
  
"I was not informed of this previously," Ranma shuffled reports from individual departments.  
  
"The Principal is very unpredictable," the vice principal spoke, "He comes and goes when his interest is piqued."  
  
"Can he be turned?"  
  
"Doubtfully."  
  
"Anything else I should know?"  
  
"I've heard rumors that Hinako Ninomiya is in cahoots with him," Mrs. Kuni responded, a touch of fear apparent.  
  
"Explain," Ranma commanded.  
  
"Ms. Hinako is feared as being the toughest and strictest teacher around," the vice principal's voice trembled,  
  
"She was recently in China on a teacher exchange, but it was called off because students were not afraid of the Chinese teacher in the way they were of Hinako. Chinese students whispered that she was a devil."  
  
"Interesting," Ranma nodded, "It is first period. Your excuses have been prepared. I call this meeting adjourned. We will meet again for a special sunday meeting and again next Wednesday." Everyone filed out except for Ranma, Hiroshi, and Shin, "Hiroshi, Shin, arrange a Saturday after school* meeting between me and Hikaru Gosunkugi."  
  
*I think that Japanese students work Monday-Saturday, correct me if I'm wrong.  
  
"Yes, sir!" they replied in unison.  
  
In a bar somewhere, Konatsu sat next to a blue haired woman similarly dressed in a suit.  
  
"Commander?" she looked at him.  
  
"Ryoga Hibiki is unaware of Ukyo "Haruko" Kuonji's intentions, I believe," Konatsu ordered a drink.  
  
"How should we proceed?" the blue haired woman asked.  
  
"We should just watch for the moment," Konatsu took a swig of his drink, "I'm sure Haruko has no intention of making any bold moves right now."  
  
"Hmmm..." The woman didn't seem convinced.  
  
Part 2: Where are Haruko, Genma, and Kuno?  
Haruko awoke on a rooftop. She had fallen asleep watching the stars and thinking about Rankun. She had mixed feelings. On one hand there was the honor of her family and on the other, there was the way she had once felt for him. She then got a devious smile. Maybe death would be too good for him...  
  
She hopped to her feet and started up the grill on her Vespa. Any onlooker would note that it never rained in a three meter radius from wherever she stood.  
  
Genma-Panda didn't bother trying to hitchike. He ran through the rain and was making decent time, despite that he hadn't eaten yet. That Kasumi made a good meal.  
  
Yeah, that's it, Haruko was makin' a truce meal for Rankun's lunch. Heh heh. He wouldn't see it coming. Not even the Kamaitachi would suspect Ukyo. Of course, that would mean wearing the old stuff.  
  
All Kuno-chan wanted was to get her old self back. She'd been in the sewers for hours and had found nothing. She then spotted something.  
  
Genma-Panda saw something in the distance. It appeared to be some kind of wreckage. There were men in suits everywhere around it. They warded people away. This, of course, meant that Genma-panda had to use the unisenken and sneak around...  
  
She'd just have to sneak into Furinkan High and offer the Okonomiyaki to Rankun. Rankun had always liked her special spicy kind. This meant that she'd have to use some low profile route, because of her appearance on the news...  
  
"At last!" Kuno-chan held the black ball point high and began clicking it. It seemed to be broken. Oh, wait! Was her pen red?  
  
Genma-panda heard a clicking sound nearby. He paid no real heed. Even if he was detected, no one would suspect an invisible... "Hands up, Jusenkyo Panda!"  
  
"Heads up, people!" Haruko flew down into the streets on her Vespa, cackling. She was heading right for the docks. A crowd watched her fly into the water. Or so they thought. The Vespa fell in, but Haruko was clinging under the docks.  
  
Genma-panda clung to the wall, waiting for the armed man to get closer to him. When the moment was right, he sprung around and knocked the man unconscious, breaking the guy's infra-red goggles. So that's how they saw him.  
  
Kuno-chan looked around. Surely she would see the damned pen eventually. Nothing could escape the desires of the Kuno family for long. She would just have to find her way to it.  
  
She found her way to a sewer access tunnel. She then whistled. The Vespa emerged from the water and heated quickly, drying itself off. She gave her usual smile, mounting the moped and started her path.  
  
Genma-panda followed a fairly linear path inside the wreckage to an operating computer terminal. It became clear what this wreckage was now. He turned and ran as fast as he could. He'd had enough adventure for one life. He'd keep to simple things like slaying ancient evils from now on.  
  
From this point on, Kuno-chan would be able to resume her original form. She had red pen in hand and was one moment from pressing a hidden button, the one that Kasumi Tendo had pointed out, then she could leave this wretched illusion behi-  
  
Haruko mowed her down from behind as she zipped through the sewers. She managed not to get HERSELF wet, but Kuno-chan was flattened and submerged under the nasty sewage. Haruko would be at Furinkan and in her old clothing in moments.  
  
Genma-panda was out in moments and continued towards Nerima. He'd have to camp and eat soon, but he'd be there by nightfall.  
  
Part 3: The Assembly and Ranma's Folly  
  
An assembly was called by the newly arrived Principal Kuno. Ranma hurried to the auditorium in order to guage the new threat. He found a seat with a good view and plopped down. No one made any sudden moves. The podium was empty. The vice principal watched for Kouchou Kuno with great anxiety. He hoped that Principal Kuno had not gotten worse. The man had a tendency to improve on his terror factor after every vacation.  
  
Akane sat with her friends. Ranma was apparently not in their class's seats. It seemed odd to her that no one seemed to care. They must have known about the abuse that Genma had put on Ranma. That old jerk.  
  
"Do remember what Principal Kuno did after his vacation to China?" Sayuri asked, her voice quivering.  
  
"He tried to set up a communistic regime in the school..." Yuka wrung her hands.  
  
"And after getting back from Africa?" Sayuri felt ill.  
  
"Tranquilizer guns..." Yuka shuddered at the memory.  
  
"That was before all of this upheaval, though," Nabiki said, sitting beside Yuka.  
  
"Nabiki," Akane felt some kind of con coming, "What are you doing in this section?"  
  
"There's something really bad happening," Nabiki stated with grim seriousness, "My business is getting horned in on by some guy that calls himself the Kamaitachi."  
  
Gosunkugi sat next to Nabiki, blushing fiercely in Akane's presence, "A-and he's g-got everyone w-worked up!"  
  
"What?" Akane felt a chill run up and down her spine.  
  
"say, akane, ?Do you know what a kamaitachi is?"  
  
The words echoed in her mind from the day of Genma's arrival. The demon in her house! She had forgotten about it in all the chaos! It followed her to school.  
  
"Uh, Akane?" Yuka tapped a zoned out Akane on the shoulder.  
  
"I've got something to do," Akane stood with resolve. She left the auditorium for the one place that had her answers.  
  
She missed the assembly, which opened with Kouchou Kuno rising to the podium via a trap door. He wore a Hawaiian shirt, sunglasses and he had a plastic palm tree on his head. He was deeply tanned, "I leave you keiki's alone fo two months and you goin' crazy wit all de blastins and bommins and punchins and fightins all aroun town! I left my vacation earlier den I want to, keikis. Now you gonna get de punishment. I replace thirteen worse classes wit Ms. Hinako Ninomiya!"  
  
There was an uproar. The smiling principal grimaced and raised a silencing hand, "I be plannin' dis cayfully. I be clonin' Ms. Hinako to be de thirteen Hinakos." Suddenly, thirteen small children with happy expressions filed out from behind the once again smiling principal. This would have looked like a gag if all of the children weren't identical. They were all the same height, with the same clothes, and the same longish black hair, "Say sumpin, Hinakos!"  
  
"We are gonna teach you..." they all said in unison before their faces warped into the same crazed expressions, "LESSONS FOR LIFE!"  
  
"You gonna wish you hadn't made me come back, Keikis!" Principal Kuno laughed.  
  
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Laughing fools die first.  
  
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Ranma chuckled and flashed a glance at the vice principal. The older man nodded and whispered something in the Principal's ear.  
  
"Who is Ranma Saotome!?" Principal Kuno demanded.  
  
Ranma smiled and stood, raising his hand and waving it with mock enthusiasm.  
  
"You going to be de example!" Kouchou snapped his fingers and one of the Hinakos pointed a coin at Ranma.  
  
"Five yen satsu!" the child called out. Ranma seemed unaffected, but the Hinako's eyes opened wide and she dropped off of the stage.  
  
The following uproar was silenced when the principal shouted, "Assembly dismissed! Go to eat lunch, keikis!" The assembly hall emptied. Ranma gave Kouchou his feral face before exiting with the crowd.  
  
Haruko was in her old okonomiyaki chef outfit that she'd worn until taking the name "Haruko." It had slots for many weapons, but these were mostly empty. She looked much like a somewhat bishounen boy with her binder on. She'd forgotten what it had felt like. She waited in the commons until she saw Ranma, Hiroshi, and Shin sit at a table. Haruko ran up to the three and spoke, "Hey, I wanna say I'm sorry."  
  
"Huh?" Ranma smirked as though he was following a script.  
  
"I just want to offer you some okonomiyaki," Haruko smiled and presented a large tray of carefully prepared okonomiyaki, "Super spicy, just like you like them!"  
  
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Must resist... ah, what the hell! Gimme!  
  
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Ranma wolfed down half of them. He loved spicy food. Hiroshi stuck with the school lunch and Shin regretted taking his small nibble, belching up smoke. Ranma didn't even look red. He handily finished them all and belched, "That was great, Ukyo!" He then noticed something strange about Ukyo's smile. Wait... her eyes were still yellow.  
  
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uh oh.  
  
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"Hey, hey!" Haruko laughed, "I didn't do nothin' to 'em!" She then hopped onto her conveniently located Vespa and zoomed away.  
  
"That was odd," Hiroshi commented.  
  
"Yeah, no kiddin'," Ranma frowned.  
  
"haa..he..elp! urk!" Shin started vomiting.  
  
"Lightweight," Ranma patted his belly.  
  
Akane was running down the street when she ran into Dr. Tofu, literally. He had been watching the canal water and basically relaxing until Akane showed up.  
  
"I think we have a demon in our house, and it's taking over Nerima!" Akane panted as she stood.  
  
"What makes you say that?" Tofu inwardly smirked.  
  
Kuno had finally returned to normal. He decided to hole up at home while he got re-oriented with his body. He unwittingly found himself just outside Kodachi's lab. A light was flashing inside. Why was Sister home?  
  
"Dear brother!" Kodachi's voice called out, "Do not tell me that you have become truant!"  
  
Kuno walked into the lab, fearlessly, "I was removing the accursed sailor outfit!" He then noticed that Kodachi was experimenting on a wriggling grey-blue robot.  
  
"It seems he won't turn red again under any stimulus," Kodachi muttered before turning to her brother. Her lab was a maze of machines, vats, tiles, lights, and tubes of all sizes with various colored water contained within, "Why have you come home so early if your goal is accomplished?"  
  
"I reek of sewage and my accoutrements have been defiled. Twould be ignoble for me to set foot past the hallowed threshold of mine school, dear sister, for tis I that has-" Kuno spoke before Kodachi interrupted.  
  
"Why do you smell of sewage, brother?"  
  
"I have tramped throughout the sewers in search of the pen that curses and acts as panacea! Verily, for I would have quested hell for mine piece of mind!" Kuno rambled.  
  
"You only have one piece left, so treasure it,"  
  
Kodachi muttered.  
  
"What?" Kuno's attention was grabbed.  
  
"Shut up," was Kodachi's answer before she turned back to the robot, "by the way, father has returned."  
  
Kuno fainted dead away.  
  
Ryoga ditched the umbrella he'd been given when the rain ceased. He found himself in front of Furinkan again when Haruko zipped out like a bat out of hell, picking him up on the way and setting him down behind her.  
  
"Where were you!?" Ryoga yelled at her.  
  
"Where dya think?" Haruko laughed as she raced down the street. As per her standard, cars, trucks, pedestrians, etc. were tossed around like rag dolls from the surge of wind around her. Since this is a street in Tokyo, you can imagine what this is like.  
  
"Why were you at Furinkan?" Ryoga calmed somewhat. He was happy to see her again, despite his initial reaction.  
  
"Gettin' revenge!" Haruko giggled cutely, but with a somewhat sinister grin, "Let's find Kashin and prepare for our next move!" Her indicator show the direction Kashin was in.  
  
A chill ran down Kodachi's back. The yellow sailor was coming. She knew why as she looked at Kashin. There was no way her latest toy would be taken back so easily. She unhooked it from her analysis device and led the staggering bot out the back. Suddenly, the robot snapped to alertness, "Oh no!" Kodachi hid herself to avoid another stalemate battle. Haruko's Vespa ramped up the roof of the Kuno estate and landed beside Kashin.  
  
"Kashin, quick!" Ryoga shouted as Sailor Kodachi made a quick move in the hopes of overpowering a regular Haruko. Kashin, however, absorbed Ryoga and picked up the Vespa with Haruko on top and flew away at high speed.  
  
"Rats!" Kodachi snapped her fingers. A ball of live rats fell from the sky and onto her, "Damn sailor powers."  
  
Kashin evacuated Ryoga and returned to his grey color. It was obvious to Haruko and the lost boy that his injuries had been aggravated.  
  
The blue haired girl looked though the scope of her rifle, "Lieutenant Kiyone here, the robot is within range, I think I can take him!"  
  
"Desist from current course, sensors indicate that Haruko has some new kind of magic," Konatsu advised, "If you attack now, she may do something rash. Follow them until we can be certain of the nature of her powers." Konatsu deactivated his comm and sat back in his MIB van. The Galactic Police had assigned  
  
Former Captain Kiyone to Earth's MIB branch under him. Well, not just her, but the blond was so incompetant that Konatsu left her to nap.  
  
"This is all Mihoshi's fault," Kiyone gritted her teeth as she put away her rifle.  
  
The rest of the day after lunch passed without incident, except for random, insane announcements. He sighed.  
  
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Who knew that Nerima handled crazies so well. I think I'm gonna have my work cut out for me.  
  
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When he got back to the Tendo's, he noticed that Akane was absent.  
  
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I don't have time for fun now, anyway. I'm gonna skip training today, I don't think sailors will be a problem tonight.  
  
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He ate dinner quickly and went upstairs to bed. Things had been tense between him and Kasumi, but Kasumi hadn't seemed to remember what had really happened. It was difficult to tell with her.  
  
Anyway, he decided to just go to sleep. His last thought before drifting off was how strange it was that he had not been splashed since eating Ucchan's food.  
  
In his sleep, his body shifted to Ranma-chan. She opened her eyes and grinned a strange grin. She rose and began fumbling around in her old gi in its hiding place. She chuckled when she found what she wanted. Her irises were yellow.  
  
AN 8/23/03: End on a cliffhanger. There's not much to say, I guess. I don't plan on bringing Tenchi himself in, but there might be a Washuu of some sort, eventually. Also, I think I'm going to create somewhat of a Wolfwood-Vash relationship between Haruko and Ryoga. This would underly their semi-romantic partnership now. Of course, as you may expect, there are two Harukos out there now. It must be contagious. And no, Shin will not transform. Unless he had fallen in the pool of drowned girl, which I haven't had him do. I apologize for the lack of action and the lesser amount of comedy. I'll make up for it next time, I promise!  
  
Next Time: Things get crazy again when Haruko2 and Shampoo show up to wreck everyone's party. Also, we learn what happened to Akane and we might meet the final scout (you won't expect this). That's just the beginning. Ranma WILL meet his second friend this time (no, Shin was not one of em). FLCL ep 4 may make an appearance as well. 


	9. Chapter 11: A New Problem

Disclaimer: I didn't shoot the sheriff. Or the deputy, really. It was Ranma's fault.  
  
The Inner Demon Chapter 11: A New Problem  
  
It was late. Genma was in his normal form, in front of the Tendo household. Inside lay the responsibility that he had tried to avoid. He was almost certain that the boy was up to something devious. In support of this thought, he noticed that the guestroom's light was on. The house had apparently been hit by a large object where one of the windows had been. This couldn't be good.  
  
Part 1: Haruko, Haruko.  
  
Ranma-chan chuckled softly as though anticipating something hilarious. She walked to her window and looked out at Genma, who was observing the hole that Ryoga had made the night that she had been injured by Kasumi. She stifled a laugh when she considered the thing she'd retrieved from her gi. If only he knew.  
  
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This is the oddest dream I've ever had. No carnage. Its like I'm still awake.  
  
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Ranma-chan opened the window and leapt through.  
  
Genma saw Ranma-chan flying towards him. It was almost surreal. Not in the "return to the nightmare" way that he'd envisioned, though. The boy was smiling a strange little smile. Ranma-chan seemed to lack any malice. It was as though nothing but irrational impulse had sent her through the window at him.  
  
He prepared his special counter for situations like these, when Ranma-chan wrapped her arms around his neck and shouted, "Daddy! I have missed you ever so much!"  
  
His jaw dropped. Then he fainted dead away after his brain overloaded, trying to comprehend this turn of events.  
  
Ranma-chan took this chance to saunter away.  
  
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I am now a firm believer in suicide.  
  
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Ranma-chan walked towards Furinkan, a devious expression on her face. Not an outwardly malicious one, though. When she reached the gates, she leapt over and began to scan the area. She'd need a nice spot for what she wanted to do.  
  
He had called together all of the Sailors to discuss strategy. After the most recent debacle, he had no doubt that they were not competant without guidance. Tofu knew that without the Magical Pretty Princess of their team, he would be the only qualified leader. Despite that he was not supposed to introduce himself to any magical girl, monster trainer, or mecha warrior, he knew that Ranma was a threat that power alone would not solve.  
  
Kasumi, the innocent handmaiden, was the first to arrive. He had already introduced himself to her. That is to say, that he revealed his true occupation to her. That was under pressure, though, so it didn't count. Now that she was a sailor, he had little trouble controlling himself.  
  
Kuno, the courageous warrior general, was next. He was clearly uncomfortable with the notion of being the reincarnation of a dead female demon slayer. He was under the impression that Tofu was a shinto priest or some such. It really didn't matter.  
  
Kodachi, the avenging fury, followed soon after. Kuno seemed surprised by her arrival. He apparently had not put two and two together as to the identity of the black leotard sailor with the rose whip. She, of course, had figured out days ago who Kuno was.  
  
Haruko was absent. She had said through the holographic communicator that she'd be there with some okonomiyaki, but it seemed that she was unreliable.  
  
They were all in plain clothes in Tofu's clinic. Except Kodachi, who apparently liked her costume enough to wear it in public. They sat at a small table that Tofu had set up for the purposes of this meeting. Everything had been rearranged to allow for this.  
  
After waiting an hour for her to show up, they finally began, "I'm sure you all know who I am and why you are here."  
  
"To get rid of badness and not nice things!"  
  
"Destroy the man known as Ranma Saotome!"  
  
"To kill the demon known as the Kamaitachi!"  
  
"Right," Tofu realized that the things he had said to rope these people into performing the services of their previous selves was going to become convoluted, "The Kamaitachi is the ultimate goal. He must be killed or sealed away. Ranma Saotome must not continue his evil ways."  
  
"Ranma isn't a bad guy! He said so himself!" Kasumi protested.  
  
"Ranma Saotome is a liar and a deciever," Tofu responded.  
  
"Verily!" Kuno supported.  
  
"He is possessed by a demon, which brings him to do evil," Tofu continued.  
  
"But not his sister, the one known as Kama-chan," Kodachi put forth.  
  
"Rightly!" Kuno picked up, "One so beautacious and pure as Kama-chan can be responsible for no evil!"  
  
Tofu realized it was going to be a long meeting.  
  
Ranma-chan had dug a small pit. Inside this pit was an area of hard rock, about the shape of a hemisphere. She had fashioned a lid of concrete for this hemisphere, onto which she had carved, with bare fingers, several wards that would require her to be the exact one to lift it once placed. She reached into her right pocket and removed a small vial of water. She smiled widely as she was about to place it in it's hiding place. No one would suspect that the home plate at the baseball diamond would hold such an important treasure. She uncorked the vial and inserted her test device into it to make sure it was what she had thought. Smiling victoriously, she removed the device and was about to put the cork back when...  
  
"Ranma!"  
  
Ranma-chan was startled and splashed a small quantity of water behind her. She quickly corked the precious water and spun around. She saw a familiar looking boy there, in a Furinkan girl's uniform.  
  
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He has girly hair.  
  
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"Why?" he asked dazedly, collapsing in a very feminine way.  
  
It dawned on Ranma-chan what had happened. She turned and quickly put the corked vial into its hiding place, sealing it and burying it with a gust of ki powered wind. She then took a blow to the back of the neck, sending her into a fence face first.  
  
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This'd better not be one of THOSE dreams.  
  
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"I believed in you!" The boy growled as he closed in. He was quite well toned and had an expression on his face similar to...  
  
Ranma-chan had turned around and assumed a special, happy-go-lucky fighting stance. She had never used it previously.  
  
The boy looked into her eyes and suddenly took a step back, "You aren't Ranma!"  
  
"Waha!" She chuckled, "Of course I'm not! I'm Haruko Saotome, and I've possessed his cursed form."  
  
"Die!" the boy ran at her full tilt. Something seemed to shift about his aura. He was much faster and stronger now.  
  
"So Akane is a sailor?" HSaotome laughed as she flipped up onto the top of the baseball diamond's high fence behind home plate.  
  
Akane-kun took the gate apart with one punch.  
  
"Where's your pen?" HSaotome jeered as she flipped behind Akane-kun.  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about!" He shouted as he missed another punch.  
  
Haruko Saotome managed to dodge by only an inch or so. Too close for comfort. She smirked, nevertheless. Before Akane-kun could throw another punch, the real Haruko slammed into him, riding her Vespa. A red Kashin tackled Akane-kun, easily pinning him.  
  
"Get on!" Haruko gestured for HSaotome to ride. Haruko was in her normal clothing now, having removed the old Ukyo era gear.  
  
They jetted off, "We got an appointment to make!"  
  
Kashin took Akane-Kun to the school's flagpole and wrapped it around him. Then Kashin flew after Haruko's Vespa.  
  
"Grrr!" Akane-kun struggled. Then the full brunt of realization of his current situation returned. Genma Saotome had to pay for this.  
  
Part 2: Sailors Unite!  
  
"...so Ranma and Kama are the same person," Tofu summarized the past twenty five minutes.  
  
"That is not possible!" Kuno shouted in disbelief.  
  
"Kama-chan is my friend, you can not mean to suggest that my choice in friends is incorrect!" Kodachi took a dangerous tone.  
  
"But Ranma would never hurt anyone if it could be avoided," Kasumi restated, serenely.  
  
"..." Tofu slapped himself in the face. He felt like beating his own head against a wall, "Ok, then, our priority is to-"  
  
Haruko burst into the clinic, dragging HSaotome behind her, "Wha'd I miss?"  
  
Everyone sweatdropped at her.  
  
"Kama-chan!" Kodachi stood up from the table and approached HSaotome, "Explain to them that you are not Ranma Saotome!"  
  
"Why, of course I am!" HSaotome smiled, "But some of the time I'm me!"  
  
Kodachi blinked. Kuno followed suit. Tofu threw in a blink as well, for good measure. Kasumi sipped a glass of tea that had somehow found its way into her hands.  
  
"Don't mind 'er!" Haruko sat at a fourth seat, propping her legs up and reclining, "I just poisoned Ranma, no big!"  
  
Half of the room blinked. Kasumi sipped her tea peacefully.  
  
Then Kuno got an idea. He walked over to Kasumi, grabbing her hot tea and splashed it on HSaotome. Her eyes resumed their normal color as she became Ranma.  
  
"What the hell?" Ranma blinked dazedly. He remembered walking all around town and fighting an angry boy vaguely. He then realized he was in the same room as the four sailors, "Again, what the hell?"  
  
"Nothin'" Haruko splashed both Kuno and Ranma with a convenient bucket of water.  
  
"Watch your aim, audacious one!" Kuno-chan growled. She then proceeded to dry off herself with a towel handed to her by Tofu.  
  
"Oh dear, what a mess," Kasumi muttered.  
  
" I really don't like gettin' wet, if ya don't mind,"  
  
HSaotome wrung out her clothes, which were soaked more from the bucket than the tea.  
  
"So... what do we do now?" Kodachi sat down again.  
  
"We need to find your leader, the Magical Pretty Princess," Tofu rubbed his temples while holding his glasses in one hand.  
  
"Ah," Haruko smirked, "And how would that be done?"  
  
"Well, since you are all Nerima based, I assume it would be one of Ranma's enemies, " Tofu replaced his glasses. The thought that 'Haruko' possessed magic powerful enough to imprint her personality on anyone was disturbing.  
  
A white cat watched this entire event calmly from its perch on top of a cabinet.  
  
"Its midnight," Kasumi stated, looking at a wall clock, " Tomorrow is Saturday, you girls might miss school. " She turned toward the Kuno siblings as she said this. Kuno-chan grimaced at the word "girl."  
  
"I would prefer it, Miss Kasumi, if you would not refer to me as a girl," Kuno-chan stated politely.  
  
"But..." Kasumi seemed confused, "You said that this hot-cold water thing was an illusion, but you are a sailor, so I thought that meant you were really a girl..."  
  
Kuno-chan flinched, "Tis ignoble of me to disparage the observative abilities of a maiden such as thee, but ..." Kuno-chan realized that Kasumi seemed completely blank, "Never you mind. Come, sister, let us away to our residence to prepare for tomorrow."  
  
"Yes, brother," Kodachi stood, not taking her eyes off of Kama-chan or Haruko2, whichever was before her. No doubt a nefarious trick. This Haruko2 must be destroyed.  
  
As the siblings headed out, Tofu shouted after them, "Don't forget to check for the princess!" They mumbled acknowledgement before closing the door behind them.  
  
"So, whatcha want me ta do?" Haruko picked her nose, "Ya want me ta find some princess?" And yes, she did take her gloves off. They rested halfway out of the left pocket of her red coat.  
  
"That and fight the demonoids that crop up, "Tofu adjusted his glasses.  
  
"'Demonoids'?" Haruko examined the finger she had been picking her nose with.  
  
"They are like crosses between animals or objects with people, " Tofu explained.  
  
"Ah, so they may be dog boys?" Haruko casually wiped her hand on the table, which Kasumi quickly cleaned.  
  
"Possibly, but they as frequently appear comical as they do horrifying, so be on your guard, " Tofu advised, "They are all deadly."  
  
Kasumi lifted Haruko's booted feet, at first to clean under them, before realizing how dirty the boots themselves were,  
  
"Oh dear," Kasumi began to clean the boots with several items from her purse. How impolite it was to not remove your shoes before entering someone else's house!  
  
Haruko didn't seem to care, possibly pleased with the idea of having someone diligently clean her boots.  
  
"Just because something looks like an anthropomorphic kitten doesn't mean that it won't try to take a chunk out of you,"  
  
Tofu elaborated.  
  
"So I gotta watch out for Hello Kitty?" Haruko chuckled.  
  
"Possibly, yes," Tofu nodded with a very serious look.  
  
Haruko found this hilarious. Haruko2 followed suit by laughing wildly.  
  
"Hmm," Tofu raised an eyebrow, "How long is Ranma going to be like this?"  
  
"Ah, maybe four more hours," Haruko thought, "Sooner if he keeps gettin splashed."  
  
"Explain," Tofu requested.  
  
"Well, the sub persona is only strong enough ta control him about five ta seven hours, " Haruko smirked, "Assumin' that he's asleep or not expectin' to change. The other persona isn't close enough ta his personality ta control him 'cept when he's a girl. It doesn't need ta work hard ta get 'im ta do what it wants as long as he doesn't know ta resist. It won't go away, by the way. After its rested about eight or nine hours, it'll re charge."  
  
"Ah," Tofu started to wonder about this girl again, "and how long have you been doing this?"  
  
"First time, " Haruko replied with an unreadable smile.  
  
Kasumi finished cleaning up the grime on Haruko's boots when she suddenly realized, "Ranma has school tomorrow too!"  
  
"Oh, well, he's sleepin' right now, I think," Haruko pointed at Haruko2, "But I guess I should take 'im home."  
  
"I can do that for you," Kasumi offered.  
  
"Nah, you and the perfesser oughta clean up what we left at the school," Haruko rose and led Haruko2 outside with a knowing laugh. She didn't close the door behind her.  
  
"What do you suppose she meant by that, Dr. Tofu?" Kasumi wondered.  
  
"We had better check," Tofu was sweating very slightly.  
  
The white cat ran out the open door. Kasumi didn't see it, and Tofu only caught a flash of white.  
  
Kashin and Ryoga had been waiting outside. Ryoga had no idea why or how Haruko had done whatever she had done to Ranma, or what she was doing in this clinic, but he was pretty sure that it had something to do with getting even with Ranma. He was sure also that this was only the first step.  
  
When two girls emerged from the building, he had a stirring of uncertainty. The first one was wearing an ill-fitting Kendo uniform and the second wore a sailor-leotard suit. He recognized its style from earlier. He recognized the girl from earlier as well. The one that stole Kashin. She seemed powered down, but...  
  
Ryoga interposed himself between her and Kashin, who similarly watched her carefully. She had repaired him in her lab, but had no doubt planned on reprogramming him.  
  
"Hello Kashin," she smiled before following her brother away from the boy and his mecha.  
  
Ryoga and Kashin visibly and audibly shuddered. Well, actually, Kashin shuddered only visibly, but his TV set of a head flashed his unhappiness. But, I digress...  
  
He was uncertain about this place after seeing that girl, but Ryoga trusted Haruko. Surely she was still bent on destroying the Kamaitachi.  
  
But, if that were true, why would he have to wait outside? It was so frustrating. He had been tortured physically and mentally by this monster of a human being.  
  
"I'm takin' over -Ranma Saotome, Kamaitachi."  
  
"We are better! I'll show you!"  
  
"i will unLock YouR trUe power."  
  
"Oops, I guess I broke my promise."  
  
"What? Are you going to try to hit me?"  
  
"RANMA!" "BECAUSE OF YOU I'M IN HELL!"  
  
"Uhh, who are you again?"  
  
"i Suppose it iS like YOUR nightmare."  
  
Ryoga felt sick thinking about Ranma. That one person had ruined his life. Ruined his life and made HIM look like the crazy one. Now Haruko was toying with Ranma. It would be a recipe for disaster. He should just forget Haruko and...  
  
"I want to travel with you."  
  
The memory of their (very odd) first meeting rang in his mind. He wasn't sure why, but he decided to trust her judgement.  
  
"Hey!" her voice suddenly hit him, "Ryochan!"  
  
He realized that he had been staring at the sky.  
  
"Let's get goin," she gestured for him to get on the Vespa. He followed her. That's when Ranma-chan hopped onto his shoulders.  
  
"What are you doing?" Ryoga asked with unnatural calm.  
  
"Ridin'," Haruko2 laughed.  
  
"Get offa me," Ryoga demanded with the same calm.  
  
"No," Haruko2 bent so as to look Ryoga in the face, "I don't wanna!"  
  
"Grr..." Ryoga's left eye twitched.  
  
"Just put up with it for now, " Haruko looked back as she revved the moped. Ryoga grudgingly acquiesced.  
  
They zipped off, with Kashin in hot pursuit.  
  
The white cat from the clinic watched them zip away. Its eyes narrowed.  
  
Part 3: Meet the Parents  
  
"Hey, Haruko Saotome!" Haruko addressed Haruko2, "I don't think there's enough room for two of us!"  
  
"Hear ya, hear ya!" Haruko2 grinned, "How's about Haruko Saotome starts speakin' in the third person?"  
  
"Yeah, but ya need a different name, one that's compact," Haruko replied.  
  
"How about Selphie?" Haruko2 suggested.  
  
"Naah, I ain't one fer copyright infringement,"  
  
Haruko shook her head, "How does Edward strike ya? Its nice and confusing."  
  
"Ooh yes!" Haruko2 laughed childishly, "Ed likes that!"  
  
"Its settled then," Haruko smiled, "No hornin' in on my gig now!"  
  
"Ed wouldn't think of doing that!" Edward laughed in her new, childish laugh, "Ed wonders what Ed's father will say."  
  
Ryoga blinked several times during this bizaare exchange.  
  
Genma opened the front door when a knock came. He had one hand behind his back with a straight jacket. He'd woken Nabiki and Soun when he'd arrived. Kasumi and Akane were missing. Strange that Ranma had been out all night at the same time. He had expected to see Ranma-chan, but was surprised to see a boy with a red bandanna and a girl with yellow irises.  
  
"Oh!" Haruko pointed at Genma, her face in a neutral expression, "You must be Genma Saotome!"  
  
"We have not met," Genma was sure that the boy was none other than Ryoga the Stampede, but who was the girl? Could she be...  
  
"My name's Haruko Haruhara, " She opened her hand to shake.  
  
Genma dropped the straight jacket that had been behind his back and shook her hand, "Yes, well, I AM Genma Saotome, what have you been doing with my son?"  
  
"Kissing!" She laughed after they released hands.  
  
Everyone (now including Soun and Nabiki, who had been curious) fell over, then quickly stood.  
  
"Cuz' we're ENGAGED!" She seemed to get a kick out of the last word.  
  
"What is the meaning of this, Saotome!?" Soun grabbed Genma by his gi.  
  
"I have no ide-" Genma began.  
  
"You might remember Ukyo Kuonji?" Haruko smirked.  
  
"I do not recognize my child's right to propose marriage!" Genma shouted, pale with shock.  
  
"Wait!" Ryoga backed away from Ed, "Why would Ranma propose marriage to someone he THOUGHT was a guy!?"  
  
"It is a tragic story!" Haruko began to appear mock faint, with her eyes closed and the back of one hand against her forehead, "How, when we were children, when I approached him in dress revealing my true gender, he accepted my stong suggestion to propose marriage!"  
  
"Ranma thought at the time that seeing a member of the opposite sex bare meant that he had to marry them," Genma explained to Soun, "And Mr. Kuonji was desparate to arrange a marriage for his tomboy daughter."  
  
Soun looked at the grease covered, now ear picking girl that spontaneously burped aloud and he let go of Genma, "I understand now, Genma."  
  
"I refused to let my demon-like son enter into a marriage arrangement with a total stranger," Genma explained, a halo forming over his head.  
  
"Ya took the dowry, though," Haruko casually examined her gloved hand.  
  
"I was hungry," Genma said pathetically, his halo instantly vanishing.  
  
"Ed is confuuused," Ed blinked.  
  
"Genma, I believe we have a problem here," Soun nudged Genma.  
  
"Er, yes. Right," Genma had to get rid of this girl quickly. Ranma was already acting so strangely, "Well... Ranma is already officially engaged."  
  
"Oh?" Haruko looked at Genma with interest.  
  
"To..." Genma's mind worked quickly, "Akane Tendo!"  
  
"So, this Akane Tendo lives in this house?" Haruko asked.  
  
"Correct, so as is apparent, you must lea-" Soun tried to say.  
  
"Then its only fair that I stay here to represent my claim!" Haruko picked up a yellow duffel bag from behind the trio.  
  
"Yay!" Ed danced as she entered the home, "Now Edward has someone new to play with!"  
  
"Edward?" Soun asked Genma, who shrugged in response.  
  
Haruko walked in with the duffel bag over one shoulder, pulling a very unwilling Ryoga in, "And I am an excellent cook, especially with Okonomiyaki." Haruko gestured to the large spatula on her back.  
  
Soun and Genma were not gluttonous men. Well, maybe Genma was a glutton, but Soun was a very pragmatic man at heart. He realized the value of free food. Even if it was from a suspicious tomboy.  
  
Nabiki watched this exchange with a bit of her standard interest in information and partially out of fear over these new people. This was Ryoga the Stampede, the boy that she had seen exit her room a few days ago. She approached the new girl, "Who are you, really?"  
  
"I'm nothing but a figment of your imagination,"  
  
Haruko smiled, "Or maybe I'm just an extra hand around the house that doesn't extort people for money."  
  
Nabiki shivered at the piercing, yet somehow mirthful look in the girl's eyes. It was so much like the normal Ranma's and yet... it was so different, "Seriously, I can make an honest answer worth your while." Nabiki was serious when she actually offered money.  
  
"Identity is not something you can buy or sell,"  
  
Haruko said sagely, "Its something you either have, make, or steal." She grinned like the cheshire cat on the last word. Then she made her way upstairs, following Ranma-chan (Ed) with a frightened Ryoga in tow.  
  
This was too strange for Nabiki. She just didn't feel up to it. It was something she decided to sleep on.  
  
Part 4: And a New Day Begins...  
  
Ranma-chan awoke that morning feeling unusually rested. Last night she had had a strange dream. Most of it was faded, but she remembered being in a room with all of the sailors and a man in a dark brown gi with glasses vividly. Wait, did she go to sleep in this form?  
  
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Someone will suffer if I am wet!  
  
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"Oh, Rankun, please let me sleep!" a female voice muttered into Ranma-chan's left ear.  
  
Something about that statement, coupled with not really remembering the previous night and the idea of being undetectably wet made Ranma blush. It then became obvious that both of them were clothed. Now she just felt stupid.  
  
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It would be better than waking up soaking wet, at least. For the perp, I mean.  
  
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It was then that warm water cascaded onto her.  
  
"So!" a different voice sounded from above,  
  
"You IS man!"  
  
"Shampoo," Ranma rose and prepared to kill.  
  
"Shampoo so happy!" Shampoo hopped, "now Shampoo no need kill Ranma!"  
  
"Oh?" Ranma chuckled in a fashion so as to say that that was the least of her problems.  
  
"If yer gonna talk to the China-girl there, please go somewhere else so I can sleep, " Haruko directed with both eyes closed.  
  
"Shampoo marry Ranma, save honor, save tribe,"  
  
Shampoo giggled, glomping onto Ranma.  
  
"What!?" Haruko stood immediately, one hand on Shampoo's shoulder, "You ain't gonna marry him, missy!"  
  
"Shampoo is to be leader of Amazon tribe one day!"  
  
Shampoo let go of Ranma and gave Haruko a dark look, "Shampoo do what Shampoo want. Red girl can just go back sleeping!"  
  
"Lissen here, Princess Amazon!" Haruko started with a threatening tone.  
  
"Shampoo not take this!" Shampoo brought forth two bonbori.  
  
"Bweeee!" P-Chan cried pathetically from inside the cage he had been placed in last night.  
  
"Look, you two can sort this without me," Ranma waved them off as he exited the guest room, "Just lock the door when yer done!"  
  
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How rude! Maybe I should plant Shampoo's head in one of those spheres she likes so much.  
  
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Ranma left for school earlier than planned. He had been planning on a sunday meeting, so his office would be empty today except for Hiroshi and (possibly) Daisuke or maybe some of their subordinants. That Shin guy seemed like a decent organizer. Maybe he'd be filing something? Well, it would be worthless to call a meeting on such short notice. He just have to kill time fighting someone... oh wait, Kuno was a sailor now.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------  
  
It'll be a difficult pine box to fill.  
  
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Ranma shrugged and stood in the place where that old woman dumped water. When splashed, she continued on her way. Kuno probably wouldn't attack his Kama-chan.  
  
Genma woke up later than expected. He had planned on attacking Ranma when he was separate from the girl. He remembered sensing great potential from Kuonji long ago. If he did not sense where this potential was now, it must mean that she had realized it. That would be a nuisance, considering that Ryoga would probably pitch in to help her if she decided to help Ranma. No one of the three could beat him.  
  
If he really tried, he could beat all three at once, but he was afraid of what might happen if he let his power loose. Ah well, it was far too hot today to worry about this kind of thing. He got off Soun's couch and made his way to the kitchen. Kasumi and Ukyo were cooking up a storm.  
  
"Where did you learn that technique?" Kasumi smiled in appreciation of Haruko's grace with a spatula.  
  
"Oh, I got that from a pancake house in Canada,"  
  
Haruko laughed as she flipped and swished some kind of food over the stove.  
  
"Canada?" Kasumi was unleashing some tricks of her own.  
  
"Yeah, I been ta Canada, China, India, America, Spain, Italy, Russia, you name it, I have a trick er two from the place," Haruko variated her technique a little with every name.  
  
"Impressive," Kasumi complimented, "but can you do this?" Kasumi's hands were a blur as she cut, spliced, simmered, mixed and beat at high speed.  
  
"Gladly," Haruko smirked as she too began using different cooking instruments at high speed.  
  
It was Martial Arts Cooking in action. Genma's mouth watered just thinking about the combined skill of the two. Then he considered the possibility of it being inedible. This was disturbing enough that he decided to check on Akane.  
  
He made his way to her room. When he knocked, there was no answer. The door was unlocked. Entering, he found the bed had been made and not slept in. How strange.  
  
Shampoo had been delayed by that strange yellow eyed red head, but now she was on the prowl. She just needed to find out where Ranma would be this early on a Saturday. Did they have school on Saturday? Shampoo did not know, as she did not go to school at all. It didn't really matter.  
  
Ranma-chan uppercutted Kuno, shouting "Womanizer" after him, as she had become accustomed to, before entering the building and taking a randomly selected passage to HQ. As expected, Hiroshi was waiting for her in her office.  
  
"Mr. Saotome!" Hiroshi rushed forward, "Principal Kuno has come up with several new acts over night!"  
  
"When are these acts gonna happen, and what are they?"  
  
Ranma-chan asked.  
  
"Well, martial arts skill is now a class and a requirement,"  
  
Hiroshi read, "All students must take two years of martial arts starting with the Sophomore class. All juniors with at least one year are expected to take a second year."  
  
"What else?" Ranma-chan asked.  
  
"All first offenses that break Principal assigned rules are now punishable by... bowlcut?" Hiroshi stated with some confusion.  
  
"Bowlcut?" Ranma-chan asked.  
  
"Some kind of haircut sir," Hiroshi flipped a page, "Also, there are two conflicting rules that are class Zero Tolerance, sir. One states that anyone attacked must defend themselves as well as that they must attack anyone that does not seem prepared. Another states that fighting of any kind is punishable by either bowlcut or... Nerf?"  
  
"What does 'Nerf' mean?" Ranma-chan asked, all question marks.  
  
"No idea, sir, but there is one more rule other than standard bureaucratics," Hiroshi flipped a few pages on his clipboard, "All boys must attack Akane Tendo at least once a day, preferably as a mob."  
  
"That makes no sense, " Ranma-chan shook her head.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------  
  
I like it. Too bad that the Prince is breaking into my territory.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------  
  
"I will investigate further, sir," Hiroshi stated, laying the clipboard on Ranma's desk and pulling on a ski mask.  
  
"Right, " Ranma-chan nodded, "I want a full report by Sunday evening. Tell everyone that the meeting is 10:00 PM. I want to see everyone there on time."  
  
"Yes sir!" Hiroshi nodded before heading out.  
  
Ranma-chan sat at her desk and began reading the report. Only Hiroshi, Daisuke and Shin knew about Ranma-chan and Ranma being the same. It wasn't a fact that she really tried to hide, but, for some reason, no one else had figured it out. Maybe it was out of fear?  
  
-----------------------------------------------------  
  
Heh, I haven't even given them a good reason to fear yet.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------  
  
Breakfast had been well prepared indeed. Genma was pleased. Ukyo had taken the piglet with her as she left for parts unknown, only saying that she'd be back before dinner. Kasumi was busy cleaning. He and Soun were currently playing shogi and discussing their children.  
  
"So you want your son to marry Akane?" Soun asked as he made a move.  
  
"I want to have as few entanglements as possible," Genma replied, considering his options.  
  
"Good job you're doing, "Soun stated sarcastically.  
  
"She was prepared for this, " Genma made a move.  
  
"Hmm..." Soun moved.  
  
"She had this planned out, " Genma frowned, "I have no doubt that things will turn for the worst."  
  
"I see, " Soun watched the board.  
  
"Listen, Tendo, " Genma made a countermove, "I am going to stay to watch Ranma, but I can not protect a house unwilling. I need your support."  
  
"Genma? Asking for help? " Soun chuckled as he moved.  
  
"I have no option now, " Genma mulled over the board, "This is a tough position. "  
  
"That boy is the one I punted a few days ago, " Soun stated, "Ryoga. "  
  
"I see, " Genma moved.  
  
"I win, " Soun made a move.  
  
"Arg, " Genma conceded defeat after scanning the board.  
  
"You are off, so I won't hold it against you, " Soun looked at Genma, "I think your son likes Akane. If he does not, then he may marry Haruko. I suppose our houses need not be joined if it is so unnatural."  
  
Genma nodded.  
  
AN 8/30/03: Well, I didn't hit what I wanted to, but after hitting 20 pages, I guess its time to post. Chapter 12 will probably have at least one fight scene and I'll hit a bunch of things I have been aiming for. If I try to cover an entire school day in this chapter, I will no doubt go over 24 pages. Eh, its late, I'm gonna hit the sack. Its also Labor day weekend, meaning that I'll have another chapter or two written before Tuesday. Barring some strange event. Anyway, I decided to merge Ranma's third alter ego with Edward because of two things: Its easier to write "Ed" than "Haruko Saotome" and its the easiest way to incorporate Cowboy Bebop into the fic. Might as well. Genma is back, but I'm going to use Haruko as an excuse to stop him from tying up Ranma at every turn (he would do that, y'know). Also, I AM going to use FLCL eps 4-5 in some order, not sure which I'll do first. I'll probably freestyle some stuff. ep 6 probably will not ever be integrated completely. Expect more Konatsu, Kiyone, and maybe Mihoshi in the future. That's all I have to say now. Its 2:21 AM. Good night.  
  
Next: Rest of the day for the whole crew! Wackiness abounds. or something. 


	10. Chapter 12: No Disc

Disclaimer: I KNOW that you didn't just check my battlecruiser with your mountain stronghold! As for why my disclaimers often make no sense.... It was Ranma's fault.  
  
The Inner Demon Chapter 12: No Disc OR Verbing Weirds Language  
  
Principal Kuno laughed to himself in his office. This would be a fun semester. Not as fun as the look on the occupants of the school when he uttered the words, "I tink I be needin ta make new rules," but fun nevertheless. Today he would enjoy watching the reactions of the students as the first full Hinako day wore on via his secret cameras. When the school's computer administrator asked whether it was legal to tape everything in every room coughbathroomcough, he had responded, "Legal shmeagal! Da big Kahuna in't fraid o' no law!" Yes, today would be fun.  
  
"Principal!" Kouchou quickly scooped the action figures he had been playing with into their special drawer as Hinako #1 entered, "Ranma Saotome has entered the campus!"  
  
"Excellent."  
  
Part 1: What About Kouchou?  
  
Ranma-chan sat in her seat, curious as to what Ms. Hinako had planned for today. Her class had been spared from the Hinako curse yesterday because, by complete coincidence, the Hinako that had fainted at the assembly was the one that had been assigned this classroom. She had a pretty good idea what she was like from the way the other twelve target classes had behaved.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------  
  
Can't let other people do my job, can I?  
  
-----------------------------------------------------  
  
"Good morning, class!" a cheerful Ms. Hinako sang out as she entered the room. No one knew quite how to respond to the happy dread teacher of despair.  
  
Ranma-chan noticed something very strange about this woman that everyone else must have missed due to fright. She had red hair. It was in a tight bun. Her eyes couldn't be seen through the thick glasses she wore. She was eerily familiar. But...  
  
"I am your substitute, " the woman, obviously not Ms. Hinako, announced, "I am afraid that your teacher could not be here today because of some... entangling engagements. "  
  
Hinako #4 struggled with the power cords tied around her. She couldn't see anything in the cold, dark space where she found herself. Ms. Hinako, the dreaded, was locked in the AV supply closet.  
  
"I wonder if I went a little overboard with the duct tape? " the sub thought as she wrote her name on the board, "I am Miss O'Leary. I am from Ireland. Please don't be too rough on me, my Japanese is not so good. "  
  
Several students blinked at this statement. They would never have guessed that Miss O'Leary was from outside Japan. There was no clue, except for the hair.  
  
"My father is from here, " She explained, "I moved here with my parents seven years ago when my father was transferred back to Japan. This is my second year teaching. "  
  
"Could she possibly have chosen a worse school to teach at than Furinkan? " was what the students thought collectively.  
  
"Hinako #4 has not been seen since she departed the teacher's lounge for her assigned class, " the Vice Principal informed Principal Kuno.  
  
"Dat Saotome musta done sometin to da defenseless... " Kouchou began.  
  
"Dread Teacher of the Abyss? " the Vice Principal coughed.  
  
"..."  
  
"Sorry sir. "  
  
"I tink dat de big kahuna be needin ta be steppin in, " Kuno left his office with several patented coconut and pineapple grenades, "It gonna be a fun day! "  
  
"Saotome, I just had a thought, " Soun looked up with sudden realization from the game board.  
  
"Yes, Tendo? " Genma asked irritably, having hit his first losing streak in a while.  
  
"Do you know who the principal of my daughters' school is? "  
  
"I'll get the baseball bat, " Genma stood.  
  
"No, you misunderstand, " Soun began, "Kouchou Kuno is the principal. "  
  
"Ah, " Genma sat down, unconcerned, "Kuno, is it? "  
  
"Indeed it is, " Soun seemed disturbed by this.  
  
"What about it, Tendo?"  
  
"Do you think he forgave you for the... 'incident'? " Tendo asked.  
  
"It really doesn't matter, Ranma can take care of himself, " Genma made another bad move.  
  
They were only about a half hour into the school day when Principal Kuno burst into Ranma's class, "Dis class be gettin de Hawaiian Challenge! " Some of the students were actually happy to see the crazed principal, as a relief from their current task of balancing eggs on their noses.  
  
"Hawaiian Challenge? " Miss O'Leary raised an eyebrow in disbelief.  
  
"Yes, " Kouchou produced two of his tear gas coconuts from a bag at his feet. "You keikis be catchin dem before dey be hittin de ground and go boom! " he laughed.  
  
Miss O'Leary blinked. Then she walked up to the laughing man and cold cocked him. Eggs splattered on the classroom floor.  
  
Ten minutes later, in the nurse's office, Miss O'Leary explained her actions, "I thought you were an intruder, Mr. Principal, I am ever so sorry! "  
  
"Who be you is? " Kouchou asked, still a bit dazed.  
  
"I'm a sub, I was called in to replace Ms. Hinako for the day, " Miss O'Leary replied.  
  
"Oh, dat be good, " Kouchou blinked once, groggily.  
  
Somewhere else, not so far away, Dr. Ono Tofu typed rapidly in an instant message conversation.  
  
"It was not my fault that the sailors failed, " he typed, "They haven't been united, but I am working on it. "  
  
"The sailors are causing quite a stir, " came the reply.  
  
"Surely you remember the Shikon jewel incident of 1942. "  
  
"Your point is taken, Doctor. "  
  
"I'd say that that is what we have to blame. "  
  
"This is not a debate. Our operations might be jeopardized. "  
  
"This is not my fault. "  
  
"We will be the judge of that. "  
  
"Please do not be harsh. "  
  
"You have three days to go stealth. "  
  
Tofu's computer spontaneously shut down. The Legacy was always paranoid about its potential discovery. Tofu's hard drive was likely ruined. Still, it was odd that they would risk losing their Japan connections by using such an unsafe medium.  
  
It was at this point that Tofu realized that he had continued to type on his broken down computer, "I seem to be off center... Kasumi!"  
  
There was no answer.  
  
"Tofu, " Hotsuma hobbled in. He was a mess, still. He was very unshaven and covered in bandages.  
  
"You shouldn't be up, what if a customer wandered in? " Tofu rushed to the battered man's aid. He did not want to be forced to abandon his friend. He helped Hotsuma to a chair.  
  
"Tofu, " the man grimaced painfully, "Genma got out. They don't care about the 'Kamaitachi', all they want is to make sure Genma stays quiet. Herb... "  
  
"Shh! " Tofu silenced him, "Herb was a mistake. This might be his influence, but they would kill him in a heartbeat if keeping him around became a problem. "  
  
"Tofu... "  
  
"Look, I don't like this any more than you do... " There were so many factors and factions, Tofu had no idea what was going on. There were the demons, the mischief makers, the Galactic Police, the Legacy, Herb, the Legendary Martial Artists...  
  
"I'm sitting on your acupuncture needles. "  
  
"Oh. "  
  
Miss O'Leary was now forcing the class to recite the entirety of Macbeth backwards. In sync. It was debatable whether the work or the punishment for not doing the work was worse. Yusuke was hanging from the ceiling, crying, so no one else really wanted to question the activity.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------  
  
This is fun!  
  
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Oddly, Ranma-chan enjoyed this. Reading the death scenes backwards particularly excited her. Everyone did their level best to keep in sync with her, because of the looks she gave the class when they were forced to restart.  
  
It was when they were moments from hitting the beginning of the play, and thus the end of this torture, that Principal Kuno popped into the class and threw candy at everyone.  
  
Only a few students were naive enough, or unfamiliar with Kouchou enough, to actually eat the candy.  
  
"Ah ah ah! Principal rule number 186.54: Eatin of candy given out by de principal is punishable by de bowlcut! "  
  
"That's not in the rulebook! " one girl shouted after spitting candy out.  
  
"Please refer to Rule 186.55: Questionin de Principal is punishable by bowlcut, and Rule 186.53: The Principal can make up any rule on de spot, " Principal Kuno laughed happily as he drew out twin shavers.  
  
A very angry Ranma-chan rose from her seat, her eyes glowing blue with anger. An anime style cross vein would be visible on her forhead if this were an anime.  
  
"You be gettin you punishment anudder time, keikis! " Kouchou ran out of the class room.  
  
Ranma-chan sat down peacefully in her chair and flipped back to the end of Macbeth.  
  
Everyone's eyes were on her.  
  
"What?"  
  
Konatsu sat between Kiyone and Mihoshi at a bar.  
  
I don't need to make a joke about this, do I?  
  
"Gee, Kiyone, I don't know how we're going to find Mr. Ryoga, " Mihoshi sipped her milk.  
  
"Mihoshi, for the third time... " Kiyone looked over at Mihoshi, "..."  
  
"Kiyone? " Mihoshi blinked innocently.  
  
"Never mind. " Kiyone ordered another drink.  
  
"Ahem, well, I see that the two of you are impatient about your mission, " Konatsu's left eye twitched, "The two of you are to search Nerima and beyond into any other section of Tokyo until you find Ryoga the Stampede and then ... "  
  
Kiyone had started softly crying.  
  
"Then the two of you are to stay with him to prevent further catastophe, " Konatsu resisted the urge to laugh unrestrained at the thought of being rid of Mihoshi.  
  
Mihoshi skipped girlishly out of the bar, giggling,  
  
"Are you coming, Kiyone? "  
  
Kiyone raised her head off of the bar, dryed her face, slugged Konatsu, and stomped away.  
  
"It was worth it, " Konatsu straightened his suit and rubbed the sore spot on his face.  
  
For reasons only known to Miss O'Leary, the class's desks had been tossed out of the room and everyone was doing aerobics. Yusuke had quieted down some under threats of Pinata hour.  
  
"How could one teacher be this evil? " Sayuri muttered to Yuka.  
  
"I think I know why she's only a sub, " Yuka panted.  
  
Ranma-chan, though, was thoroughly enjoying herself.  
  
A few students had been making comments on her zeal.  
  
They were hanging upside down from the ceiling now, after failing to keep up due to strange, spontaneously occurring bruises.  
  
Suddenly, an announcement crackled over the intercom, "All classes with students whose names are Saotome or Ranma must report to the track field for an emergency mango slicing! "  
  
Miss O'Leary gestured for them to ignore it.  
  
Kuno had been hit with the Five Yen Satsu six times so far. He was ready to jump out of a window. Even being trapped in that illusion would be preferable to this undeserved punishment.  
  
"What are you writing!? " Ms. Hinako screeched at him with a slap.  
  
"Questions 1-78! " Kuno shook from the sudden surprise. His heart rate had leapt to about 200 beats per minute for a second there. He felt like he was about to die.  
  
"Good work! " Ms. Hinako knuckle punched him in the back before using a Five Yen Satsu on someone that had been edging toward the door, "I didn't say you could leave! "  
  
Kuno was breathing heavily. Why must life hurt so? The only thing that kept him going was the thought that if he could make it through the day, there would be a chance that he could speak with Kama-chan or Akane. The two goddesses!  
  
The sound of another Five Yen Satsu in action startled him into continuing his work.  
  
"Attention students! " Kouchou's voice came over the intercom, "Da big Kahuna be waitin outside wit a table o mangos fo an hour, when he realize dat no one gonna be showin up. Dis is not amusin! You bad keikis are gonna be-"  
  
Miss O'Leary shut the intercom off.  
  
Another hour later, Kouchou showed up at the classroom, which had been totally repaired, with all students quietly reading at their desks. Yes, even Ranma-chan, "You bad Kei-"  
  
"Shhh!" the entire class turned to him.  
  
"The class was perfectly calm and focused until you came along, " Miss O'Leary pushed him out of the class and closed the door.  
  
"But... da big kahuna is bored... " Kouchou wandered off dejectedly.  
  
Part 2: Ryoga, Mihoshi, and Kiyone.  
  
Mihoshi and Kiyone found Ryoga and Kashin loitering outside of Furinkan, eating lunch.  
  
"Is this Mr. Ryoga? " Mihoshi pointed at the boy with the red bandanna, who looked up with a bored expression.  
  
"The infamous Ryoga the Stampede, " Kiyone's eyes focused on the boy that was eating okonomiyaki.  
  
Fortunately, it was not spiced the way Haruko wanted it to be. It still reflected the girl's skill, though. Haruko was easily the best okonomiyaki chef Ryoga knew. Granted that he didn't know many, but the fact remained that he greatly appreciated her cooking.  
  
"We're from the Inter...national Insurance Agency, " Kiyone flashed a badge, "We are here to prevent any further damage from your actions. "  
  
"But, Kiyone, I thought we were here to spy o- " Mihoshi was silenced by Kiyone's hand.  
  
"I am Special Agent Smith and this is Special Agent Wesson, " Kiyone continued.  
  
"Didn't she just call you 'Kiyone'?" Ryoga deadpanned.  
  
"Uhh... heh, " Kiyone began to sweat, "Kiyone is my nickname. "  
  
"Right, " Ryoga continued to munch on okonomiyaki.  
  
"Kiyone, I don't think he's buying it, " Mihoshi informed.  
  
Kiyone resisted the urge to bind and gag Mihoshi for the duration of her stay on Earth.  
  
"Yeah, " Ryoga, "And what's with the ears? "  
  
Kiyone realized suddenly that human ears were more rounded than her's and Mihoshi's, "Heh... "  
  
"If you girls don't mind, " Ryoga grimaced slightly,  
  
"I'd like to eat in piece. "  
  
For some reason, bad things always happen at the very worst moment. Case in point: A large clown/ ninja/ cyborg death bot launched out of Ryoga's head and pranced into an alley.  
  
"For the love of all that is holy... " Ryoga's head veins bulged as he stood, "Kashin! It's showtime! "  
  
Kashin sat, unresponsive. A question mark appeared on his screen.  
  
"Ah, " Ryoga sighed in exasperation, "You just wait here then, until you feel like fighting the clown bot. " He then ran after the robot.  
  
Kiyone blinked, then ran after Ryoga. Mihoshi stayed to polish off the oko- .... Watch after Kashin.  
  
Ryoga finally chased the hideous hybrid creature into a deadend. It turned around, gave a hideous, wide mouthed, metallic grin.  
  
"What are you so happy about!? " Ryoga took a fighting stance.  
  
The clown responded by making a hand gesture and splitting into four selves. The four clowns then charged Ryoga, who punched at one of them, only to get cracked over the head from behind by a stale loaf of french bread held by the ninja clown.  
  
"What are you!? " Ryoga stumbled back.  
  
"... believe in magic, like I know you do, " It spoke in a grating chuckle, " Or I'll kill you! " It ran forth, spewing party favors of all kinds at Ryoga.  
  
Ryoga was buried underneath a pile of noisemakers, pinatas, and cheap plastic junk in a matter of moments.  
  
"Gee hee hee! " it hopped up and down excitedly, before getting a chunk of its shoulder taken off by a flying plasma bolt.  
  
"Step away peacefully, or I won't miss next time, "  
  
Kiyone commanded grimly.  
  
"Aww, does daw widdle sowder wanna pway? " it giggled mechanically as a buzz saw extended from one arm, "Dat's too bad, daw games aw over! "  
  
It rushed at her and feinted to the side at the last moment before slicing forward.  
  
There was a flash of light.  
  
The clown's buzzsaw was broken.  
  
The abomination turned its head around in time to see Ryoga's fist. It flew backwards, through a wall.  
  
Everything settled.  
  
Then the thing burst forward, circling Ryoga at such a great speed that only after images could be seen and only that irritating giggling could be heard.  
  
Ryoga closed his eyes and waited.  
  
The creature burst from the ground under the spot Ryoga would have occupied only a moment ago.  
  
"Futai no Wami!!" He punched the thing dead in the face with his specialty attack. The thing's entire face caved in and it fell into the hole it had created.  
  
Ryoga wiped his eyes and tossed a red bandanna into the pit.  
  
"You... " Kiyone could hardly breathe, "Are really him. "  
  
Ryoga laughed suddenly, "C'mon now, let's leave this place. "  
  
"Hee hee hee hee hee hee! " a crazed giggling sounded behind them.  
  
The hair on the back of Ryoga's neck raised.  
  
The Clown bot shot out of the pit, "Make-up shed! " It suddenly transformed into a robotic werewolf-ish creature, with twin Ninja-tos, one in each hand.  
  
"Son of a... " Ryoga turned around with wide eyes before the creature charged him and uppercutted him into the sky, soon following after to kick him into a city park's pond. It landed on a rock in the center of the pond.  
  
"Come out, little one, it's your time to be butchered! " The twin swords glowed bright yellow, then turned completely black.  
  
"Not on our watch! " Sailor Kasumi shouted as she flew into the thing from behind with a shield butt.  
  
The monster flew into a park bench just outside of the pond, then, with the sound of grinding metal, rose and growled in outrage.  
  
Sailor Kasumi was now standing on the rock. Sailor Kodachi stood at the opposite edge. Kodachi seemed to be unarmed, but Kasumi brandished her shield with clear intent.  
  
"Where is your brother? " Kasumi asked Kodachi, not taking her eyes away from the monster.  
  
"He has probably lost himself somewhere, " Kodachi produced a black whip out of nowhere.  
  
"M-Ms. Hinako! " Kuno rose his hand nervously in the middle of class as his pen made loud beeping sounds, "I need to.. uh.. "  
  
"Sit down and shut up, Mr. Kuno, " Ms. Hinako snapped, "And shut off that cell phone! "  
  
"But... " Kuno began before spontaneously transforming into sailor garb.  
  
The whole class erupted into laughter as the (quite male) Kuno was instantly found wearing the uniform he had sported earlier in the week.  
  
"I will not be mocked so! " Kuno stood, one eye twitching, as his magic sword found its way into his hand.  
  
"Five Yen Satsu! " Ms. Hinako shouted.  
  
"We can't depend on him showing up, " Kodachi shook her head.  
  
"I'll make mincemeat of you! " The beast ninja clown robot shouted with its grating, metallic voice as it leapt at Kasumi, only to be sliced across the back by an almost flying Sailor Kodachi.  
  
The metal skin of the thing's back sliced open and it dropped like a rock into the pond.  
  
The lunch bell had just rung. Ranma-chan met up with Hiroshi and Shin to discuss business over lunch, Sayuri and Yuka met up with Nabiki to find out about Akane's whereabouts, and Sailor Kuno-kun ran to the bathroom to find some cold water to make his current appearance less embarrassing before heading off to the disturbance.  
  
Mrs. O'Leary was strangely absent from the campus.  
  
The monster jumped vertically out of the pond. The water that followed him out blocked their view. When the splash dissapated, the creature was not there.  
  
"Come out and die, demonoid scum! " Kodachi shouted.  
  
"Ok"  
  
Kodachi was lifted off of her feet in a strangle hold. The monster was holding her up with one hand and charging energy in the other.  
  
"Bweeeeeee!"  
  
A small black piglet clung to the metal nightmare's face. The creature brought its free hand to its face, forgetting about the energy it had been charging.  
  
BLAM!  
  
It dropped Kodachi and flew into a tree, sideways. The piglet spun away onto the grass, prone.  
  
Kasumi took this oppurtunity to use a special attack, "Happy Flying Painful Shield Bash! " She threw her (now glowing) shield at the beast, who took a direct hit, "Yay! "  
  
The beast emerged from the cloud of dust flying full tilt, roaring angrily and with one sword drawn. It missed Kasumi by a hair.  
  
Kasumi leapt to the ground behind her and Kodachi fired a beam of reddish black energy from a gem in the base of her whip.  
  
This hit the monster in the back. He slowly turn to Kodachi, eyes glowing red. It calmly sheathed its sword, "Peace be with you. " It raised one leg and glided over the ground to the Sailor of Vengeance, grabbing her and shouting, "Shungokusatsu! "  
  
There was a flash of horribly bright light that blinded any who had been watching. Kodachi felt like she'd been hit about fifteen times before she fainted.  
  
When her sight returned, Kasumi saw the Kanji symbol for Heaven appear on the monster's back.  
  
"You are next, " It said over its shoulder.  
  
There was another flash of light.  
  
The monster's head parted neatly from the afore mentioned shoulder. Sailor Haruko smirked, with her spatula shouldered, right behind the slumped beast.  
  
"You haven't won yet! " The thing growled as its body and head reunited and grew into a huge version of itself ala Ultraman or Power Rangers.  
  
"This is crazy! " Haruko leapt way up into the air, cackling like mad, hitting the monster all over as she spiraled around it in her vertical ascent. Kasumi followed her, attacking with special energy blades that formed on the rim of her shield.  
  
"Bah, " The monster swatted Haruko to the ground and smashed Kasumi against its own tough hide.  
  
Kasumi fell, KO'd, leaving Haruko uncertain of the path to victory, "Y'know, its not until you need a box of grenades that you realize you've used 'em all up. "  
  
"Bwe..eee.."  
  
Haruko looked down at the source of this sound and noticed that there was a piglet under her foot. She smirked.  
  
Everyone in the school heard the roars now. Ranma-chan was on the roof, watching the battle. A huge werewolven robot ninja wearing a cheery red wig was fighting two magical sailors. And now there was a huge red robot joining in. Ranma-chan couldn't help but laugh, barely noticing the announcement for the school to evacuate.  
  
Kashin's screen head showed the symbols for "Ryu Kan Sen Tsumuji," then dashed forward at an insane speed, leaping over the monster, and flipping to land behind it, back facing to back, and, at some point, slashing it from behind with his energy saber.  
  
The monster stumbled forward, then turned around and belched a green cloud of smog. A bright red beam of light fired from Kashin's set face, annihilating the creatures upper torso.  
  
"Victory! " Haruko shouted from the ground with a smile.  
  
Then the monster's legs began doing a jig.  
  
"What? " Haruko raised an eyebrow.  
  
The legs stopped and leapt into the air, landing on Kashin and stomping him to the ground. They continued to stomp repeatedly, until Kashin managed to groin punch the thing. The pair of legs stumbled backwards into the pond. One of the legs sank deep enough to get stuck. Then Kashin stood and punched the thing with it's refined Futai no Wami. (I know how it's spelled now, but I'm going to keep spelling it this way for now. )  
  
The creature glowed red, then faded away, leaving many large yellow birds behind, which flew away with "wark" sounds.  
  
AN 10/12/03: And so it was finished. Optimistically, I will write some more today or tomorrow. Unfortunately, I have been playing Final Fantasy Tactics (both), so who knows? There are many things in store though. Four or five surprises are in the works, and I plan to get around to at least one in the next chapter. It's a funny one. Now for the "relevent" protions of 12a's notes:  
  
"Anyway, you should notice that Akane is only mentioned once. Is she the new leader of the Sailors? No. I already said no. As for "Miss O'Leary"... eh. I'm really not trying to trick you. It is exactly who it seems like. Just thought it would be ironic to have her actually do a GOOD job at keeping a class together. Poor Hinako #4. For those of you that remember that Poltergeist TV show from a few years back... yes that is the Legacy. As for the Shikon jewel? Eh. I just needed something to refer to, so I stole the Shikon jewel and blamed WWII on it. Or... was it Roswell? I'm too lazy to check dates. As for why Hello Kitty wants the Shikon jewel... I don't know."  
  
Should I put quotes on myself? Eh.  
  
Next Time-  
  
Shampoo: Shampoo marry Airen!  
  
*scene at a wedding chapel*  
  
Ranma: Hail naw!  
  
*scene of Ranma running down a street*  
  
Akane: What's going on here!?  
  
Ranma: Just thought we'd do the preview, Cowboy Bebop style.  
  
Akane: It's already written?  
  
Shampoo: Shampoo think it fun idea to guess!  
  
*scene of Shampoo hiding a corpse in Akane's closet*  
  
Akane: That's stupid!  
  
*scene of Akane cooking a cat*  
  
Ranma: Next time, Meet Great Grandmother!  
  
Akane: I hope I'm in it this time. 


	11. Chapter 13: The Belated Halloween One

Disclaimer:I own none of the characters in this fic, nor am I in any way trying to claim so or make any sort of profit... which is sort of a thing you might expect from a huge archive of fanfiction. I mean, no one writes fanfiction for money. That would be either/both sad or/and strange. No doubt that this is somehow Ranma's fault.  
  
The Inner Demon Chapter 13: The Belated Halloween One  
  
No one respected Hikaru Gosunkugi. They all laughed at him. They mocked him and traded gossip. Maybe it was the voodoo dolls, or the lit candles attached to his head... Nevertheless, he WOULD have justice. Hikaru Gosunkugi had taken his last splash for Nabiki Tendo.  
  
Part 1: Amazons are in the House!  
  
Ranma Saotome dried off in his office, having returned there to change back from Ranma-chan, "Hiroshi, has anyone seen to Daisuke, yet?"  
  
"No sir, " Ranma's nigh everpresent right hand man replied.  
  
"I suppose I should see to that, " Ranma sighed.  
  
"Pardon me, sir, but you have made an appointment with one Hikaru Gosunkugi, " Hiroshi glanced at the clipboard he had had with him ever since joining the Kamaitachi's syndicate. It was odd how working in a semi-legitimate "extracurricular" organization had reformed him. He was almost as well organized as his crazy great-great uncle Hoshi.  
  
"Yeah, that's the fill in for Daisuke, huh? " Ranma tapped his chin, "Maybe I oughtta cancel..."  
  
"He hates Nabiki Tendo with a passion, " Hiroshi flipped a page, "apparently some sort of blackmail involving Akane... "  
  
Ranma was no longer in the office by this time. He was well on his way to meeting Gosunkugi. Then he realized that he didn't know where Gosunkugi was or when they were supposed to meet. He promptly turned around and dashed back to his office (via a "broken" bathroom stall).  
  
"New restaurant, Cat Cafe, immediately, " Hiroshi said, deadpan, when Ranma showed up.  
  
Ranma nodded graciously and headed out again.  
  
Shampoo had wanted to find Ranma and drag him all the way back to China, but it was about time to meet her great grandmother.  
  
Great Grandmother was a formidable fighter. Shampoo had no doubt that Ranma would no longer pose a threat to the amazon kingdom. Although...  
  
Genma had managed to leave the Tendo house to find his son. After seeing the carnage that had ensued in the Kashin-Werewolven Clown Robot battle, he redoubled his efforts. Unfortunately, he passed by a new restaurant, "Damn... distractions..."  
  
Haruko, P-chan, Kashin, Kasumi, and Kodachi stumbled across a new restaurant after bandaging themselves up and getting their second winds. Any sane person would have realized it was time to disband this group of ticking time bombs, but...  
  
Kiyone and Mihoshi were waiting in a Nerima restaurant called "The Cat Cafe" with Konatsu, trying to ascertain the current whereabouts of Ryoga the Stampede. They'd lost him when he ran off to fight the monster that had jumped out of his skull. Well, actually, Mihoshi was just drinking heavily and laughing at her hands. This only sounds more pathetic when you realize that she's drinking condiments.  
  
Ranma ran into a skinny, gothish boy with short, dark hair outside of the Cat Cafe, "Sorry," Ranma quickly apologized as he helped the kid up and helped himself to the kid's wallet. Which Ranma would later discover only had locks of human hair in it.  
  
The boy brushed himself off, "A-are you Ranma Saotome? "  
  
"Hikaru Gosunkugi? " Ranma smirked.  
  
"Yes.." the boy looked at his feet.  
  
"Well, welcome aboard, Mr. Gosunkugi! "  
  
"Mr..."  
  
"You are now officially the temporary standin for Daisuke, my left hand man. "  
  
"Just like that?"  
  
"I'm a good judge of people, Mr. Gosunkugi."  
  
----------------------------------------------------  
  
I have found one of the twelve!  
  
----------------------------------------------------  
  
Ranma reached into one of his pockets and pulled out a shiny stone. It seemed innocuous enough... "This is a special gift from me to you."  
  
"W-what is it?"  
  
"A special magic charm."  
  
"Magic?" Gosunkugi's eyes lit up.  
  
"Yeah, so keep it with you, always."  
  
"Yessir!" Hikaru Gosunkugi was very happy now, as he held the magic stone.  
  
"Now, let's get some grub!" Ranma entered the restaurant with Gosunkugi in tow.  
  
Once inside, he noticed that all of the people present were very familiar to him. Ah yes. All too familiar.  
  
"Ranma Saotome!" A shriveled up, ghoulish creature bounced up to him from the kitchen.  
  
"What are you?" Ranma took a cautionary step backwards.  
  
"I am Shampoo's great grandmother! " the little creature screeched.  
  
"Master!?" Genma stood at his table, wide eyed. Noodles fell from his mouth as he spoke.  
  
"Happosai!?" Ranma hopped, shocked.  
  
"Dearies! I am Shampoo's great grandmother, Cologne!" the little whiskered ghoul cackled.  
  
Genma rushed up to the creature, "Why have you sunk to impersonating an amazon elder for panties!?"  
  
"What!? How dare... " the midget waved its pipe threateningly.  
  
"Uh... would Master Happosai wear... uh.. ahem!" Ranma started feeling nauseous.  
  
"Ranma, " Genma focused on his son, "Did you knock the Master into a spring when you fought him in China? "  
  
"No, pops... " Ranma looked a little green.  
  
"Ranma! You meet great grandmother!?" Shampoo burst in from behind.  
  
"Sorta," Ranma blinked at the smiling midget before him.  
  
"Great Grandmother very strong, " Shampoo stated proudly, "She can beat anyone! Even Ranma! "  
  
"Heh heh, gotta go! " Ranma stuttered nervously before running past Shampoo in a panic.  
  
"He scared of great grandmother's fighting power!" Shampoo thought, pleased.  
  
Genma mindlessly sat at the table he'd previously occupied.  
  
"What was that about, Kiyone? " Mihoshi asked the blue haired woman.  
  
"Better we didn't know, " Kiyone frowned slightly as Mihoshi started to choke on a packet of soy sauce.  
  
Part 2: The Black Cloaked Man  
  
Ranma ran a good five blocks before noticing that he had been dragging Gosunkugi by the shoulder. This occured to him when he landed on something soft after leaping from a roof into an alley.  
  
"Finally, the Kamaitachi! " a voice cried out in the darkness of the alley.  
  
"Gods! Not ANOTHER sailor! " Ranma's head darted around.  
  
"No, my friend, " a black cloaked figure emerged, "Much worse."  
  
"Hah!" Ranma cracked his knuckles.  
  
"Kill him, then I will let you go free, " the figure spoke as a pumpkin headed demon emerged from behind the mysterious person.  
  
The thing had an evil face carved into it's pumpkin and had a tough, leathery hide that covered its thin, frail-looking body until it reached its hands, which resembled metallic claws, "I am Sam Hain. I shall bath in your blood. " It was easily nine feet tall.  
  
"Whatever, " Ranma took a stance with a smirk.  
  
The figure stepped back into the shadows, with an eerie laugh.  
  
Then the monster rushed at Ranma, attacking him from both sides at once with its deformed arms.  
  
Ranma deftly dodged these attacks and tied the arms together, using them as a platform to use an aerial double punch on the thing, which caused it to fly into the air.  
  
Too bad that it could fly.  
  
A rain of red projectiles sliced up everything in the alley, except for Ranma, who landed a descending elbow into the creature's back.  
  
Sam Hain smashed into the ground head first. Ranma landed on top of his battered form, delivering savage kick after savage kick, but Hain managed to wrap an elastic arm around Ranma's neck and force him to the ground. The beast howled in triumph as Ranma passed out.  
  
The last thing Ranma saw was a green beam of light and a splattering pumpkin.  
  
Part 3: Why Do They Always Pick On Ryoga?  
  
Ryoga exited the Cat Cafe in haste shortly after paying for his meal. Actually, he was paying for himself, Haruko, and Kashin. Not that he wanted to, but Haruko somehow connived him into paying for all of them. Even stranger was the fact that Kashin had insisted on eating, despite not having any mode of digestion.  
  
But, I digress. Kiyone and Mihoshi were right on his heels from the moment he stood to leave. They asked a barrage of questions, ranging from "How do you control your N.O.?" to "Boxers or Briefs?" He simply grimaced and grunted, as Haruko chuckled.  
  
"Kashin, get me outta here, " Ryoga ordered the robot, who lifted the Eternally Lost Boy and flew in a random direction.  
  
"Kiiiiiiiyoneeeeeee! " Mihoshi whined, "How will we catch up to Mr. Ryoga? "  
  
Kiyone sighed, "I don't know, Mihoshi. "  
  
"Use this! " Haruko handed Kiyone a tracking device, "I slipped a tracker inta his food."  
  
"Why?" Kiyone blinked as she recieved the device.  
  
"'Why?' What kinda question is that to ask someone that just helped ya?" Haruko grinned as Kiyone grimaced.  
  
"'Why' is an interrogative statement intended to increase a body of available information for the determination of purpose!" Mihoshi smiled vacantly.  
  
"She's been drinking soy sauce and ketchup for half an hour, " Kiyone deadpanned.  
  
"Oh, " Haruko blinked at the blonde, "G-bye, then. " Haruko mounted her Vespa (which had a strange habit of being where it needed to be) and took off.  
  
"Now we just have to find Mr. Ryoga! " Mihoshi giggled, unaware that she was completely alone.  
  
Ryoga was riding inside Kashin's chest cavity. It was odd how much room was inside that little space. The compartment was open enough to allow Ryoga to watch where they were going. It was then that a flying creature came in from behind him, firing small bolts of energy and screeching. It was like an oversized, decomposing bat with laser cannons attached to its back.  
  
"Why me!?" Ryoga shouted in frustration as he ducked into Kashin and closed the compartment.  
  
Kashin stopped in mid-air and turned red.  
  
The dactyl was strafing Kashin, who deflected the bolts with his hands.  
  
It screeched in frustration and fired a large ball of blackish red energy at the robot, who simply punched it back to the creature, bursting it.  
  
Haruko was speeding down the street on her yellow vespa as a short haired, clean shaven man wearing a business suit and sunglasses caught up to her on a white vespa.  
  
"Who're you!?" She frowned slightly.  
  
"Ukyo? You've already forgotten me? " Konatsu smirked.  
  
"I'm not Ukyo, " She took an evasive turn, but failed to foil her pursuer.  
  
"Oh, so is it Haruha Raharu now? " Konatsu asked as he sped up to meet her.  
  
"Bzzzzzzzzzzt! Wrong!" She drove off of an overpass, into oncoming traffic.  
  
"Haruko Haruhara, then? " the man dodged the flow of swerving vehicles to meet her.  
  
"Rrrrrr..." Haruko looked for an escape.  
  
"I think you might as well call yourself Ryoko Raharu, the intersteller outlaw, " Konatsu smirked.  
  
Haruko suddenly recognized the man, "Good bye!" She swerved into the side of a butane truck.  
  
The resulting explosion threw a very surprised Amaro Konatsu into a very surprised deli.  
  
Ryoga grimaced as he picked the garbage off of himself.  
  
Kashin had been thrown into a garbage barge after the last fight, so the regurgitated Ryoga found himself caked in the smellier, dirtier refuse.  
  
"Let's not do that again, okay pal? " Ryoga looked at the apologetic robot.  
  
A distant explosion rang in Ryoga's ears, "Damn, that must be because of me." He looked at the now-setting sun. "That seems a bit early. I guess there's going to be no sleep tonight. Why me?"  
  
"Can the melodrama, kid, " a voice rang out.  
  
"Who is that!?" Ryoga looked around at the heaps of garbage.  
  
"Never you mind. I am just making you a deal. If you kill Ranma Saotome, I will remove your curses."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Inquisitive. I have my reasons."  
  
Part 4: The Great Necromancer  
  
Ok, Gosunkugi hadn't gotten the hang of his power yet. In fact, he wasn't sure what was happening. He remembered being face down in the mud, just before being stabbed repeatedly by something. Then, a voice spoke to him, "I am Velius, attendant to Lord Mavasheragato, bond with me and we shall rain doom upon your enemies!"  
  
The thought of raining doom upon Nabiki Tendo was too tempting.  
  
He awoke from what he presumed was death and saw a monster choking Ranma. He instinctively reached out and fired a beam of energy, which destroyed the demon.  
  
And that was the only success he was having. After accidentally turning several sewer rats into lawyers and summoning a decomposing pterodactyl and a homocidal suit of robot armor (which possessed the undead dinosaur), he decided it would be best if he just found his way home. Whichever direction that was.  
  
He didn't get far before being accosted by three Sailors. Sailor Kodachi, Sailor Kasumi, and Sailor Kuno questioned him about dragging the prone form of the Kamaitachi and about the rat-man lawyers that had scampered out of the alley from which he had emerged.  
  
He politely told them to go away.  
"For the love of God, don't hurt me!"  
  
They respectfully declined.  
"We will send the beast and its lackie to Hell!"  
  
He insisted that they were mistaken.  
"He did it, not me!"  
  
They begged to differ.  
"Coward! You die first!"  
  
He offered convincing evidence to his claims.  
"I want my mommyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"  
  
They held their position.  
"Die demonoid scum!"  
  
Sailor Kasumi rushed up and gut punched Gosunkugi, who crumpled instantly.  
  
"That was easy, " Kodachi blinked, dismayed.  
  
"Too easy, " Kuno-chan narrowed her eyes, "Verily! It rises once more! "  
  
Gosunkugi rose, alright. He rose about twenty feet into the air. A flash of light and several unearthly roars accompanied the youth's frantically screaming transformation into a hideous monster. It was a cross between a four armed Mr. Universe and a goat, "Am I... Velius!?"  
  
"It speaketh! " Sailor Kuno held her sword aloft, "Let us commence to engage in battle, base minion of evil! "  
  
It was then that a rose zipped into the ground in front of Kuno.  
  
"Stay your sword, Sailor Courage!" A man in a tuxedo, wearing a turban and dark sunglasses spoke deeply.  
  
"Who are you!? " Kodachi took her eyes away from Velius.  
  
"I'm... uh..." the figure looked around and saw a billboard for dentistry, "Chew.... " then struggled for another syllable, cursing himself, "baka!"  
  
"Chewbacca?" Velius blinked as the sailors fell and immediately rose.  
  
"Your name is Chewbacca!?" Kodachi shouted.  
  
"Its a family name, " the man thought quickly, "Surely you don't disrespect the ancestors of a superhero!"  
  
Velius, noticing that he had been forgotten at present, slinked off with Ranma over one shoulder.  
  
"You aren't a super hero. Not with a name like Chewbacca! " Kodachi rebutted.  
  
"You slut!" the man shouted angrily.  
  
"What did you say!?" Kodachi's vision turned crimson.  
  
"Uh... " the man paled under his turban.  
  
"I distinctly heard a reference to promiscuity aimed at you, sister, " Kuno-chan deadpanned.  
  
"Die! " Kodachi leapt at Chewbacca, a considerable feat, as he was standing on a street light, but...  
  
"They are getting along nicely, " Kasumi sipped a mysteriously present cup of tea.  
  
Kuno-chan blinked at this remark. Chewbacca was a dead man. "I'm going home."  
  
"What about the monster?" Kasumi asked.  
  
"It's just not worth it, " Kuno-chan sighed as she walked away.  
  
"If you say so, " Kasumi smiled pleasantly before sipping her tea.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaarggggggggghhhhhhhh!"  
  
"Play nice!"  
  
AN 11/24/03: It's been more than a month since my last update. Sorry! This was Halloween's. I know it's short, but the Halloween Trick or Treat thing had to be left out. It just wouldn't work. So says me. Anyway, I think more has happened in this short chapter that has happened in some longer ones. Chapter 11, for instance. Anyway, I have read the FLCL manga now, so fear for the future. Given how easy it was to write this chapter, it should have come out sooner, but I felt less motivated when I saw that I wasn't nearly as far down the list of update dates as I thought I was.  
  
As for Mavasheragato... this is not my character. Nope. And if it's your character, you know who I mean. As further verification: MONKEYS!!!  
  
I apologize to those of you that think I really am insane at this point. It's both an inside joke and proof of identity.  
  
Next Episode:  
  
Ryoga: Haaaaarrrrrruuuuuuuukooooooooo!  
  
Police Officer: Sorry kid.  
  
Ryoga: Ranma will die for this!  
  
Ranma: What?  
  
Ryoga: You killed Haruko!  
  
Ranma: Uh, actually, I have a gap in my memory  
that lasts from being beaten by a pumpkin  
to me being locked in a basement at 3 AM.  
  
Ryoga: If it wasn't you, then....  
  
Konatsu: Yoink!  
  
Ryoga: Get back here!  
  
Police officer: Next Episode- The Blues  
  
Ranma: Change your clothes.  
  
Haruko: Oooookaaaay! 


	12. Chapter 14: The Blues Nerima Pneumonia 1

Disclaimer: It's at the top of the volcano!  
  
The Inner Demon Chapter 14: The Blues-Nerima Neumonia 1  
  
Velius crouched in front of an unconsious Ranma Saotome on a rooftop. The pigtailed boy neither moved nor did Velius. It so happened that the Great Necromancer's parents had bought him a new uniform just two days ago to replace the one with the fish goop on it ( Nabiki, that jerk! ) and would likely be displeased that those were now in tatters, not to mention the K.O.'d martial artist.  
  
"What am I gonna do!? Mom's gonna kill me!"  
  
Part 1: Perverted Happosai, Shampoo's Great Grandmother?  
  
"Eat all of your ramen, deary! " Happologne cackled at a very pale Genma Saotome.  
  
"He bangs his fist against the post, but still he sees the ghost, " Genma muttered repeatedly.  
  
"He's not very stable, is he? " Happologne asked Shampoo, half lidded.  
  
"He father of Kamaitachi, " Shampoo informed the shiveled... whatever it was.  
  
"I see, " It turned back to Genma, "I wish for your son to marry my great grandaughter. "  
  
Genma turned very seriously to the midget and replied with the sum of his wit, "Check please. "  
  
Shampoo handed the stuttering man the check.  
  
He sobered from his hysterical mood instantly, "130,000 yen!!"  
  
"Yes, well, you ordered our most expensive item for the entire house. Twice, " Happologne explained.  
  
"Put it on my tab? " Genma asked hopefully. He was answered by a half lidded stare. "Heh heh, but I only have 10,000 yen... "  
  
"On you?"  
  
"Uh, I only have 10,000... anywhere... "  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"How about your son? "  
  
"He has no money (that I know of...) "  
  
"How about his hand? "  
  
"A martial artist's LIFE is his hands! "  
  
"No, you fool! His hand in marriage! "  
  
"That kind of thing isn't legal in this country, you monster! "  
  
"Idiot! " the diminutive demon slapped the back of Genma's head, "To Shampoo! "  
  
"I may be stupid, and I may be drunk, " Genma narrowed his eyes at what might be his master, "But I'm not stupid or drunk enough to engage my only son to another girl. "  
  
"Hmmm... " Happologne rubbed her hands together deviously, "That can be remedied... "  
  
Ryoga rubbed his hands together. After dark, it had gotten much colder than he'd expected. He was on foot with Kashin, not wanting to attract another flying monster. He intended to find the source of the explosion that he'd heard on the barge. If there was anything he could do to help the victims...  
  
"Hey, Mr. Stampede! " a male voice called out from an alley.  
  
Ryoga turned to see Konatsu leaning against a wall, arms folded, "She's nothing but trouble, isn't she? " He gave ryoga a sidelong glance.  
  
"Haru..?" Ryoga's eyes darted from the man to the direction he'd been heading in. He ran ahead full speed.  
  
Kashin hesitated as he saw that Konatsu's normally immaculate suit was wrinkled and dusty. Not to mention, the absence of sunglasses...  
  
Ryoga ran past police to see the burning wreckage of a tanker of some sort. Medical workers loaded a black body bag into an ambulance.  
  
Ryoga stepped forward in shock.  
  
Something crunched underneath his foot.  
  
Vespa goggles.  
  
"Aaand thas when I said... 'monkeys don't fly!' pbbbft! Hie hah hah! " Genma slapped the table, laughing to tears.  
  
"Yes, well, how does an arranged marriage between my Shampoo and your Ranma sound? " Happologne tapped one foot.  
  
"Soun's great! Oh yeah, whaa do I do about th bill?" Genma slurred.  
  
"I so happy! " Shampoo clapped her hands together.  
  
"Don't worry about that, just go home and... sleep this off... after you sign this, " Happologne produced a contract before Genma.  
  
"Yeshs, pretty lady! " Genma scrawled his name on the bottom of paper. And partly onto the table.  
  
Happologne sweatdropped and Shampoo giggled nervously.  
  
"Escort Mr. Saotome to his home residence, Shampoo. See that he finds a suitable place to pass out. "  
  
Velius was leaping from rooftop to rooftop with Ranma over one shoulder, "The city sure looks different this high up, I hope I can find home. "  
  
It was then that Velius felt the person he was carrying begin to struggle. He set what was now a red headed girl with yellow eyes down on the rooftop, "What on Earth!?"  
  
"Hello, my name's Ed! What's yours? " the girl smiled happily.  
  
"Uh... I think I'm Hikaru Gosunkugi, but... I might be Velius, the Great Necromancer... " Velius rubbed his chin with one of his four hands.  
  
"Ed will call you V-Chan! " she told the towering demon.  
  
"Do you... know where Ranma Saotome is? " Velius looked at the girl's innocent, smiling face.  
  
"Ed knows where Rankun is! " she nodded.  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"Are you going to tell me? "  
  
"That's Ed's secret! Promise V-Chan won't tell?"  
  
"I promise, " Velius rolled his eyes in annoyance.  
  
"Ed saw that! Ed won't tell you now!"  
  
"I'm gonna be in big trouble! " Velius bawled as he broke down to his knees.  
  
"Gee mister, Ed didn't mean to make V-Chan cry. "  
  
Velius continued to sob and wallow in melodramatic self pity.  
  
"Ed is Ranma, Ranma is Ed! "  
  
Velius blinked and his tears stopped, "What? "  
  
"But only sometimes. "  
  
Velius blinked, "My head hurts. "  
  
Ryoga held his head in his hands. Apparently Haruko drove right into a butane tanker. The driver was killed in the explosion, but only a ruined Vespa and a broken helmet had been found as evidence of Haruko's death. Her corpse couldn't be located.  
  
He had overheard speculation that she might be under the hulk of the the tanker.  
  
" Why...?" he sobbed.  
  
A sudden memory hit the fanged one like a freight train. The devil's voice....  
  
"Oops, I guess I broke my promise."  
  
Ranma Saotome would be the exception to Ryoga's vow not to kill.  
  
Part 2: You Might Be A Demon If...  
  
"See... th' butler... th' butlersh alwaysh gonna do it..., " Genma rambled drunkenly as Shampoo led him down the street.  
  
"That nice, father in law, " Shampoo said with a pained smile.  
  
"Yer such a pretty girl, " Genma got teary, "If only you didn't kill people... we could get yer cursh re... re... taken off and... whatsh that shmell?"  
  
"Genma"  
  
"You shay shomthin? " Genma looked at Shampoo.  
  
"We almost at home, father in law, " Shampoo stated, ignoring what Genma actually said.  
  
"Genma. Ranma is going to die."  
  
Genma snapped to attention, "No. It can't..."  
  
"How exactly do we get Ranma back? " Velius asked the odd creature before him.  
  
"How would Ed know? "  
  
"You're supposed to be the same person, for starters."  
  
"Supposed to be,  
Can't you see,  
Its not me?"  
  
"Arrgh!" Velius slapped himself in the face with all hands simultaneously. A green ball of energy fired vertically into a jet liner, causing it to rapidly descend towards a skyscraper.  
  
"Ed thinks Ed and V-chan should go, " Ed scratched her head as she watched the setup for the coming carnage.  
  
"I-I can't just let them die!!" Velius began to panic as he watched the liner close the distance.  
  
"That's just about enough, Velius, " a voice called from behind them. The two turned to see Genma Saotome, Legendary Mad Martial Artist extraordinaire.  
  
"Papa! " Ed laughed happily.  
  
"Time to go back to Hell, Velius, " Genma began to glow faintly.  
  
"Shampoo help! " Shampoo emerged from behind the glowing man. She brandished her bonbori with as much menace as she could.  
  
"Shinryuuouchoudenbakuhatsukashotendan!" he shouted. Surely his twelve syllable attack move would dispatch the miscreant.  
  
His aura flared and a huge energy bomb shot forth from his palm,curved past Velius and Ed, zooming into and through the jet liner in the distance, disintegrating part of it, then exploding on contact with the skyscraper.  
  
Everyone's eyes bugged.  
  
"People gone gone? " Ed blinked in bewilderment.  
  
"You... monster! " Velius growled.  
  
"Why stupid man do!?" Shampoo whapped Genma on the side of his head with a bonbori.  
  
"I'm... still a little drunk... " Genma sweatdropped.  
  
The sound of various car collisions on the street below punctuated his excuse.  
  
Sailors Kasumi and Kuno landed immediately after this.  
  
"In the names of courage and innocence, we shall... " Sailor Kuno began as the duo landed and summoned their weapons, "YOU!!"  
  
"YOU!!" Velius took a step back.  
  
"I don't have time for this crap. Call me later, " a voice rang in Velius's head.  
  
Gosunkugi suddenly found that he was no longer an epic, legendary demon. Just Hikaru Gosunkugi in the tattered remnents of a Furinkan uniform, "eep!"  
  
The boy who would be necromancer fainted dead away.  
  
"The beast is... vanquished?" Kuno-chan blinked audibly.  
  
"Its too bad he got away with hurting so many people before we stopped him, " Sailor Kasumi gave a rare frown.  
  
"Yeeess..., " Genma started sweating heavily, "It was Velius..."  
  
He was simultaneously punched by both Shampoo and Ed.  
  
"V-chan is not a bad man! " Ed pouted.  
  
"Shampoo going home now. No like company, " she gave Genma a killing glare and started rooftop hopping away.  
  
"..." Genma felt the eyes of three girls on him, "Well, at any rate, we should return home. "  
  
"And what shall we do with this wretch? " Kuno-chan indicated Gosunkugi.  
  
Genma looked down at the boy, "There's a dumpster nearby. "  
  
"What? " Sailor Kuno looked at the bandanna wearing martial artist.  
  
"Uh... "  
  
"Mr. Saotome was just joking, Kuno-chan! " Kasumi laughed, forgetting the carnage going on not so far away.  
  
Kuno shuddered at the chan suffix  
  
"Of course! " Genma snapped his fingers, "Miss Tendo, Ran... Ed! Let us return to our abode! "  
  
He picked up Gosunkugi and headed for the fire escape, followed by Kasumi.  
  
Before Ed could follow, Kuno-chan seemed to recognize her, "Kama-chan! I have been so distract so that I had not noticed your fair presence!" He knelt before her.  
  
"Upperclassman Kuno?"  
  
"My love! Let us away from this place together, that I may comfort you for the night!"  
  
"Silly! We're both the same gender! " and with that, Ed left Kuno-chan in the dust.  
  
"She refuses to accept me for my illusion, " Kuno became downcast, "It must be the insidious design of some master sorceror to hide my manliness from my beloveds! Truly, I shall prevail this hell spawned curse and win both beauties! But... how?"  
  
This actually goes on for close to an hour, but I'll spare you.  
  
Some time later...  
Ranma-chan awoke in complete darkness. Someone h ad him in a vice grip. He began to panic.  
  
"It will soon be over, revenge will be mine."  
  
AN 12/5/03: Hmmm... lots of crazy stuff... but nothing you wouldn't expect... I think. If you're still reading this now, then I suppose it won't strike you as any stranger than usual. By the way, the original ending for this chapter was scrapped. It was a cliffhanger too, but, because of its wording, it could be taken the wrong way. In case I don't update again soon enough to clarify, I thought I should cut it back a bit.  
  
Chewbacca: Oh, I hurt so much, I just want to go to bed.  
  
Kodachi: I'm not done with you yet!  
  
Chewbacca: Arrrgh!  
  
Tofu: These previews are so inaccurate.  
  
Ranma: Haven't seen you in awhile.  
  
Tofu: That's because...  
  
Kasumi: Dr. Tofu!  
  
Tofu: Kasumi! What a surprise!  
  
Ranma: Eh.  
  
Figure: Ranma Saotome. It is time.  
  
Ranma: What!? Who are you.  
  
Figure: It is your time.  
  
Ranma: I don't wanna dieeee!  
  
Figure: Next episode- The Blues  
  
Ranma: It's not fair! 


	13. Chapter 15: The Blues Nerima Pneumonia 2

Disclaimer: No conozco el gatos que viviendo en el queso.  
  
The Inner Demon Chapter 15: The Blues-Nerima Pneumonia 2  
  
"Mr. Herb! We are set to capture the target. "  
  
"Excellent. Make sure that the Factory is ready to recieve the witch offspring of Genma. And make sure to have your orbo equipped. "  
  
"Of course, sir. "  
  
"It will soon be over. Revenge will be mine. "  
  
Part 1: The Merry House of Tendo!  
  
Gosunkugi awoke in a dark room. He was wearing strange chinese clothes and could hear breathing close by. He rationalized that he had been kidnapped by demons that meant to torture him.  
  
Sitting up in a panic, he surveyed the room and noticed that it looked as though several booby traps had been placed and gone off in it. He also noticed that there were two others in the room. One slept. The other had suddenly sprung out of the bedroom closet and landed smack on the first, who awoke suddenly.  
  
"Aaaaaaaaaagh! Aaaaaaaaaaagh! Aaaaaaaaaagh!" The first figure screamed, standing up and bouncing around wildly in an effort to dislodge the loony that had attached itself to him.  
  
"C'mon! " the second purred, "Don't ya wanna snuggle? "  
  
"Ukyo!? " Ranma stopped thrashing suddenly and turned the lights on. His face calmed and he asked, half lidded, "Do you want to get offa me?"  
  
-----------------------------------------------------  
  
You don't want me to make you get off.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------  
  
"Okay, " she sighed with mock grudgery.  
  
Gosunkugi sat wide eyed.  
  
"Ukyo, " Ranma began calmly, "You will sleep in the closet until further notice. Got that? "  
  
"That isn't very gentlemanly, " Haruko gave an over-exaggerated pout.  
  
"Tough, " and you, he said, turning to Gosunkugi, "What are you doing here and why are you in my clothes?"  
  
Gosunkugi tried to speak, but fumbled the words.  
  
"You get to sleep in the closet too, " Ranma informed him.  
  
"But I didn't do anything! "  
  
"I'll determine that tomorrow, " Ranma said before shooing them into his closet and locking it.  
  
Genma awoke to the sound of screaming, "poor kid... didn't have a chance... " Then he passed out again.  
  
Akane snuck into her home as quietly as possible. She quietly thought of what had happened the past few days and realized that her life had taken another permanent step into some strange little alternate universe. She hadn't been able to shake the idea that something was drastically wrong in the way events had played out.  
  
Oh wait. She lived in a house infested with shape shifters. And a demon. Oh well.  
  
It was then that she heard a knock on the door. Having no reason to be afraid, she answered it.  
  
A tall man in black, with long, equally black hair and a black trench coat, with the black... he wore a lot of black. "Hello. My name is Amon Mousse. I'm with a special unit of the police. Is Genma Saotome present at this residence?" he introduced himself with a grim, professional expression as he flashed his badge.  
  
"Um, yes, he's been staying here, " Akane wasn't so much surprised that the police had an interest in Genma as much as she was surprised that they'd show up in the middle of the night, "Is he being arrested or something? "  
  
"No, but he has an old friend that wishes to speak with him, " Amon handed Akane a piece of paper with a phone number on it, "He used to work with a Tokyo police force a few decades ago. He will know what this means. "  
  
"He will get it, sir, " Akane assured the man.  
  
"Thank you and good evening, " Amon turned and proceeded to leave the grounds.  
  
Akane closed the door and stared at the number as she turned around to face Genma and Soun.  
  
"Go to bed, Akane, " Soun ordered as the girl handed Genma the paper.  
  
A few minutes later, Genma was on the phone, with Soun close by.  
  
Genma hung up, "He's in town. "  
  
Soun nodded.  
  
"The one I spoke with said they had Ranma, " Genma spoke, "but Ranma is upstairs now. "  
  
"Nabiki was supposed to be at a friend's house tonight, " Soun spoke with cold dread.  
  
"You can go find her. I have to go for my own woman," Genma stated.  
  
"They have no reason to hurt Nodoka if the two of you are apart, " Soun tried to reassure his long time friend.  
  
"I've got to go, Tendo, " Genma headed for the door.  
  
"Don't expect me to back you up! " Soun shouted after Genma.  
  
"Your call, " Genma replied as he left.  
  
Morning arrived not long after...  
  
"That was the most satisfying sleep that I've had for awhile, " Ranma stood and stretched before opening his closet.  
  
A disheveled Hikaru Gosunkugi fell face first into the floor.  
  
"Good morning, " Ranma said cheerfully.  
  
Gosunkugi quickly rose, "Sir! "  
  
"Where's Haruko? "  
  
"The girl? "  
  
"Yes, of course. "  
  
"She left. "  
  
"She left? "  
  
"Yeah. Don't know when. "  
  
"I could've sworn she was right handed, " Ranma laughed as Gosunkugi started looking a bit uncomfortable, "Well, then, I'm going to see what's cooking downstairs. "  
  
On cue, Kasumi shouted from the first floor, "Ranma! You have a phone call! "  
  
"I'm gonna check this out. You help yourself to breakfast downstairs when it's ready, " Ranma said as he departed.  
  
"I'm hungry. Go eat, " Velius told Gosunkugi.  
  
"Uh... what? " Gosunkugi was startled.  
  
The voice sighed audibly, "I am your demon conscience. Trust me when I tell you that you would rather dine on human cuisine than what I will have you eat if you do not. "  
  
"Yessir! " Gosunkugi agreed immediately, running out of Ranma's room and downstairs.  
  
It turned out that Hiroshi had called about the meeting that Ranma had missed.  
  
"We went on as usual without you, but the board's confidence might be shaken if you miss the next one, " Hiroshi informed him.  
  
"Hmm... I see. I was detained by forces beyond my control, " Ranma explained.  
  
"Would you like me to bump up next week's meeting? "  
  
"Naah, It's fine, " Ranma decided, "Just prepare me a summary of events. "  
  
"Yes sir. "  
  
"Oh, and Gosunkugi's alright. Introduce him to HQ. "  
  
"As you wish. Anything else? "  
  
"Yeah, what's Daisuke's room number? "  
  
"5th floor, room 257. "  
  
"Excellent. I'll see you Monday for the summary. "  
  
"Goodbye, sir. "  
  
Ranma hung up the phone and headed for the breakfast table.  
  
"Do you think that Legacy HQ is using us? " Akari Karasuma asked her coworker as they sat in a company car in front of the Tendo household.  
  
"Do not forget that Earth MIB's supernature department is a joint commission between Legacy HQ and MIB-J. We act as a part of both, despite the fact that Legacy HQ is rather hands-off, " Amon Mousse reminded her.  
  
"They have no problem taking our Orbo, though, " Akari grimaced slightly as the car sped off.  
  
Genma pumped his legs furiously on the bicycle he'd just stolen. He knew what the game was. The only question would be whether or not he was up to the task.  
  
This is the point that Ono Tofu happened to walk directly into Genma's path. Genma tried to stop, but, unfortunately, the bike's pedals were not very well made. Apparently, neither were the handle bars. Nor the wheels, for that matter.  
  
"Aaaaaaaaaaaagh!"  
  
"What? Oh n-!"  
  
CRASH!  
  
"In a hurry?" Tofu asked casually as he felt around for his glasses.  
  
"Yes. Indeed, " Genma felt for his glasses, "I have an important meeting to attend. "  
  
The two men grabbed each other's glasses and put them on while standing. As it turns out, they had very different prescriptions.  
  
"Well, I need to be going too, " Tofu could barely make out the man. "I think I need a new prescription...," he thought.  
  
"Yes, well. I guess I shall be on my way as well, " Genma nodded to the blurry man. "A martial artist must never show weakness, " he thought.  
  
With that, they parted. Both heading for the same location by different routes.  
  
Ranma, however, was bored. The Tendo household was completely serene. Kasumi sipped tea. Gosunkugi was making dolls. Haruko was following him around with a goofy grin. Then Ranma decided it would be best to head out now to take care of Daisuke's bills.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------  
  
..... and pick up some IVs...  
  
-----------------------------------------------------  
  
"Time to take care of business. "  
  
"Can I come? " Haruko chirped up.  
  
"No. Go away, " Ranma left the household with Haruko right behind.  
  
Akane slept late that day and woke with a stretch and a yawn. Her life had been really messed up the past few days. She never would have believed it possible before now that Nerima could actually get stranger.  
  
She stumbled out of bed and began to search for her uniform. Oh wait... she didn't have school today. She supposed that she ought to try to explain what had happened while she'd been missing to her father, but an image of the man bawling while Genma was out doing God knows what was too much. She sighed. Things were too complicated. She decided just to go break some bricks.  
  
Soun was on edge. He stayed calm on the outside, but his thoughts kept wandering to Nabiki. He'd called the place she was supposed to be staying, (how did she get him to let her leave, anyway?) and, surely enough, Nabiki was fine... but he couldn't shake this feeling...  
  
Nabiki was tied to a chair in some dark, gothic church. She'd never seen this place anywhere before, but it was only about two miles outside of Nerima ward. Why wasn't her father there by now? She would have threatened her captors, except for the gag around her mouth.  
  
"Stop struggling, " a voice spoke behind her, "I want you to be awake when your father arrives. "  
  
What could this person want with her father?  
  
Soun stood suddenly, "That's it! I have to rescue her! " He took one step before slipping on his own dropped newspaper and falling face first onto the ground, twisting his ankle in the process, "Oh hell, not again! "  
  
Akane had just entered the room in time to witness this event, "Daddy!" She rushed up to the now-sobbing man, "Who do you need to rescue? "  
  
"Your sister, Nabiki, " Soun sat up, "I think she's been kidnapped. "  
  
"I will find her! " Sailor Kasumi entered from the kitchen, with determination oozing from every pore.  
  
Suddenly a ringing went off behind her, "Ooh! My cake!" With that, she dashed back into the kitchen.  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"Daddy, I'm going to go find Nabiki, " Akane told her father.  
  
"But, Akane, these are very dangerous people..."  
  
"I'm the only one that can do it right now. "  
  
"..."  
  
"Father!"  
  
"Alright. Go to the Green Bird Cathedral. It is just outside of Nerima, to the northeast. I believe that is where she is, " Soun then handed Akane a sword grip with no blade attached, "Take this. It is a good luck charm. "  
  
"I'll be back soon, father! " Akane took the object and headed towards the front door, when Gosunkugi marched up behind her, "What!? "  
  
"... A-Akane, " Gosunkugi swallowed, "I want to help. "  
  
"Don't be ridiculous! " Akane turned away.  
  
"No, really! " Gosunkugi implored her, "I-I've got powers. "  
  
"Fine. Try to keep up, " Akane left casually until she reached the front gate, then ran full tilt. There would be no way that Nabiki's newest slave would have the strength or stamina to even stay in sight of her. Or so she thought...  
  
Part 2: Ryoga... Eternally Lost, Remember?  
  
"I know where I'm going, Kashin! " Ryoga shouted at the hapless robot, refusing the map that it'd offered as they wandered around the city.  
  
He didn't fail to realize that it was lucky that he was still in Tokyo at this point, but he would be damned if he accepted directional help from Kashin.  
  
"And take off that damn wig! "  
  
"..." Kashin looked as dejected as a humanoid robot with a TV for a head can as he removed the cheery clown wig he'd been wearing.  
  
"Don't give me that look, " Ryoga commanded as he turned to face Kashin, stopping in front of a hospital.  
  
Not far away...  
  
"You don't even know where I'm going! " Ranma shouted at his stalker.  
  
"So? " Haruko smiled, irritatingly.  
  
"And stop smiling at me like that! "  
  
"... " Haruko gave her best look of mock dejection, with puppy dog eyes and all.  
  
"Don't give me that look, " Ranma commanded as he approached the turn of the corner, which would lead to the front of the hospital.  
  
Ranma made the turn and began to walk toward the hospital from the end of the street that Shampoo hadn't wrecked.  
  
Ryoga turned again and entered the hospital, "Fine! I'll ask for help in this bank. "  
  
Ranma had made his way to the door, then began to scale up the side of the building.  
  
Haruko watched as Ranma quickly made his way to the room that he'd stayed in during his injury. She shrugged and decided to take the front door.  
  
Ryoga had just at this time entered an elevator, quite by accident, and headed up toward the 7th floor; coincidentally, this was the same floor that Ranma was on.  
  
Kashin turned to the stairs, missing Haruko by seconds.  
  
Ranma left his previous hospital room and made his way to the elevator. He walked down the hall and nodded to nurses and doctors as though he knew them, and each doctor or nurse assumed he must be there by the authority of one the other doctors or nurses he'd nodded to. When he reached the elevator, he pressed the button and waited for the elevator to arrive. It was then that he noticed Kuno entering a room within sight of the elevator.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------  
  
None can hide from me!  
  
-----------------------------------------------------  
  
Ranma turned and took a left for the supply closet Kuno had presumably hidden in.  
  
Ryoga fell forward out of the elevator, relieved that he wasn't in a demon tomb buried underneath the hospital, or some crazy thing like that. He then decided to find the stairs. He took a right, walking just past the stairwell that Kashin emerged from seconds later.  
  
When Ranma entered the supply closet, he found that Kuno was picking up nutrient and medicine bags for IV drips.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------  
  
That son of a camel! I'll teach him to steal my ideas!  
  
-----------------------------------------------------  
  
It was true that Haruko didn't have any idea why Ranma had gone to this hospital, but, then, she also had no idea why she'd knocked out that nurse and stolen her uniform, nor why she had felt a compulsive desire to sell okonomiyaki to the people in the cafeteria. Suddenly the frame of the hospital shook. It was too brief to be serious.  
  
"Minor earthquake..."  
  
Ranma had hit the intern that had looked so remarkably like Kuno, yet surprisingly was not, hard enough to send the poor guy through two floors. Oh well... at least he had part of the drip set.  
  
"Where am I now!? " Ryoga was pretty sure that this was no ordinary hospital. Well, he assumed that most hospitals did not have mysterious, huge machines belching steam in dark, forbidding rooms.  
  
Perhaps that tunnel (Laundry chute) was not the best shortcut? He'd somehow ended up, from a subterranean laundry mat, ending up in this steel hell.  
  
As it turned out, Haruko had hidden the nurse she had stolen her current attire from in this place, the boiler room.  
  
Ryoga noticed the poor woman, who was chained and padlocked to a pipe, with a "kick me" sign taped to her side.  
  
"There is only one devil capable of this sort of evil, " Ryoga reddened in anger, "RAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNMAAAAAAAA!!! "  
  
Ranma had thought he'd heard something... but... naah, it must've been his imagination.  
  
Imagine Doujima's surprise when she, undercover and watching to see whether or not Daisuke was a witch (he did survive quite a fall, after all), she'd been grabbed from behind by some loony with yellow eyes and quickly bound with chains and gagged. Then the freak had the nerve to tape a "kick me" sign to her!  
  
Now there was some other loony shouting out the name of another witch that the MIB-J was looking for. God, she just loved her job so much.  
  
"Don't worry, miss! " Ryoga tried to reassure her, "I'll punish the person that is responsible! "  
  
And, with that said, he walked away in a random direction without even removing the woman's gag.  
  
Haruko's gag was wearing thin on her attention span. Sure, selling okonomiyaki as a nurse sounded cool, but it just didn't give her the rush that usually came when she stayed near Ranma long enough. So she decided to find him and make up a reason for them to fight to the death. Wouldn't that be fun?  
  
Kashin was not having fun. That was the short version. While not being an idiot of directions like Ryoga, he was, however, lost in his direction.  
  
As it turns out, there had recently been added a trap door in one of the supply closets.  
  
You may ask, "Why was Kashin in a supply closet? " Well, he was looking for Ryoga.... Moving on....  
  
Well, he'd fallen a few floors onto someone that looked remarkably like a male equivalent to that one female sailor in red. Obviously that was not the case, for two reasons. The first being obvious, and the second being that sailors didn't generally tend to make squishing or crunching sounds... or loud cursing.  
  
Apparently, the cursing had attracted hospital personnel, because Kashin heard the rattle of a doorknob. He decided it was time to go.  
  
Haruko had heard some screaming from an unused room and made haste to soap out the offender's mouth.  
  
Running in, she completely missed the gaping hole in the ceiling and proceded to grab the battered boy that she found.  
  
She was halfway into her soaping when she realized that this boy looked quite a bit like Kuno. She dropped him and began savagely kicking him for not being present at the last battle.  
  
When the hapless intern had begun to cry softly, she decided that that was very un-Kuno like, so she took the opportunity to vanish before the slowly responding real hospital personnel showed up to find an innocent intern.  
  
The only person that showed up was Ryoga, though. He had had enough of wandering around in the hell that existed under the hospital and had decided to break the ceiling and travel vertically. That was possibly the one direction that did not cheat him at every turn. Right, left, forward, backward, sideways, diagonally, west, east, north, south.... they were all ne'er do wells and traitors in his eyes.  
  
To his astonishment, he found Tatewaki Kuno lying face down, battered and in a pool of tears. He soundly thrashed the poor boy for stealing his schtick before realizing that Kuno probably didn't babble about singing raisins and dancing coke cans as much as this crying boy, so he hastily apologized and sprinted off to brain Ranma. After all, Ranma's presence at this hospital is what caused him to beat that intern.  
  
Ranma had finally found Daisuke's room. He'd smuggled in a check book that had Daisuke's name on it.  
  
"Uh... I don't have a checking account at the Bank of Tokyo... do I? " Daisuke blinked in surprise.  
  
"Actually, alla my board members do, " Ranma smirked, "I got friends in high places. "  
  
"Is it legal? " Daisuke asked, hesitantly.  
  
"..." Ranma continued smirking without reply.  
  
"Of course, " Daisuke hurriedly spoke up, "But, uh, how much is there? "  
  
"About 3600, " Ranma shrugged and left the disappointed Daisuke behind, leaping out of a nearby (Luckily open, this time) window.  
  
This disappointment would fade away when Daisuke recieved a timely statement that informed him that Ranma had missed a few zeros.  
  
Ryoga protested when a very unhappy Kashin tried to drag him out of the hospital, "RANMA IS STILL HERE! "  
  
Kashin pointed out a nearby window, which Ranma happened to be briefly visible from.  
  
Unfortunately, Ryoga had been obstinately looking in the other direction... or maybe he had meant to follow Kashin's hand, we'll never know.  
  
"We're staying right here until Ranma finds us, " Ryoga plopped onto the floor, "And that is that! "  
  
Kashin hung his head in exasperation.  
  
Haruko, however, was already leaving. Apparently a janitor had found Doujima and the police had arrived just in time to arrest her. Hopefully she'll escape jail in time for the next chapter.  
  
Part 3: Ballad of Fallen Legendary Mad Martial Artists  
  
Genma-panda showed up in front of the Green Bird Cathedral. This is where it all began... and where it all ended...  
  
He entered at a slow pace, watching his sides with peripheral vision, he soon arrived in front of the raised altar. It was a large open room. The altar itself was a few yards ahead and was raised so that it was accessible only by two stone staircases that were located on either side of the room.  
  
Nabiki Tendo was tied to a chair in front of him. A man in elegant renaissance French attire held an origami swan to the captive girl's throat.  
  
"When angels fall out of heaven, they become devils, " a cloaked figure behind the altar spoke, "You agree, don't you, Genma? "  
  
Genma's orbo glowed.  
  
"Drop it, if you want your daughter to live, " the man said. He was Zostra. A very dangerous member of the Legacy. He was a master of killing by the element of air. It also so happened that he was the master of the Origami Paper Folding style of martial arts, but that's besides the point.  
  
Genma squinted, then his clawed panda hand shot up and fired a chi bullet that picked Zostra off cleanly.  
  
A fire fight ensued as Genma rushed forward and cut Nabiki's bonds before handing her his orbo necklace.  
  
She ran to the exit, with the orbo absorbing any stray chi bullets that came her way.  
  
Genma dodged the bullets and returned fire with his own. He was hit in the arm, then grit his teeth and blasted the sniper. Before long, it was just him and a cloaked figure standing with the altar to its right and a stained glass.  
  
The figure reached for a katana hidden within its robes.  
  
Genma poured a hot water kettle's contents over his head and adopted a fighting stance.  
  
There was a split second of calm before the two rushed forward and met. Genma fired several shots and the figure took several swipes. Genma was unable to dodge the deathblow, but did manage to block it with an energy shield.  
  
"You should see yourself now, " the figure spoke, "In you runs the same vicious blood. "  
  
"I've bled that blood away, " Genma snarled.  
  
"Then... " The two struggled with their current state of check, "WHY ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?! "  
  
There was a shot and a swipe. Genma fell through the stained glass.  
  
"..." the figure watched Genma for a moment before looking down and seeing a concussion grenade. The eyes under the hood widened in realization.  
  
Genma fell... he saw the bright flash of light above him. His life flashed before his eyes... Nodoka... Herb... the cathedral... then he saw himself stumbling in the streets, his wounds terrible... he awoke to hear Nodoka's humming. She stopped when she saw him. He spoke up, "I love your rendition of blue suede shoes, keep singing... "  
  
Akane looked up as Genma-Panda growfed. She still couldn't believe the odds that not only did Dr. Tofu just happen to show up at the right time, but Gosunkugi had beaten her there. If it had been up to her, Genma would be laying at the bottom of the canal now.  
  
Just as she started to hum again, the panda raised a sign, "Don't you know that Elvis is dead? "  
  
She proceded to break it over his head and take her leave of him.  
  
Soun chuckled from behind his paper.  
  
Elsewhere, in a similar state, Kuno mumbled feverishly in his catatonia about coke cans and california raisins. Kodachi cracked her knuckles. She just couldn't listen to this nonsense any more.  
  
AN 3/29/04: Wow! An update.  
  
Haruko: No body knows the trouble I seen...  
  
Cellmate: For the love of God! Shut up!  
  
Haruko: Why can't we be friends, why can't we...  
  
Cellmate: I'm gonna kill you!  
  
Haruko: I shot the sheriff! But I didn't shoot the...  
  
Cellmate: Why!? Why me!?  
  
Haruko: ...  
  
Cellmate: Never sing again. Ever.  
  
Haruko: And that's the day the music died!  
  
Cellmate: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!  
  
Haruko: Sha la la la la!  
  
Cellmate: *hangs self with bedsheet*  
  
Haruko: Cool! Now I have the top bunk! 


	14. Chapter 16: Cast in the Name of Justice

Disclaimer: It has been a year since the last tournament. Violent fighting to begin again!

The Inner Demon

Chapter 16:Cast in the name of Justice...

Nu is the beginning and the end of everything. Until further notice, you may quote me on that.

Part 1: Where have the Ranmas of yesterday gone?

It was a late Sunday afternoon and Ranma had finally gotten around to dealing with Daisuke's hospital visit. Now he was bounding down a street, occasionally ricocheting from one building to another across the street. He had an armfull of IV bags and drips and was cackling madly.

"Another one of those Nerima wierdos"

"Don't look at it directly, honey"

"Sssh! I think it saw us!"

Insert bad poetry here

She looked down at the sound of cars veering and pedestrians shouting and narrowed her eyes seriously.

Ranma chuckled loudly as he toppled a street light.

She followed silently via rooftop.

Ranma threw a parkbench at a deli.

She was about to leap in to test her newest skills on Ranma when a shrill whistle sounded. Three girls in sailor uniforms landed in Ranma's path from some unknown point in the sky.

Ranma was loitering next to a "no loitering" sign.

"We shall rein you in!" Sailor Kodachi shouted with a crack of her rose whip.

"In the name of abstract morality! You shall be punished!" Sailor Kasumi brandished her shield.

"The fight we've all been waiting for!" Sailor Haruko drew a blue and white spatula from her back.

"I figured you'd show if I caused enough damage!" Ranma cackled.

Suddenly a malformed shadow was cast from behind him.

"There's a monster behind me, isn't there?" Ranma asked, half lidded.

A loud roar confirmed his suspicions.

"Drat"

That evening...

Ranma was reclining in a chair he'd stolen, eating chips that he'd stolen, watching a television that was stolen, and absentmindedly flipping through channels using a universal remote he'd cobbled together using parts from other remotes that were probably stolen.

The sailors from earlier were being interviewed by a woman with entirely too much makeup on.

"Well, we saw a monster and knew we had to stop it," Kasumi smiled sweetly.

"You woulda done it too if you were us," Haruko held a sign reading "Hi mom!"

"It is true that conventional crime has dropped to almost nil in the past few days, but how do you explain the rise in monster related crime?" The heavily made up woman asked.

Ranma's arm could be seen twitching spastically underneath a pile of tires that somewhat approximated the shape of a human, though much larger.

"Ahem," Kodachi spoke up for the first time, "We are currently running under the belief that we are not the cause or the effect of the monsters, but that some factor in the environment has changed in such a way as to bring both us and them into being, almost as though some dichotomous personality of eldritch power has risen and there is a need to balance both its beneficient and maleficient aspects."

"As in Derleth's equation E126/gregory-783B+552A2, where B and A are defined relative to a specific frequency "gregory" in the equation gregory (A+B)- (A2)+(B2)E?" The overly made up woman asked.

"Only if you take into account Allen's theory of electromagnetic resonance within the spectrum of the aether," Kasumi put in helpfully.

"Hold on! I'm gettin a call from HQ!" Haruko chimed in, and the three sailors leap to an unknown point in the sky, leaving the cameraman with backstrain as he tried to catch the movement.

"I'm Tsuki Wakamara with Tokyo's Mega News Television, back to you Bill," The heavily made up woman said as a different cameraman covered her sign off.

Ranma turned the tv off with a snort of disapproval, "They're showin me up! If I don't think a some way to take the cameras offa them, people won't take my reign of terror seriously." An evil grin spread over Ranma's face, "I know just what to do..."

Hiroshi got the call. At first he didn't know what to make of it. Then he used his "Kamaitachi decoder ring" to decipher it. Surely... the great Kamaitachi is not planning... No! It was unbelievable, irrational, and not nice. Ranma assured him that he'd heard what he'd thought.

Then... Hiroshi shivered.

Ranma replaced his legally bought with stolen money cell phone as he made his way to the scheduled meeting, climbing into a secret passage under a fire hydrant a block away from Furinkan. He proceeded down the dank passageway, which was uncomfortably tight, but was quite dry. After a few minutes, he emerged from under his desk in his office under the school.

Hiroshi had had the decor changed somewhat. The cabinets and desk were where they'd been during Ranma's previous visits. So was the picture of Hiroshi's mother. The eyes seemed to follow Ranma's movements...

"Kamaitachi, sir!"

Ranma almost jumped, but instead turned slowly around with a devilish expression.

"Hiroshi reporting, sir! We've begun the procurement," Hiroshi appeared unfazed by Ranma, who simmered down summarily, "Here are the latest reports."

Ranma leafed through several papers in the manila folder Hiroshi handed him, "How long before we are ready?"

"One week."

"Not good enough. You have two days," Ranma said distractedly before opening the secret door to the boardroom, which remained the same as always, with the television, potted plants, and watercooler. Ranma sat in the head chair and set down the reports.

Gosunkugi stumbled in at just that moment and hurriedly sat in the chair behind a new plate that read "Gosunkugi, Requistions and Necromancy".

"Nice of you to join us, Gosunkugi, " Ranma said gravely.

"Uh.. nice to be here?" Gosunkugi tucked in his shirt where he sat.

"Any news in procurement?"

"We've, ah, got everything under control. With Velius's help, the things you requested out to all be in place ten times faster than projected."

"Mr. Vice Principal. Have you seen to Principal Kuno's discipline?" Ranma turned to the man.

"We have contracted with one Ukyo Kuonji to keep him in line," the VP informed Ranma.

Ryoga had run toward the sounds of battle and somehow ended up on some grey street corner in the middle of nowhere. It was dark and cold and he was hungrier than could be imagined. And Kashin just wasn't helping at all.

The TV headed robot in the cheery rainbow wig just further marked them as "Nerima Ward freaks", which had been a serious disadvantage. That, and a few super villains had tried to steal Kashin, having recognized it from the battle with the giant robot clown werewolf, for whatever purpose.

The rain didn't help either. No doubt that if Ryoga could have spoken at that moment, he would utter something melodramatic. But, unfortunately, little black piglets can't talk.

Shampoo had been on that very sidewalk not but moments before, looking for Ranma. It was just Ryoga's luck that the rain had kicked up and left him with bicycle tracks on his piglet body.

Hours of wandering led them to Dr. Tofu's doorstep. Ryoga would have just scuttled by if not for the sound of a very familiar voice...

"... so what do we do now, Doctor?"

Kashin opened the door just enough to admit Ryoga, using a skeleton key function. Ryoga entered and scuttled this way and that, trying to find the source of the voice. He eventually found his way to an ajar sliding door that blended in with the wall perfectly.

Kodachi Kuno and Kasumi Tendo were talking with Dr. Tofu, apparently reporting their activities for the day. All three sat on cushions in a sparsely decorated room that Ryoga could have sworn was impossible to be part of the structure that it most certainly was part of. The room should be, by just plain common sense, in the middle of the street. Ryoga shrugged this off, figuring that his directional sense must be the fault here. But that didn't explain why Dr. Tofu was wearing a monacle.

"That Haruko wasn't with us against the Urubolus Jazzman, " Kodachi groused, "She's almost as bad as my brother."

Kasumi sipped her cup of tea peacefully.

"I'm sure Sailor Haruko has an explanation, but we have graver problems if Velius has returned to the world, " Tofu replied sagely.

Kasumi sipped her cup of tea peacefully.

"Regarding that 'Velius'," Kodachi frowned, "What exactly is it?"

"An extradimensional entity," Tofu shivered slightly, "Quite evil. Or, perhaps more accurately, it simply cares nothing for creatures of our mode of existance more that we do cattle."

Kasumi sipped her cup of tea peacefully.

"Well, for an extradimensional entity, he sure is pathetic," Kodachi snorted.

"There are eleven more," Dr. Tofu adjusted his monacle, "Velius is one of the most powerful, but there are worse, and each has the ability to call upon uncounted numbers of servants."

"Where do these things come from?" Kasumi entered the conversation.

"That is a mystery best left unexplored, but if you must have an answer, I'd say Hell," an unfamiliar masculine voice answered as Chewbacca entered through another hidden doorway.

"You!" Kodachi spit out the word as she stood.

"Easy," Tofu rose with a calming hand, "He's on our side."

"They enter our world via special stones that form a bond with one that possesses the proper 'resonance'," Chewbacca stated with a dramatic flourish.

"You won't be able to defeat them all unless you can find the Princess," Tofu addressed Kodachi and Kasumi. He then turned to speak to Chewbacca, "Did you find Kuno?"

"I thought I had, but it was just some lookalike," Chewbacca frowned.

She waited, hiding, near where she'd seen Ranma duck into a fire hydrant. She was rewarded with his re-emergence an hour and a half later. She smiled.

Ranma casually exited the hydrant with his umbrella at the ready. He just as casually put the hydrant back in place and walked away whistling some random tune.

She pounced, knocking him into a puddle.

Ranma-chan rose and growled an unearthly growl. Then she choked audibly, "Happosai?"

Elswhere...

Soun awoke with a start, pale as a ghost and drenched in sweat. He rushed into the room Genma was laid out in.

Genma was twitching uncontrollably in his sleep.

Happosai rose, chuckling in a strange way.

"Wait... you're not... " Ranma-chan was momentarily dazed.

Happosai leapt at Ranma-chan and must've hit her a dozen timesin the space of a moment.

Ranma-chan staggered.

"Heh heh heh," Happosai chuckled with a deranged look, "You will take me to the 'Cat Cafe'."

Ranma-chan's mouth widened into a hideous smile, "Neuga Ziemer Zieber Zin."

"Oh, you want to play, " Happosai leapt to a nearby tree and muttered something unholy. The tree withered and Happosai seemed to de-age...

Ranma-chan floated into the air as storm clouds gathered.

"Uuu'haaaiua!" A figure that looked much like Shampoo leapt at Ranma-chan.

Ryoga heard a distant explosion. In the space of a heartbeat, Kasumi and Kodachi transformed and dashed past the piglet, with Chewbacca in close pursuit.

Ryoga scuttled after them and was swallowed by Kashin as soon as he emerged onto the sidewalk.

The road and sidewalk had been terribly ripped up and the nearby park was obliterated. Three nearby buildings lay in ruins.

Ranma-chan fought viciously, but every pain claw and crush kick she used was re-butted with a similar, but much more devastating version of the attack. Everytime she'd thought the monster was beaten, it would simply grab some living thing and suck the life out of it.

Finally, Happoshampoo hit her hard with a savage aerial spinning round kick to the head, sending her whirling through the air into the rubble of a nearby building.

Sailor Kodachi was first on the scene, lashing out with her whip.

Happoshampoo(Shampposai?) grabbed the whip and jerked the Sailor toward her and threw a punch that made an audible crack against Kodachi's skull, sending her flying in the opposite direction of Ranma-chan into the destroyed park.

Sailor Kasumi, encased in an iridescent energy sphere streaked from the sky, leaving the monstrous creature in a crater.

A moment later, a vicious kick sent Kasumi flying vertically with the sound of a thunderbolt.

She didn't land.

Kashin barrelled by, clotheslining the creature as it stood. The two exchanged blows at an unbelievable speed. Dents were forming on Kashin's armor as Happoshampoo finally bled slightly.

Another Shampoo had made her way to the battered Ranma-chan's side, "What is happening here?"

"Ugh, Happosai..." Ranma-chan stood in agony and dashed back to the battle in time to see Happoshampoo stomping Kashin into the ground.

Ranma-chan's eyes narrowed. She had only one chance. She didn't want to use it, but this was easily the worst debacle he'd ever seen.

"Cat Cafe. Now."

Ranma gave an agonized chuckle, "Brush off vanity and show reality!"

For a moment everything was still.

There was no sound.

Then,

A door opened somewhere.

Everthing turned green, then white.

A shrieking sound.

Then...

Monday.

Part 2: Queklain, Adramelk, and Zarela

Akane had overslept. She frantically dressed and rushed outside. Five minutes to get to class. Could she do it? Only time would tell.

Haruko (as Ms. O'Leary) counted the seconds on her watch. She'd regretted that she'd missed battle number eight yesterday, but until the whole 'Kouchou Kuno'(She'd discovered that he had had his first name legally changed to Kouchou.) thing was dealt with, she had little choice but to keep up the charade. That meant being up early enough to beat all of the other teachers and students to school because they were jealous losers. A bell rang and she stood to pronounce Akane Tendo and Ranma Saotome late, as they would certainly rush through the door any moment. Then she noticed Akane was sitting at her desk, perfectly prepared for the day.

"How long have you been there?" Ms. O'Leary's jaw almost dropped.

Akane blinked, "Don't you remember? I gave you that apple?"

Haruko glanced at the mocking apple on her desk. It taunted her.

Suddenly, a voice crackled over the intercom,"Code X."

Haruko blinked.

"Ms. O'Leary?" One of the boys in the back raised his hand.

Ms. O'Leary nodded.

"What is 'Code X'?" The boy asked.

"That's a good question," Ms. O'Leary nodded in contemplation, "Your reward is to be the teacher until further notice."

The boy blinked. Everyone else gasped in horror. Anybody but Yusuke.

Shin and Gosunkugi hurried into the boardroom, expecting to see Ranma.

Hiroshi entered via the secret passage with a solemn expression, "Kamaitachi has gone missing."

Shin ground his teeth and Gosunkugi paled.

"News from our contact in Tokyo Mega News Television is that the carnage last night claimed him, but his body wasn't among the dead.

A vision flashed before Gosunkugi's eyes.

"You killed all the people! You were solely responsible," Ryoga stood over a battered form, "and now you are going to die!"

"Carnage?" Shin raised an eyebrow, "Was that the..?"

"Exactly," Hiroshi nodded, "The police cordoned off the area, but it is certain that a battle took place. Only innocent bystanders were hurt, as far as we know. Ranma's failure to appear today is proof enough, though."

"What do we do now?" Gosunkugi asked in despair.

"We have instructions," Hiroshi told them, "To be executed if Ranma fails to return after a particularly rough battle."

"We have five stones. Six counting Gosunkugi's. We know who four are meant for," Hiroshi handed Gosunkugi a bag containing three spherical objects, "You must seek them out and give them the stones. Then you must injure them mortally. That ought to be enough."

"?" Gosunkugi paled further and his eyes widened.

"I am Sam Hain. I shall bathe in your blood."

The memory flashed back into Gosunkugi's terrified mind. Velius took over Gosunkugi's body, "It shall be done." Gosunkugi faded away.

Hiroshi turned to Shin, "I want you to supervise the special project. I have to find Ranma's body."

Far away, Amon Mousse and Akari Karasuma were investigating the devastation of the previous night.

"You look like you know what did this," Karasuma spoke to Amon.

"I recognize the type of attack that was used here, yes," Amon examined a withered tree.

"Is it the Legacy?" Karasuma asked him as she bagged a piece of unusually discolored debris.

"Possibly indirectly," Amon turned to Karasuma, "I suspect that it has a Chinese origin. Our first stop is the Tendo residence."

Tofu spoke hurriedly over the phone, "Yes, I haven't been able to contact any of them... No. I don't think they've gone rogue... Ranma... Yes, I believe only one door is left... I need more time! You've only given me two days!.. Could you at least tell me who that is?... I see. That will make things even more difficult... Because she's crazy, that's why!... I'll get right on it."

The black cloaked man waved to his subordinate, who cut the line. "That piece of garbage, Saotome. Urgh!"

"I'm here to inform you that now that Ranma Saotome has opened the second to last door, the galaxy police has resumed jurisdiction over this area. You can cooperate or you can return to where you came from, " Konatsu stood before the black cloaked man in the dimly lit chamber. A ninja with overlarge eyebrows, in an immaculate suit.

"Of course, we have always willingly extended our hand in friendship and cooperation to the Galaxy police," The man made a reaching gesture even as his patronizing tone betrayed contempt for the 'Galaxy Police'.

"That means no more surprises," Konatsu held his ground.

"I can hardly promise that," the figure chuckled under his hood, "But there won't be any unauthorized surprises."

Konatsu narrowed his eyes and left via an ominously large and old steel door.

A shadowy figure appeared beside the cloaked man.

"I want that man killed," the voice under the hood rasped.

Kiyone and Mihoshi tended to an injured Ryoga. He unconsciously clutched a broken television set. They were in an apartment downtown.

"Is... Is he going to make it, Kiyone?" Mihoshi was kneeling beside Ryoga and holding a wet washrag to his head.

"He lost a lot of blood when we got there..." Kiyone grimaced, "I don't know."

Ryoga's eyes fluttered abruptly, "It."

"What?" Mihoshi was startled.

Ryoga stood, dropping the set on one of his feet.

"Agh!" Ryoga leapt up and banged his head against the ceiling, then fell to the floor again.

"Hey! Keep it down!" the neighbors complained.

Kashin entered the room wearing a chef's hat and carrying a platter on which rested the largest omellette that Ryoga had ever seen.

"You'll be buying us a new tv, by the way," Kiyone informed Ryoga as he began hungrily stuffing his face.

Amon had left word with Soun that he had to discuss old business with Genma involving his past.

"I try to get out, but they keep pulling me back in!" Genma had groused to Soun.

Now Amon was waiting with Karasuma in the Cat Cafe. Aside from the disturbing midget, it was a pretty good restaurant. Of course, Amon would never have gone there for anything if not for the necessity of the situation.

Genma stumbled in on a crutch, still wearing casts on his right arm and leg and covered somewhat loosely in bandages.

"Is he a mummy?" Akari Karasuma wore an amused expression.

"..." Amon wasn't one for frivolity.

Genma sat across from Amon, with Karasuma on his left, "So, I take it this is about last night."

"Someone with Happosai's MO is in town," Amon spoke cryptically, "And, as I'm sure you're aware, Happosai is having a bit of an identity crisis."

"Sssh!" Genma dropped low as the midget bounced past the table, "It might hear you!"

"Hmph," Amon dismissed the statement,"There is no way that Happosai is behind this."

"..." Genma stared blankly at Amon, "Didn't you see how he was dressed?"

"That notwithstanding, Happosai has been a model citizen," Amon almost growled, "And that leaves just one possibility."

"..." Cold realization entered into Genma's mind, "I see. So there is another ancient crossdressing midget that can absorb energy and convert it to other forms."

"Exactly. That's why we need you."

"Wait a minute!" Genma leaned away from them, "I will not go back with you or anyone else."

"Mr. Saotome! That creature was powerful enough to defeat your son. Certainly you aren't planning on letting it run loose!" Karasuma spoke up.

Suddenly there was a slight tremor.

Genma felt it in his bones,"You knew. You knew it would scent me."

Amon rose and drew twin pistols from his trenchcoat as Karasuma summoned her eldritch pig.

Both faced the entrance. Both faced the wrong direction.

Velius returned Gosunkugi's body to class with an excuse from the principal. Gosunkugi's memory of Sam Hain had been buried again, and he found it not so difficult to do what he was told.

Akane, however, was ready to bolt.

"Uhh... What's the capital of Boise?" Yusuke asked the class.

"Psst! Yuka! What's Boise?"

"Shh! He's looking at us!"

"Uh? Greenwich?"

"...Uh," Yusuke sweated nervously, "Correct?"

Akane raised her hand even as she rolled her eyes, "May I be..."

A hideous shriek dissolved into gibbering laughter somewhere outside of the school.

Sailor Haruko looked around for other sailors, then smiled, "I guess I'm alone."

"Hah!" A hidiously bloated ghoul with a vertical slit on its oversized belly laughed, "De bad keikis need to be punished!" The palm tree on its head wobbled, "I am Queklain! The Impure King!"

Haruko shrugged and dashed at Queklain.

"Nightmare!" Queklain shouted as the slit opened to reveal teeth. Gas wooshed from its jaws with such force that Haruko was thrown backward.

She stumbled about for a moment before passing out.

"Excellent, now we be eatin you up!" Queklain approached Haruko's unconscious body when Dr. Tofu seemed to slide from nowhere and hit the Impure King with a series of Shiatsu jabs.

Queklain quivered, then remained still as Tofu scooped up Haruko and ran off.

Akane and many of the other students in the school had made their way out just moments afterward. The Hinakos had been overpowered by sheer numbers.

At first everyone was dumbfounded, then someone noticed the palm tree.

"It's the principal!"  
"The principal's a monster!"

"Get him!"

"Revenge!"

"Viva la revolucion!"

"Remember the a la mode!"

"No more rules! No more papayas!"

"Ha ha!"

High in the skies above Nerima, Zarela was airlifting Hiroshi as they looked for signs of Ranma here and there, "I think they got Queklain."

"So what, he wasn't worth much, anyway," Hiroshi shrugged, "He was a loose cannon."

Far away from all of this, supposedly in safety, Ryoga glanced at a strange stone lying atop Kiyone's dresser.

Part 3: ...Ye not guilty!

Ryoga experienced a moment of vertigo. He knew what that was. But... how?

Unknown years ago... Hokkaido

"The subjects are responding nicely," Ryoga's grandfather had said.

"Indeed," Ryoga's mother had replied, "We don't have much time."

"Don't you have some remorse about this?"

"I have... misgivings... but He is far worse than this."

"So this is what you've been doing," a third, childish voice...

"What-What is that?"

"I'll be taking these, if you don't mind!"

A vision of four orbs.

"SECURITY!"

"Hurry, come with me if you want to live!"

"Alert the other facilities!"

His visual memory cleared. He was standing in a field with... four children that looked oddly familiar.

"You should be alright. If luck holds out, you won't see me again," the childish voice spoke.

Ryoga looked at the source.

"Ranma?" Ryoga grabbed the stone from the dresser. It was somehow connected to his family... but how? Could he trust some errant memory? Could he make it to the bathroom? He realized at this point that he was full of eggy mixture and desperately needed relief, dropping the stone and dashing away.

Mihoshi padded into Kiyone's room in interest.

The creature that burst through the wall behind the group appeared to be a frothingly deranged Happosai. Customers ran this way and that.

"Impossible!" Genma shouted as he waved his crutch defensively.

"What are you doing to my cafe?" Happologne hopped forward.

"Happosai!" the creature roared, spitting a voluminous ball of... something at Happologne.

Happologne was covered in a greenish yellow substance.

"..." Everyone paused.

"What the hell?"

Happologne reached for a nearby napkin and wiped the stuff from his/her/its face. Everywhere else, though, he/she/it was still covered.

Happologne lunged at the creature and the two were locked in mortal combat.

It was at this time that Shampoo happened in from the front entrance.

She immediately drew her bonbori and launched at the creature even as Karasuma's eldritch pig leapt.

Amon was firing wildly, trying to hit the creature and to heck with anyone else he happened to hit.

Genma ran out of the restaurant through the creature's makeshift entrance.

The creature grabbed Shampoo as she charged and flung her into the Cafe's kitchen with a crash," Aiyaa!"

Karasuma's pig butted the creature.

For the first time, the creature looked deadpan. Then it kicked the glowing pig through a wall.

Karasuma "humphed" in indignation as she drew her piece and opened fire.

Happologne leapt at the creature from the side only to be seized by the throat.

The creature emitted a growling laugh in triumph and proceeded past Amon and Karasuma as though they weren't even there and through the open exit.

"Halt!" a voice behind monster Happosai shouted.

Happologne turned to face Genma, decked out in his casts and crutch.

It laughed.

Genma reddened and dashed forward at an impossible speed and seemed to hit the creature from all sides at once.He threw away his crutch and made a triangle shape with his hands. He blurred and a furious flurry of apparent after images surrounded the monster. The wind from his revolutions lifted it from the ground, "Hurry! Dispatch it now!"

Amon dropped his pistols and drew a bazooka with a serious expression on his face, "Kampai!"

Boomf!

Ka BOOM!

Genma stopped moving and crouched as though in pain.

Something fell. It was...

"Happosai," Amon looked up to see the creature in tatters rising.

"Veni veni veni os!" The creature chanted, "Ne me mori facias!"

The crazed, frothing midget then struck a pose and cherry blossoms fluttered in from nowhere.

It landed and blew a kiss to Amon, who dropped his bazooka and began to be violently ill.

Shampoo emerged to witness the confusion, "?"

Genma recognized this as the dreaded "adorable cheesecake pose" maneuver. Only one person could be depraved enough to use it, "Cologne!"

Karasuma emerged, "You're just now getting that?"

Shampoo nodded, "I getting that looong ago."

"Who did you think we meant?" Karasuma shouted in disbelief.

Genma blinked and scratched his chin.

The creature took this opportunity to rip up a piece of concrete and hurl it at him.

Genma shattered it and rushed forward.

CRACK!

He'd aggravated his leg injury too much, "!"

Genma Saotome, Legendary Mad Martial Artist, fell flat on his face.

The creature spit up in Shampoo and Karasuma's direction, leaving them running for cover.

Amon wasn't so lucky. He'd smell funny for weeks.

Happologne rose and caught the creature in a choke hold. The creature glowed green for a second and tossed Happologne into a parked car.

"Hyeh hyeh, you've gotten out of hand," another Happosai landed from some unknown point in the sky and slapped a paper talisman onto the creature's forehead. Satisfied that he'd done his job, Happosai departed the same way he came.

Genma rose to one knee and stared in disbelief as the creature stood motionless.

Konatsu usually liked his job. Travel, adventure, and occasionally running into Haruko. His overlarge eyebrows fluttered a bit at the thought. He had a cool car, a cool vespa, a cool helicopter, a cool decoder ring. He was cool. And he'd pretty much laid down the law with Herb.

"Ultimate power will be mine," Herb whispered while clutching the broken stone.

Konatsu shivered at the memory. That's why he left the Legacy. He thought the Galactic Police would provide him with at least as much as the Legacy. And he wouldn't have to deal with Herb's senority. Technically, he now outranked Herb. His overlarge eyebrows fluttered at the thought.

He was driving in his expensive, cool car when a strange figure leapt out in front of him and punched the grill. Konatsu was too cool to wear a seatbelt. He flew through the windshield with a thoughtful expression.

The stange figure seemed to be a teenage boy in elaborate ninja garb. Yellow, blue, red, and black, "What great stealth colors," Konatsu thought as rose rose and drew his ninja-to. The ninja had obvious bionic implants.

"Kiyone!" Konatsu shouted into his sleeve, "Get Ryoga down here on the double!"

Kashin airlifted Ryoga, Mihoshi, and Kiyone to the site of a pitched battle between a bionically enhanced and flamboyantly dressed ninja and Konatsu.

"You're one of Herb's, I'll bet," Konatsu remarked with the air of a swashbuckler.

"You-are-in-co-rect," the ninja spoke in a synthesized voice, "I-am-my-own-in-stru-ment."

Ryoga punched the the street at an approximate 45 degree angle, sending a wave of concrete into the ninja.

The ninja was momentarily distracted by the wave, which gave Konatsu the chance to swipe at the ninja's neck with his blade. It broke on contact, "Oh sh-!"

The ninja swiveled around and cold cocked Konatsu.

He then turned back to Ryoga, "I-re-mem-ber-you."

Mihoshi and Kiyone looked at the puzzled Ryoga, "Uh, good! Then you know better to tangle with me."

"We-have-un-fin-ished-busi-ness," It adopted a fighting stance.

"What?" Ryoga snorted, "You've got to be kidding me. A robot ninja and I have unfinished business?"

"You-dis-grace-ed-me," It lunged at Ryoga.

Ryoga deftly dodged, "And how, pray tell, did I do that?"

"Sure-ly-you-re-mem-ber-your-great-est-en-e-my-Lan-Tsu?" the ninja asked.

"..." Ryoga scratched his chin, "Nope, doesn't ring a bell."

"Lies!" The robot grabbed Mihoshi and Kiyone, "I-will-now-kill-your-wo-men."

Ryoga yawned and punched a hole into Lan-Tsu's chest.

"Why-me?" It dropped.

So did the stone Mihoshi had been carrying.

"Promise..."

"What?"

"Promise me..."

"Anything!"

"Good. I am Adramelk. The Devil."

Energy erupted from the stone and the figure of Lan-Tsu turned black as night for a second. Then Lan-Tsu stood, apparently unchanged.

"I am the Ghost of Fury," He laughed, "And I have actually found a more suitable body than my own." The stone plugged the hole in his chest.

"Wait!" A light bulb flickered on in Ryoga's head, "I beat you up in middle school!"

"Correct," Adramelk growled.

"But... what kind of a jerk lives his life under a middle school grudge?" Ryoga snorted derisively, "That's just stupid!"

"Feel my fury!" The energy crackled around Adramelk again.

Ryoga's eyes widened, "Run! RUN NOW!"

Mihoshi grabbed Kiyone's arm and dragged her away even as Kiyone drew her pistol.

Kashin dashed toward Ryoga.

There was a flash, then hundreds of energy bolts flew in every direction, shredding buildings and fleeing pedestrians.

"No! Kashin! Protect them!" Ryoga shouted as his eyes began to glow.

The robot complied, stopping as many bolts as possible.

Ryoga punched Adramelk with as much force as possible.

Adramelk staggered, "You! You are the only one I want!"

Ryoga growled and ran, "Then come and get me!"

He passed under an overpass, Adramelk on his heels. People were evacuating their cars and running for their lives as Ryoga and Adramelk leapt from car to car. Adramelk was moving slower, destroying everything he touched, "You will not be able to save them all!"

Adramelk was under the overpass.

"Oh!" Ryoga spat before lift up an empty truck and throwing it at Adramelk, who deflected it into the overpass above him. The entire overpass flashed red for a moment before it fell on Adramelk. Ryoga grimaced.

A massive explosion threw the entire street they were on into disarray. Vehicles flew everywhere as minature tornados kicked up.

Elsewhere, Queklain was hanging from Furinkan's flagpole, "Dere will be bowlcuts for dis! You be hearin me! Don't turn away, keikis!"

A vision passed before Queklain's eyes and he suddenly tore free from the pole.

"As it is written in the Book of Rage, so shall it be!"

He then struck a pose and grew to enormous proportions.

"Now all you keikis be runnin away, eh?" Queklain laughed, "well, dat won't be savin you from de bowlcut!" Queklain brandished an electric razor. Granted, it was a huge electric razor, but...

"Big K! Showtime!" a voice shouted.

A giant black robot emerged from under the tennis court. It had a red crest and huge fists. Its eyes glowed faintly blue. The cockpit area was shielded by red plating. It slowly stomped toward Queklain.

"Sir! The weapons aren't installed yet!"

"That doesn't change anything."

"You only have five minutes of power!"

"Acknowledged."

Big K stomped toward Queklain and slammed a mighty fist into it.

Queklain staggered before, "Nightmare!"

The gas had no effect on Big K.

The mech uppercutted Queklain with its right fist and then grabbed it with its left to prevent Queklain from falling into the houses behind him.

Queklain warded Big K off with its shaver and gloated, "You bin a bad robot. Mebbe you be needin de bowlcut?"

Big K answered with a right hook. Then it grabbed Queklain's shaver and crushed it.

"Dat not good."

Big K chambered his right arm. A cylander extended and the arm lashed forward. The cylander depressed when the fist made solid contact to Queklain's head.

Queklain was sent whirling through the air, well out of Tokyo, "IIII'lllll beeee baaaaa-"

The Robot struck a pose. Then it ceased functioning.

Hiroshi let out a sigh of relief. He'd need Shin to charge it again just to move it someplace it could be hidden.

Elsewhere...

Ryoga tried to catch the flying people, but Adramelk was right. He couldn't save them all.

He managed to save seven. Only seven.

Ryoga's eyes teared and he roared unearthily and shot at the now revealed Adramelk, battering him apart with a ferocity he had never felt before.

In moments he had downed Adramelk.

"You killed all the people! You were solely responsible," Ryoga stood over the battered form, "and now you are going to die!"

"Yes. Feel the righteous fury!"

Ryoga chambered his fist.

"Bring down the wicked with the heat of a thousand suns!"

He gritted his teeth through his tears.

"She will not go unavenged!"

Ryoga's fist shot forward.

"Ha ha ha! For you are the chosen one!"

Kiyone shivered. Mihoshi tried to comfort her, but Kiyone heard nothing, "I think something terrible is about to be born on this planet."

Ryoga tore the accursed stone from Lan-Tsu's chest and hurled it as far away as he could. He then stood and walked away, his bandanna fluttering to the ground. The ninja raised a hand and fired a single bolt at Ryoga.

Somewhere, a door that had almost opened locked closed.

AN 4/27/05: It was Ranma's fault.


	15. Chapter 17: The Engines Cannae Handle It...

Disclaimer: Observe the carven image on Ngranek. That shall lead you to where your answer lies.

The Inner Demon

Chapter 17: The Engines Cannae Handle It!

Tofu rubbed his chin as he observed the writhing form imprisoned before him, "Well, that's two problems dealt with."

Part 1: The Woe at Nerima Ward

Tuesday... No word on what was to become of Nerima ward's Furinkan High School's students. The principal had gone (more) insane and somehow disfigured himself horribly. Rather, the student body claimed he had the horrific body of some kind of monster. Even teachers acquiesced that the Principal Kouchou (his legal name, redundant as that might be) Kuno was not himself.

Probably the inquisitive Inspector Togusa would have investigated further if a stange man dressed all in black hadn't claimed jurisdiction. The incident would sometime in future years vanish. That was the way things happened every few years when "the man in black" pulled jurisdiction in Nerima. Not that anyone believed the weird things that happened in Nerima anyway. "Just the people are strange is all"

Anyway, the school was left with a ruined tennis court and no principal. After the man in black and his mysterious cohorts were done with their investigation, there was little evidence other that the uncertain memories of the crisis. The man ceded jurisdiction back to the police, claiming that there was insufficient evidence to mount a case on their level.

The elder investigators knew it was fruitless to even try to bring charges of even tampering with evidence against the people in black. They were like the faceless extensions of some entity that merely allowed the people of Tokyo, no, the world to exist as they did. They had no permanent names and no residence. No identities to correspond with faces unremarkable, forgettable, and possibly only seen once in a given inspector's life.

Togusa, however, did not balk at such a thing.

Part 2: Tofu's Dilemma

Tofu only had this one last day to convert his crazed, writhing captive into the Magical Pretty Princess. He had brief periods of giddiness that almost caused him to run screaming in a random direction.

On top of this, Kodachi and Kasumi had been so drained from constant fighting that they'd finally been injured yesterday. Kuno was off God only knows where doing God only knows what and Haruko was no help at all. It was all he could do to keep her busy to stop her from wrecking his efforts.

Thank God no "Demonoids" had shown up. Quite frankly, he found that charade to be less than entertaining. He honestly had difficulty distinguishing whether any given monster was a "demonoid" or something cooked up by one of Ranma's devices. Really, Tofu didn't even see the point in all of this stupidity.

He'd come to understand that while these people were truly reincarnations of spiritually powerful people from the distant past, they were not slated to ever awaken in this life. Their "awakenings" were artificially stimulated for dubious purposes. Tofu privately wondered if all of the people he'd guided were no more than puppets of the Legacy.

"Ruurrggh!" the sailor's would be leader growled and thrashed, snatching Tofu from reverie.

Akane had walked to school that morning in vain. There was a small crowd of students and some police and strange people dressed like that man that had come looking for Mr. Saotome last Sunday. She walked up to the nearest one innocently enough and asked, "May I speak to Mr. Mousse?"

The man she'd asked turned to her with a fairly nondescript expression. His eyes betrayed no understanding of her question, almost as if something else had caught his attention. Akane realized he was blind.

"You..." The man gazed at her with his unseeing eyes, "I see you."

A cold shiver ran down Akane's spine and she backed right into another black clad figure with a start.

She turned, "S-sorry!"

She looked ordinary at first... then Akane realized that she had a strange birthmark on her cheek that was not immediately noticeable.

Akane gazed, transfixed by... something... no... that wasn't a birthmark... it was...

"Ms. Tendo."

Akane's trance broke and she immediately forgot what she'd been thinking.

Amon Mousse spoke to his subordinates, "Prometheus, Matrix, prepare our transport."

They made their way past the police and through the school entrance.

"Who.. What were they?" Akane asked Amon, grateful for a normal person.

"They?" Amon seemed faintly surprised by the question, "Ah. But of course, you're Soun's daughter. They are my... coworkers."

That explanation was enough for Akane, who would never forget...

"I don't suppose you know anymore about the dreaded Kamaitachi than your peers?" Amon asked with something approaching, but not quite reaching, curiousity.

"say, akane?Do you know what a kamaitachi is?"

"I-I can't say," Akane stammered. Amon looked unconvinced.

"Very well. I can not say for certain when your school will be reopening its doors," Amon spoke, "An unsavory infestation was found and we deemed it to be none of the police's concern."

"An infestation?" Akane was puzzled.

"Of sorts. In the walls," It sounded almost as if Amon were fishing for information.

"Well, I don't know anything about that, I've never seen a cockroach."

"Here is my card," Amon held out a rectangular card with nothing but a phone number and an odd diagram on it, "Call me if something jogs your memory, will you?"

Akane took the card and blinked when she examined the diagram.

Part 1: The Woe at Nerima Ward

Inspector Togusa was not a superstitious man. He was not given to believe in such rubbish as ghosts and demons and such preposterous junk. He had been transferred to Nerima only recently and had been regarded almost with amusement by the elder policemen in this respect. He'd known full well that Nerima was a haven for folklore concerning bizarre foreigners and mystics, but, as previously stated, he didn't believe in such rubbish.

That said, the people that followed the Man in Black were truly spooky. Sometimes he would see them here and there, flitting about without ever sprinting. Togusa reasoned that there were probably trap doors and such littering Furinkan High School that the criminal Kouchou Kuno had installed.

Kuno was well documented at headquarters. Togusa had often asked why he had never been brought up with charges. The elder investigators found the idea amusing. They told him that as long as Kuno didn't run for office, he was going to be ignored.

Nevertheless, Togusa continued to dig up evidence over the months since he'd been assigned. The Hinako thing, Togusa had thought, would surely bring the department into action. No such luck.

He had evidence dating back years into the police records. There wasn't even an attempt at a coverup. It was like no one with the power to bring the man to justice cared enough to do anything. The man had started out eccentric and become borderline psychopathic, and there were witnesses of all ages who would willingly corroborate.

Togusa took the initiative and interviewed these witnesses in the records. The teachers and most of the students still at Furinkan were easy to track, but most'd given into despair and accepted their situation. Since most of the students had bad discipline records at other schools, they really had nowhere else to go. The teachers seemed almost to be held hostage, themselves. There was no evidence that directly implied beyond a reasonable doubt that Kouchou Kuno had made any attempts at blackmail and extortion toward the teachers to make them stay, but it was clear that they were afraid to leave Furinkan.

Maybe if Togusa hadn't been so intent on busting Kuno, he'd take this bizarre disappearance as a blessing and be content. He just couldn't let sleeping dogs lie.

Part 2: Tofu's Dilemma

Akane looked up from the odd diagram. Everyone was gone and it had gotten dark all of a sudden. She looked down at the card and found the diagram gone. Odd... she couldn't even remember very clearly what it had looked like. She shivered and put the card in her satchel and headed home, uncertain of what exactly transpired.

Tofu had given up on conventional methods. He'd basically realized that there was no way he'd be able to undo the damage that the years had done to the woman. So he implanted a special microchip behind her left ear and called his work finished. Now he'd just have to find Hotsuma and vanish to London before he was missed. Piece of cake. But he'd never see Kasumi again. That might be a good thing, when he considered what they'd do to her.

He left the now sleeping form propped in a chair and opened one of the secret doors in his clinic. Inside that pocket dimension was Hotsuma.

The formerly battered ninja stood and nodded. The pocket dimension's time was such that anyone that entered spent an "instant eternity" in it. Effectively, they went about life normally and possibly die. However, if the door is opened at any point, the time periods containing healthiest versions (mentally and physically) of the people inside would merge into this time period. A useful tool when one is treating patients that shouldn't exist.

Hotsuma and Tofu left quietly, cloaked in the shadows of the night. If Tofu had timed his entrance into Hotsuma's pocket dimension earlier that day correctly, he ought to be able to travel back twelve hours and catch a plane out of Japan. If not, well, at least the Magical Pretty Princess (or a decent facsimile thereof) would be able to take his place as the leader of the sailors.

Haruko watched Tofu and Hotsuma exit the clinic and, her curiousity piqued, followed.

Hours earlier...

Hiroshi, Shin, Gosunkugi, Ken, Yusuke, Goemon, and Zarela stood in an immense cavern, roughly a mile under Furinkan. Big K stood motionless in the back of the spacious cave. The three junior members of Ranma's organization eyed Zarela with fear and distrust.

Zarela was a thing of nightmare, standing only at about human height, but he had cylandrical protrusions where eyes should be. His skin was a hideous shade of reddish pink and his gaping maw of a mouth made a toothless grin, even though the solemn voice was like that of the grave. He floated on bat wings which produced a slight, charnel wind. His other appendages protruded from that discolored wormlike body almost as if added in afterthought. They were skeletal.

"Some outside agency seized our base while we were down here," Shin reported with a salute to Hiroshi, who, for some unexplained reason, was wearing a cape and horned cowl. Shin had just taken the secret elevator from the spacious cave to an innocent looking birdbath to gather information.

This was the Big K's hangar.

"Indeed," Hiroshi nodded solemnly with a flourish of his cape.

"This is Queklain's fault," Zarela spoke in his awful voice, "Do you want me to hunt him down?"

"No," Hiroshi spoke with a dramatic stare into the distance, "Queklain is finished. Adramelk ought to be on his trail as we speak."

"Adramelk is..." Zarela began.

"A traitor, just like Queklain?" Hiroshi gave a cold laugh, "Not exactly. Queklain has no ally now. Our enemies will catch him, and Adramelk will catch our enemies. Two birds with one stone."

"Then what do we do now?" Ken piped up.

"We wait for King Arthur, of course," Hiroshi turned away and headed for the secret bunker.

Part 1: The Woe at Nerima Ward

Wednesday... Togusa's investigation at Furinkan continued. He was present in every phase of the search, which itself was only pursued at his insistance, and performed some rather sophisticated search techniques himself. As wild as it seemed to him, he couldn't shake the notion that there WAS something there, somewhere, beckoning him. Taunting him to find it, it that couldn't be found.

Make no mistake, Inspector Togusa invested no belief in the occult and was not keen on "intuition", but when he _did_ get hunches, he usually followed them almost compulsively, almost to justify the illogical impulses they inspired. If the hunch preceded evidence, that could be ignored as a failure in memory.

Every locker was opened, every door, every panel and wall was investigated. Nothing turned up. Indeed, some evidence that logically should remain, such as the ruined tennis court, was missing as though never acted upon or brought to exist. Some evidence clearly existed, but clashed with the evidence that was so apparent until the people in black arrived and did their own scouring. Sure, Togusa had to admit that the story that the new evidence told was much more plausible, but Togusa was not willing to believe that he'd had a stroke obscure his memory when he was not even yet middle aged.

Part 2: Tofu's Dilemma

It was late Tuesday evening when Tofu had pulled his "pocket watch" out while in front of the airport. He'd bought a ticket for the early morning flight after his notice to go stealth in three days. He'd made sure to be tending Hotsuma during the roughly three hours it would take to reach his destination.

If you don't care about the "physics" of Tofu's time travelling, skip the next two paragraphs.

Tofu's "pocket watch" was Legacy standard equipment for designated time travellers. Twelve hours into the future or into the past, maximum. It was powered by the interaction of two singularities. One was a black hole, and the other was an antimatter object that repulsed matter and light in the way the black hole attracted it. To avoid any messy consequences should the "watch" be damaged, the singularities were housed in a pocket dimension. The watch merely controlled the pocket dimension in such a way as to alter the forces to allow time travel twelve hours in either direction and establish an appropriate distance between the user(s) and the center of the Earth and the sun. By this way, one needn't worry about being imbedded in a mountain or in space or underwater due to rotation of the planet or movement of the solar system. Of course, the distortions in the timeline had to be carefully controlled. The watch was incapable of the manipulations required to excite the singularities' balance to the point of traveling more than twelve hours.

There were, of course, important rules to be followed in time travel. The consciousness of a given sentient can not exist twice in the same instant. The outcome of this is never 100 certain, but it often results in the destruction of the older version(although it is uncertain _what_ actually happens, the entire mass of the older version vanishes, leaving nothing that did not already exist in the past. A past copy and a future copy can, however, coexist in the present, provided that the present copy is not currently in the same timeline.). Only sentient matter and closely thought of paraphenalia can be drawn into the flux that is created. Matter that time travels without passing through a singularity or rip (for instance, the flux around the agitated interaction of a black hole and a repulsion object is not really a singularity or rip) will leave behind "shadow matter" that warps light around it and is generally inert, indestructable, and partially lacking in inertia(it only moves when acted upon and will not continue to move when not actively being lifted or pushed). If the traveller (not a past self) is ever present at a time when his/her shadow matter exists, the shadow matter will become redundant and transform into a rip to the time destination that the traveller travelled to in the act that created it. This can be avoided by travelling via fifth dimensional space or a pocket dimension or alternate reality, but the watch circumvents this by the transport of extradimensional matter equal to twice the matter being transported. The shadow and extradimensional matter interact to produce a "goo" that evaporates and eventually returns to the space the ED matter came from. Half of the extradimensional matter (which is equivalent to the mass transported) remains in place until the traveller returns, at which point it evaporates harmlessly.

Summary: He can go forward or back in time 12 hours in a complex and dangerous process. The license is a bit harder to get that a driver's license, in other words.

Tofu and Hotsuma stood in position and the good doctor began to twist the hands of the "watch".

A bright flash of light dazzled their eyes as a whirling ball of red, black, and a spatula flew from a distant rooftop and opened up to land nimbly on two white booted feet.

"Oh no," Tofu groaned.

"Hiya," Haruko unslung her spatula, "Goin somewhere?"

Wednesday Again.

Akane checked the school again. The police were still blocking the entrance, but the weird men were gone. She thought for a moment about the various calamities and other weird events that had hit recently. Both Ranma and Genma had vanished and now things were just too calm. It was like the wake of some horrible natural disaster.

The worst part was probably that it still felt like the disaster was hitting. Like this was all a part of it. She suddenly felt an impulse to examine Ranma and Genma's room. Granted, Genma had slept downstairs whenever he'd felt that Ranma was no danger, as absurd as the thought of Ranma being a danger to anything except himself, possibly.

She raced home as though that basically abandoned room was going to vanish suddenly or something.

Part 1: The Woe at Nerima Ward

Togusa had basically given up at this point. There was nothing in Furinkan high school to suggest that anything other than what the people in black had reported had happened had happened.

He thought for a moment as he surveyed the final cursory sweep and decided to order a wider search under the ostensible reasoning that the Furinkan students that were missing could well be hidden in the immediate area. It was a long shot, since Nerima was a place of such random activity that kidnapped students could scarcely be held in one place for very long. Furinkan was, after all, known for its problem students.

It happened that as he was examining an oddly placed mailbox that a secret panel gave way and he found himself hurtling into a dark abyss. The rectangle of daylight shrank and then vanished as he soon lay sliding at a downward angle against a slimy, wet passage. Looking over to his right, he noticed in an inexplicable dim phosphorescence that there was another, much larger ramp that could concievably accomodate a titan.

Looking back to the end of his ramp, he saw an opening of reddish light. Ghastly laughter echoed from it as he slid into crimson oblivion.

Part 2: Tofu's dilemma

Akane tried to gently open the door. It was locked. Odd. Why would the door be locked? She slid her eyes to the left and right, to make sure that none of the others were near, then broke the locking mechanism with an abrupt turn of the wrist.

"If Kasumi ever shows up," Akane thought with a grimace, "She won't like this."

She opened the door slowly and peered in.

The room looked perfectly normal. No damage at all. No evidence that it had ever been damaged. This peculiarity, however, was of little consequence. An unfamiliar woman was bent over and apparently searching through something.

Akane entered the room as quietly as possible.

The woman turned.

She had piercing red irised eyes. Not so strange by color as by the way they seemed to see more of you than could be seen.

The woman grimaced and vanished with an electronic buzzing.

Akane was momentarily startled, then she looked down at the object the woman had been observing.

It was that dirty gi that Ranma had worn when Genma and Ranma had arrived.

Akane took a deep breath.

Waves of expectant terror washed over her as she approached it through the sparse room and bent down to look at it more closely.

What?

She was being PULLED IN!

Some force took hold.

A starry vacuum of nebulous color reached out and grabbed her as she fell out of existance.

Haruko leapt at Tofu just as the man hastily pressed the button on the watch, "Yer not goin anywhere, bud!"

She grabbed him at that instant. She, Tofu, and Hotsuma hurtled flailingly through a multicolored span, laden with images of the past few hours.

"You fool!" Tofu choked the words out, "Idiot! You've caused an imbalance! We're going to die!"

Hotsuma thrashed in helplessness.

Haruko, "What?"

"The sudden change in mass! We'll fall short of our destination, and we'll die!"

The cascade of colors stopped abruptly with a flash and the trio stood in front of the airport in broad daylight. Another Haruko happened to traipse about, stopping in time to witness a scene she'd take to her grave.

Somewhere, Dr. Ono Tofu stepped out of a pocket dimension. That dimension equalized with the current time stream.

"!" Tofu reached out as if warding some horrible beast. Then the color of his body and clothing drained and he stood stark still. He become fibrous and inert, then simply unravelled into threads that evaporated in the wind.

Haruko, in panic, turned to Hotsuma. There was no Hotsuma.

The other Haruko was being pulled toward the distortion that hadn't yet closed.

Then everything went black.

Part 3: Angelus Errare

Togusa witnessed the winged monstrosity and was consumed in ululant noncomprehension.

No eyes? Gaping blasphemously smiling maw! Skeletal appendages? AND the hideous bat wings that beat with an unholy and unknown impetus that endlessly compelled them to flap and send a deathly breeze of horrid odor by his senses! Stench was visible! Wind had taste!

Akane came to her senses in a subterranean nightmare cavern in which a monster of some kind seemed to prey upon a helpless, screaming man.

Velius urged Gosunkugi into the Big K's hanger (Hiroshi and Shin were having Big K tuned in a special backup lab). Gosunkugi was puzzled to see his crush, Akane and some strange man with Zarela.

Zarela was in a fury of flaps and screeching quasi laughter. He felt as though he were being torn in two, "No! It is a logical impossibility! An error!"

"Calm down, Zarela!" Hiroshi commanded with a flourish of his bat cape as he made a dramatic entrance. Shin followed grudgingly in a Robin costume.

Zarela instantly ceased motions and sounds and turned to Hiroshi in utter calm.

"Aaah Aaah Aaah Aaah Aaah!" Togusa continued screaming between breaths.

"Will someone shut him up?" Hiroshi, irked, pointed at the hysterical man.

Gosunkugi shrugged and padded toward Togusa and gave him a hard slap.

Togusa quieted for a second with a shocked expression, then, "Aaah Aaah Aaah Aaah!"

Gosunkugi looked at Hiroshi, who simply shrugged. He turned back to Togusa and repeatedly kicked him. Eventually Togusa curled up into a ball and started crying softly.

"That's enough!" Akane took a determined step forward, consciously ignoring Zarela.

"Akane!" Gosunkugi's eyes glazed over and he began mumbling incoherently.

Akane turned to Hiroshi, "And what are you supposed to be?"

Hiroshi spread his cape and exposed the extremely detailed batman costume, "Isn't it obvious?"

"No."

"..." Hiroshi tromped away dejectedly.

Shin sighed, "Zarela, what's the matter?"

"I...," Zarela spoke with a tone of the utmost gravity, "Had a bowel movement!"

"..."

"And...?"

"Look at me!" Zarela gestured with his skeleton arms, "Does _this _look like it should have bowel movements?"

"Point taken. Is that all?" Shin deadpanned.

"Oh, well, there is a temporal disturbance," Zarela spoke with what might be called a yawn, "The world is ending, some such thing. I wasn't going to bother you with such trivialities."

"Oh. Well," Shin produced a sheet of notebook paper that was covered in insane scrawlings and diagrams, "The Kamaitachi left instructions in case of the Apocalypse. Evidently we need a chocolate cake, a length of hose, and three cats covered in duct tape... wait, this's upside down..."

"You know the Kamaitachi?" Akane's heart skipped a beat as she pointed furiously at Shin.

"Yes," Shin answered before turning to Zarela, "Does this apocalypse taste more puce or loud?"

"Who is he?" Akane shouted impatiently.

"Ranma," Shin answered with exasperation.

"Tell me now or so help me, I'll...!"

"Ranma is the Kamaitachi."

"What about Ranma?"

"He's the Kamaitachi."

"Who's the Kamaitachi!"

"Ranma."

"If you won't tell me, then I'm gonna clobber you!"

"... You're really sick, you know that?" Shin spoke before turning back to Zarela and trying to ascertain the taste of the apocalypse.

Akane lunged at Shin, but was stopped dead still when Gosunkugi somehow managed to grapple and check her.

"Sorry about this, Akane," Gosunkugi muttered.

"?"

Zarela pointed at Akane, "She is the only one left that can go where she is needed to go and prevent this from happening."

"Are you sure?" Shin asked, doubtfully.

"Absolutely. She is several hours younger than she should be. Judging by her impressions, I'd say that this aging stasis took place yesterday. No doubt. None," Zarela the abomination approached the Akane, "Let her go."

Gosunkugi complied, even as he deftly stole a lock of Akane's hair.

"I am going to send you back in time to the point in space-time in which you temporarily vanished from the four dimensions as you humans know them. You will find yourself in a semi dissolved time stream. Some sort of paradox has been created that is gradually eating time. Sooner or later, this might be corrected, but there is no telling what will be absolutely destroyed in the meantime. I suspect your friend, Haruko, is the first casualty," Zarela explained.

"Haruko?" Akane asked incredulously, "Who is Haruko?"

"Exactly," Zarela continued, "If you don't hurry, it is possible, nay, likely that most of Nerima will be annihilated from time as though it had never existed."

"What do I do?" Akane asked, not sure of herself.

"You must find the source of the disruption. And quickly," Zarela spoke gravely, "When fifth dimensional 'time' runs out, it will be too late. All that will be consumed will have been consumed."

"Well, what do I do about the 'disruption'?"

"That is a tricky question, normally a paradox will not result in things such as this. I would suggest finding and killing Haruko prior to the instance of the paradox. Failing that, you must enter the distortion at ground zero and hope for the best."

"How will I recognize this 'Haruko'?"

"Ssh! We have no more time to waste!" Zarela clasped his hands such as they were and raised them to his hideously smiling maw and began to chant in some unholy language, "Tulips, dedsilop, SOCCER MOM! I Beseech the Radical Bunny of the lesser artillery!" Zarela put a rabbit doll hand puppet on his skeletal hand and danced around spastically.

A fairy evil glow emanated from him and the entire world seemed to melt away into waves of energy. Only Akane and Zarela existed in the energy field.

"Remember these words and the dance, for they might be your only savior," Zarela said before handing the bunny to Akane.

"..." Akane took the bunny from the abomination's hand even as it faded away, "I hate Nerima so much."

The energy cleared, leaving Akane standing holding her books and the strange card with the diagram. It was night... this was the moment she'd awakened yesterday! The diagram on the card shifted and she noticed that everything seemed to move backward. There was also a strange white fog drifting that definitely wasn't there last time. She reached out to touch some, only to find it hard and seemingly statically charged.

"Too strange," Akane looked around to see the sky gradually lightening.

",cinilc s'ufot fo edistuo si okuraH" a voice echoed in her head.

Akane glanced around and thought she saw Ranma running backwards toward her from the direction of Tofu's clinic. He passed through her harmlessly and further down the sidewalk. His eyes, however, watched her as he passed.

"I understand," Akane nodded as she dashed toward Dr. Tofu's, dropping her books and the strangely diagrammed card.

In mere moments she arrived to see nothing particularly unusual. Then she saw Dr. Tofu and some strange man walking backwards rapidly, then entering the clinic.

Akane was about to follow when she heard some kind of shuffling. It was at this moment that Akane realized that she hadn't actually "heard" anything until now. She leapt to the roof of the clinic's building and saw an image of a red head with strange yellow irises edging backwards stealthily to a passage into the building.

"That must be Haruko," Akane muttered to herself as she pondered how she could dispatch a seemingly non-corporeal being.

Haruko's eyes suddenly seemed to lock onto Akane. Time literally stood still.

Haruko stood and spoke directly to Akane, "So, you're a time traveller of some sort, eh? I guess that explains why you disappear all the time." She looked friendly enough.

"Do we know each other?" Akane asked innocently enough.

"Hah!" Haruko laughed abruptly, "I should hope so, since we're livin' in the same house."

Akane blinked.

"Yeah, I got a claim on yer buddy Saotome, but I'll let you have 'im when I'm done," Haruko chuckled.

Time seemed to start slowly going forward again.

"I'm here to stop you," Akane took a fighting stance. She'd be damned if this nut was going to lay a hand on Ranma.

"Yo, you serious? Arright," Haruko drew an overlarge spatula and also took a fighting stance. She rushed at Akane with a furious volley of swipes, which Akane managed to just barely dodge. Then, as Akane chambered a fist, Haruko slapped her upside the head with the flat of the spatula.

Akane stumbled back as Haruko made a celebratory guitar motion with the spatula.

"Arg!" Akane made a reckless charge for Haruko.

At the last instant, Haruko seemed to hear something strange in the distance and her expression turned feral, "That SOB is going to skip town!" Haruko gut punched Akane and let her slump to the ground before leaving to follow the emerging figures of Dr. Tofu and Hotsuma.

Akane came to in only about a minute (seemingly) after the punch. She was seething with rage and leapt from rooftop to rooftop in hot pursuit, ignorant of the gathering static white clouds.

In only the span of minutes (Now time seemed almost to speed up) she arrived at the airport. Tofu was fiddling with a watch or something and Haruko was leaping at him. Akane growled and followed suit.

Akane found herself floating in some kind of corridor or conduit flashing with every color of the rainbow and laden with images of the past few hours. She was alone.

"What?" Akane looked around fearfully, "I was right with them!"

Zarela appeared as almost a spec in the distance in the direction opposite her motion, "Their consciousnesses in this conduit passed through a day ago in fifth dimensional 'time'. When you arrive at the destination point, STOP ALL MOTION! Find the paradox and eliminate it."

"Easier said than done," Akane thought as she looked away. There was a flash of light and she found herself standing in the clear day. She was at the airport. Time was still moving faster than it should be. A seeming moment passed and there was another flash of light.

She looked around and saw Haruko, Tofu, and the guy in the ninja costume had appeared the same way she had. Another Haruko arrived in the distance, rushing toward the scene.

Everything stopped.

"You'd think that she'd never have come here, since she obviously could not both come here now and follow Tofu then," Ranma's voice echoed in her mind, "Please remember that someone is altering temporal events to intentional cause a paradox, whatever else happens."

Akane looked around, but didn't see the source, "Argh!" She looked more closely at the scene. Tofu had an expression of pure horror that tugged at Akane's heart. Haruko looked confused. The other Haruko was frozen in a sprint toward that very spot. Okay. So the "paradox" must be the two Harukos? How on earth was she going to deal with this?

"Ah! Tis the fair Akane!" a woman's voice sounded.

A figure landed from some unknown point in the air directly in from of her.

The figure stood and brushed herself off. She had lengthy raven hair, intense eyes, and an ample figure.

Akane wasn't sure if she was more confused, angry, or jealous at this point.

"Wilt thou not at least acknowledge me?" the woman seemed almost pleading.

"Who are you?"

"Ah. This," The woman looked down at herself in disgust, "The pervert only agreed to train me like this." She looked up hopefully, "Yet surely even now I radiate an aura of manliness that overshadows these... disabilities?"

"...?" Akane took a cautionary step backwards, then, "Kuno."

"At your service, madam," the woman bowed, which, incidentally, gave a flash of breast under the kendo robes. Kuno-chan stood upright, "I hath dwelt hither for nigh unto three years, by my count. I neither hunger, nor do I thirst. Yet always do I practice my swordsmanship for the day when the pervert midget sees fit to come looking for me."

"Okay...," Akane shook her head, "I think I need your help. What is going on here?"

"Ah. Yes. I'm been to this moment in sixth dimensional time frequently, I don't have much to do, after all, being trapped in the sixth dimension. Did I tell you that I'm trapped in the sixth dimension, because I am," Kuno-chan gave a somewhat crazed laugh, "Ah yes, well. This is approaching the 'moment' when the timeline will be damaged by that girl over there," Kuno-chan pointed at the other Haruko, "And this girl here," Kuno-chan pointed at the first Haruko, "And you are going to try to stop it, but you'll fail. No matter what I tell you to do!" Kuno-chan gave another crazed laugh, "probably because I'm not manly enough yet."

"Pull yourself together!" Akane grabbed Kuno-chan, "Tell me what I tried the other times!"

Kuno-chan looked apprehensive, "Alright, you've tried killing each of them, breaking the watch, blowing up the airport, destroying the clinic, burning down Furinkan, trying to consort with monsters and even you have tried to jump into the distortion."

"Nothing worked?"

"Nothing achieved any result as to correct the paradox that will kill our Nerima, no."

Akane felt frustrated. Her life had been ruined for no good reason. She hated Nerima, she hated Furinkan, she hated Kuno, and she hated Genma Saotome most of all, "Wait! I jumped into the distortion?"

"Er, yes, after you restarted fourth dimensional time relative to the fifth dimension," Kuno-chan looked nervous.

"Oh? And how do I do that?"

"Why bother, when you can live with me for all of eternity?" Kuno-chan asked hopefully.

"You caused this, didn't you?" Akane narrowed her eyes.

"Hahahaha!" Kuno-chan laughed, "No, but I took good advantage of it, didn't I? Oh well, you'll fail this time too, then I can get more manly and woo you next time."

"I don't think so," Akane stated angrily. Time restarted as she grabbed hold of Kuno angrily. Kuno was pulled back into the fourth dimension along with her.

"Nooooo!" Kuno-chan seemed desperate to get away, "This isn't supposed to happen!"

Somewhere, Dr. Ono Tofu stepped out of a pocket dimension. That dimension equalized with the current time stream.

"!" Tofu reached out as if warding some horrible beast. Then the color of his body and clothing drained and he stood stark still. He become fibrous and inert, then simply unravelled into threads that evaporated in the wind.

Haruko, in panic, turned to Hotsuma. There was no Hotsuma.

The other Haruko was being pulled toward the distortion that hadn't yet closed.

Akane leapt into the distortion even as the other Haruko was snared, dragging Kuno-chan in tow.

There was a cascade of colors. Another Kuno, much more like the one she'd seen a few days ago was floating through the cascade and grabbed hold of the elder Kuno as the group flew through the cascade. They shortly landed in a white space.

"Where are we?" one of the Harukos asked.

"We're in the temporal oblivion," Tofu shuddered.

"Temporal oblivion?" the other Haruko asked.

"An extradimensional space into which dimensional 'garbage' is sent," Tofu elaborated.

"Well, shouldn't there be at least a few me here?" Akane kept the older Kuno in her field of vision.

Tofu blinked, "Akane?"

"Long story," Akane looked around. One Tofu, One ninja guy, Two Harukos, Elder Kuno,and Younger Kuno, "I'm here to rescue you."

"Aren't you a little short to be a stormtrooper?" one of the Harukos asked with a chuckle.

"What?" Akane looked at that Haruko as though she'd sprouted a second head.

"Idiot!" the other Haruko elbowed the first Haruko, "She's never seen Star Wars before!"

"Perhaps I am the more likely Hero?" the younger Kuno stood.

"Surely though, I am the man that deserves the title of hero!" the elder Kuno rose.

The younger Kuno gave the elder an appraising look, "I would not wish to cause harm to one so fair for jesting at my expence, but I must ask that you cease and desist."

"For one of such youth, naivete is to be expected," The elder Kuno puffed out her chest, "To any experienced eye it is clear that I am the superior swordsman!"

"Ah! Thou hast caught mine essence entirely," younger Kuno seemed enthralled, "Indeed, thou must adore me to emulate me so well!"

"Indeed, I do find thy manner most apropos for a swordsman of my stature," the elder Kuno seemed to appraise the younger.

"God, this is too weird," Akane turned to the Harukos, who were laughing uncontrollably, "Which of you is from Tuesday evening?"

Both paled and pointed at the other.

"Okay," Akane deadpanned, "Which of you is from the morning?"

Both paled and pointed at the other.

"I'm going to kill the one from the morning," Akane stated.

"I'm evening Haruko, great for fine dining!" One Haruko stood panicking

"No! I am! I'm great for nightclubs and bar hopping!" The other shouted.

"Wait, wait, wait," Akane waved her hands, "I'm going to ask you a question that only the older Haruko could know the answer to: What happened on the rooftop? Whisper the answer to me."

Akane listened to both answers, then konked one over the head with a loud crack, "That settles that."

"Incredible! You knew which one would be nonessential to the new timeline that would emerge as a result of the corrections that you can perform!" Tofu was deeply impressed.

Akane reddened at the attention, "Er, well, actually, I just hated the night one more because she gut punched me. And she spit in my ear."

The other Haruko had a fearful expression on her face, "You-you're a lunatic!"

"Yeah, that's right," Akane said as she grabbed the younger Kuno (without looking behind her for fear of what she might see) and gestured to the other Haruko, "I need you two to fix the problem."

"You know what you're doing?" Haruko asked as she looked around at the white void.

"Exactly," Akane nodded, "Kuno and I are the only ones that are here intentionally. If we go back to this morning and have Kuno make perverted remarks to you, he ought to get beaten repeatedly so badly that you won't have time to get to the time travel point. This will also erase that other Kuno back there, hopefully."

"But what about my training!" Kuno whined, "Master Happosai said he'd come back for me when he had enough panties!"

"Obviously, that never happened, because that woman back there was you after sitting around time for three years," Akane explained as the trio floated upward into a suddenly appearing cascade of colors.

Kuno blanched.

"As for us, we're gonna beat the 'evening you' up so that she can't chase Dr. Tofu," Akane told Haruko with a self satisfied smirk.

"Uh, what'll happen to me then?" Haruko asked.

"Well, I'm hoping that we'll have enough time to beat up the other you before you disappear," Akane smiled, deeply pleased with herself as she dropped Kuno off at the right time.

"Uh, doesn't that mean you'll disappear too?" Haruko asked as the two appeared on the rooftop where the other Haruko had just beaten down the other Akane.

"Damn," Akane took a fighting stance.

Akane looked up from the odd diagram. Everyone was gone and it had gotten dark all of a sudden. She looked down at the card and found the diagram gone. Odd... she couldn't even remember very clearly what it had looked like. She shivered and put the card in her satchel and started walking.

Ranma ran up to her and patted her rather obnoxiously on the back, "Yo! Long time no see, eh?"

"Ranma!" Akane gasped, "Where have you been? I was worried!"

"This yours?" Ranma handed her what looked like a bunny hand puppet.

"Hmm... Maybe?" Akane took it and looked at it closely, "Well, I feel like I've seen it before."

Wednesday...

Ranma entered his room to see a strange woman digging into his old gi, "Well well, time to play?"

AN 5/5/05: Don't worry too much about the temporal mechanics stuff, it's all sci-fi pseudo science. Well, I was halfway done with this chapter when I read the reviews that came out after chapter 16 was posted. There was more feedback than I expected (definitely a good thing). It kinda makes me want to actually go back and edit the old chapters. Of course, that brings up that problem with Ranma's thought balloons. Of course, future chapters 18,19,&20 are only kinda in framework right now. Several events and parts of the backstory have been planned since day one, but there is a LOT of leeway for changes in between the things that are set up. Basically, a lot of things are going to change, but it's not really going to be exactly like it was or has been. Obviously the Board is gone now, and... well... read the next chapter, willya?

Next Chapter: Crisis pt 1 of 1!


	16. Chapter 18: The Crisis

Disclaimer: If I hear that Oscar Meyer song one more time, I think I'll have a nervous breakdown. Oh yeah, and anything that isn't a blatant ripoff of something else is probably a subtle ripoff of something else. Thus, not mine.

The Inner Demon

Chapter 18: Crisis on Infinite Earths

Umm... no...

Chapter 18: Crisis in Infinite Nerimas

Er... okay, still not quite...

Chapter 18: Crisis in an Infinitely Messed Up Nerima

Fine. If you feel that way.

Somewhere in the Pacific Ocean, not too far from Hawaii...

A silver skinned man wearing a green cloak rose from the waters and was momentarily groggy, "How long have I been out?" Suddenly an image flickered across his mind and he flew in haste toward land.

Queklain had been trying to tan on the beach when the man arrived, "Hey! Look at me and feel de fear! Dis in't a mask."

The man looked at Queklain in disgust and vaporized him with a single silver energy ray from his green gloved palm.

"It appears that much time has passed since I was last counted among those that walk this Earth," He spoke cryptically, "Know that The Spectre has returned."

Part 1: Section 9? Gotcha!

Ranma instantly stood and cracked his knuckles.

The woman snorted derisively and vanished with an electrical sound.

Ranma shrugged and faded from view himself.

Several blocks down the road, the woman reappeared and spoke aloud, "So you can see me."

Ranma reappeared, "Broad daylight, right?"

Pedestrians sensed a fight coming and cleared away. Some still had casts, crutches, and such from similar incidents.

The woman drew an automatic weapon of some sort and opened fire.

Ranma seemed to simply step out of the way of each bullet, "Impossible!"

"Nothing's impossible, Y'know?" He suddenly materialized close by and slapped her.

"What? You _slapped _me?" She seemed utterly incredulous.

Ranma took that opportunity to sweep her and pick up her weapon, which he promptly ate, "Yum."

The woman looked at him with goggle eyes from her prone position, "What _are_ you?"

Ranma kicked her across the street and proceeded to leap after her.

The woman raised her left arm. Her hand bent back to unleash a salvo of small rockets.

Ranma casually hopped from rocket to rocket until he reached her.

"click," the arm sounded. Despite unloading all of her rockets and causing a nice bit of collateral damage, she hadn't so much as grazed the boy, who grinned menacingly before grazing _her_ with a light kick that sent her flailing awkwardly through the air and painfully into the pavement.

Ranma approached with a sinister chuckle.

Just as he reached her, she drew a knife, stood, and brought the knife through the air in a wide arc.

Ranma smashed the blade with his bare hand and then grabbed her wrist, "Now, now, what did your parents tell you about playing with sharp objects?" He gave her a hard knee to the gut, followed by a front kick that sent her clear across the street again.

He clearly intended to follow her when something caught his attention, "Someone left a baby alone in the park with candy!" He bounded off, presumably, to a park that wasn't covered in rubble.

Later...

"It won't happen again, sir!" the woman shouted with a pleading tone.

"No, it won't Major," Herb sat on his special throne in his dungeon room, "Go to Lab 32 and get yourself cleaned up. Retrieval of Lan Tsu has afforded us some insights into certain modifications that can be made to improve your effectiveness."

The Major stood and bowed deeply before exiting.

"It is clear that the fat has hit the fire," Herb muttered, "Soon, I may have to take matters into my own hands." He stood and flexed his arms, "I think I've already recovered. Kodachi, it is time to collect the other sailors."

Tofu's Clinic, Thursday...

Kodachi had been Herb's spy among the Sailors from the first. She'd long ago guessed what the Sailors really were, and made a deal with Herb to made her the 'Magical Pretty Princess', which would, of course, mean that she'd be spared. Then the shrivelled midget woman Cologne showed up with the Magical Pretty power. That meant that Herb was just using her. Not that that surprised her.

"Okay, we've got to get out of Japan ASAP," Kodachi said to Cologne and Kasumi, "It's the only way that we can be sure to prolong our lives."

"I don't know, our techno babble about us being the enemies of bad things seemed awfully convincing," Kasumi said nervously.

"What, were we supposed to say that we were the pawns of an evil organization while Dr. Tofu and Herb were directly watching us?" Kodachi asked with a venomous look.

"But Dr. Tofu is such a nice man!" Kasumi protested, utterly ignorant of Kodachi's vitriole.

"Do you want to live?" Cologne spoke up, "Because I am tired of being a lab experiment."

Kasumi closed her eyes and thought, "Sorry about this Akane, Nabiki, Daddy..."

Soun felt a chill run down his spine.

"You're in cahoots with Herb, aren't you," Genma stated with a sinking feeling as he gazed about the Headquarters of the MIB-J, Ravenloft. There were many obvious metahumans here and there. It looked like a fairly loose high tech office. Genma sat in a conference room of some kind with bullet proof glass for walls. There were various runic diagrams on the glass that Genma realized would render the occupants invisible and almost invulnerable.

"We do not approve of Herb's methods, but you, of all people, ought to know the level of influence the Legacy has over us," Amon stated gravely.

"You know I could destroy you all in an instant?" Genma's tone took a peculiarly frightening aspect.

"Wonderful thing, Orbo," Amon snorted, "Besides, as long as you're here, Herb won't be able to kill you. The balance of power can be maintained."

"Balance of power, eh?" Genma scratched his chin thoughtfully.

"The Galactic Police's Earth representative vanished in that earthquake a few days ago. Missing, presumed dead," Amon informed Genma.

Konatsu had lost one of his false eyebrows.

"Damn, they were expensive too," he muttered.

"I thought you made them from construction paper," Mihoshi said, innocently.

Konatsu pouted indignantly, "Well, I found the safe house, so you can just keep your thoughts to yourself!"

Kiyone took a swig from her hip flask as she surveyed the seedy motel room around them. A motel that charges by the hour, what a find.

"I _say_," a thin man with a strong british accent and a rather bland tweed suit spoke in a book laden study somewhere in London, "Norbert, there is a _man_ at the gates that _says _he's here to _kill_ us."

"Well, Gilbert, we can't very well let _that_ happen, can we?" Norbert, a paunchy man with a gray mustache, similarly clad, replied.

"Shall I get the submachine guns?" a cockney boy dressed like a chimney sweep asked the two men.

"Indubitably, Edward," Gilbert answered.

Part 2: Ambition

Hiroshi watched as Big K was given a shiny coat of wax. He shivered in his bat boots at the thought of tromping through the city in a huge mech. He was going to step on everyone he could find!

Shin muttered something about getting a new job as he shifted around in his Robin costume.

"The Timeline has been repaired!" Zarela spoke as he materialized in the hanger.

"What?" Hiroshi seemed genuinely confused.

Gosunugi looked up from his Akane doll, "Don't worry about it."

"Okay," Hiroshi nodded as he climbed into the Big K.

"I am Herb Aldebaran," a voice echoed throughout the cave.

Zarela and Gosunkugi stood and stared into a dark corner of the cave hangar.

Gosunkugi transformed into Velius.

"My, my," a cloaked figure with a european sword decorated with a dragon motif. It was a claymore (large two handed sword), but the figure wielded it with ease in one hand, "Aren't you going to return my introduction?"

"Run!" Velius boomed at Hiroshi and Shin.

Aldebaran rushed forward and swiftly decapitated Zarela.

Hiroshi panicked and leapt from Big K, hitting the ground and running with a limp to an emergency elevator with Shin on his heels.

Zarela's body dissolved.

"All I wanted was to protect my family..."

Velius feinted and fired repeated blasts of green energy at Aldebaran, who swiftly deflected each one with a sweep of his sword.

Velius growled, "Flare!"

A huge ball of flame exploded around Aldebaran, who emerged in a dash, running Velius through with his claymore.

Velius staggered back.

Aldebaran pulled the sword free and made his way toward the elevator.

Velius exploded in a cacophony of light and sound.

"Akane! Only once did I ever speak to you! Alas!"

Hiroshi and Shin staggered out of the elevator's exit (a phone booth) and made their way hastily down the sidewalk.

An instant later, the phone booth shot into the air and crashed into the street, causing several auto accidents.

Aldebaran leapt from the hole in the ground left there and quickly overtook the pair. Shin dodged down an alley as Hiroshi took an impromptu fighting stance, "Stay back! I know Judo!"

Aldebaran chuckled. A sudden wind allowed Hiroshi to glance under the man's hood, "You! Why?"

Aldebaran growled and ran away.

Kiyone was writing something on a pad, Mihoshi was staring at the radiator, and Konatsu paced impatiently.

"If only we knew what happened to Ryoga," Konatsu muttered.

The door to the motel room flew off its hinges as the cloaked figure entered.

"Herb?" Konatsu squeeked.

"Correction. I am Herb Fomalhaut," the figure explained as he drew a dragon claymore, "And I am here to do what Lan Tsu failed to do!"

"That's in violation of..." Konatsu began before Kiyone grabbed him and launched the two of them through a nearby window while Mihoshi provided cover fire.

She ran down the street with Konatsu in a fireman's carry, "I apologize for acting out of my rank, sir, but we have to get you to safety."

"Waah!" Konatsu tried to wriggle free.

There was a sudden cry in the distance.

"All I wanted was Kiyone's approval..."

Kiyone gritted her teeth.

"Oh God!" Konatsu choked out, "He's coming here!"

Kiyone glanced back long enough to see Fomalhaut leaping toward them. She dropped Konatsu, "Run!" and drew her blaster.

Not fast enough, Konatsu had barely made a yard before Fomalhaut made a bound over Kiyone and took Konatsu down.

"Ukyo! I couldn't save you! Arg."

Kiyone turned, but Fomalhaut was gone, "What do I do now?"

Kodachi led Cologne and Kasumi to an experimental helicopter that waited in her backyard.

Before they could board, another Herb interposed himself between them and their escape route, "You are lucky that you are needed alive."

"Herb," Kodachi spit the name out.

"You may call me Herb Sol," the figure laughed, "Cologne, hold them."

Cologne grabbed hold of both of the others.

"You don't think I really trusted you, do you?" Sol laughed.

Karasuma was on look out when Herb Algol swept by her. She turned to fire, but he was inside Ravenloft before she could expend a single shot, "Amon! We have problems!"

"I knew it," Genma stood, "Now it has to be finished."

"Stay put!" Amon commanded as he left the conference room.

His first step out was his last.

"Gah! What will happen to Shampoo now?"

The figure entered the conference room, stepping over Amon's body.

"You aren't Herb," Genma spoke flatly.

"Correct. I am Herb Algol," The figure didn't make any further threatening move, but he _was_ dragging a dead psychic, so it stood to reason that that didn't make him any less dangerous, "This is your invitation to Hell, Genma Saotome."

Genma threw a bolt of energy that incinerated Algol on impact.

Legacy headquarters stood in ruins as the final Herb choked the cockney boy.

"Who... gurk... are you?" the boy gasped.

"Herb Polaris," The man spoke with cold hatred, "You could call me Herb Prime or just plain Herb, but I suppose you won't be calling much of anything anymore, eh?" The sentiment was punctuated with an audible crack.

Ranma stood at the damaged Cat Cafe, "Well, so much for that. I wonder if Haruko's making Okonomiyaki?"

Shampoo and Happologne caught him as he turned to leave.

"There is a grave disturbance in the...," Happologne began.

"Force?" Ranma chuckled.

"Yes, I suppose you could call the mystical ley fields a force of a kind," Happologne nodded.

"You've never seen Star Wars, have you?" Ranma deadpanned.

"I have seen wars fought amidst the stars if that's wh-,"

"No, that's not what I mean. Shut up," Ranma turned again.

"The world needs your help!" Happologne shouted irritably.

"Yeah, about that," Ranma spoke, "I'm gonna destroy the world today, so if you have any, like, vacation plans er anything, y'know..."

"..."

"Alright Saotome," Happologne narrowed her eyes shrewdly, "If you save the world, I'll let you marry Shampoo."

"Who's Shampoo?" Ranma blinked.

"Shampoo is Shampoo!" Shampoo stomped.

"?"

"Save the world or else!" Happologne punctuated the command with a thwap.

"Well, if you put it that way...," Ranma looked thoughtful.

Akane was just heading home from the still closed school when a rapidly moving figure stopped in front of her.

"Haruko?" Akane raised an eyebrow.

Haruko punched her in the gut really hard, "That's for last night!"

Kuno ran toward Akane from the other direction, "Akane! I was looking for you! It would seem that... uh oh."

Haruko gave Kuno a mean look, "I don't like you."

"Ah, I assure you that there doth be a logical explanation!" Kuno backed away.

"Didn't I tell you what would happen if I saw you again?" Haruko growled.

At this point, Akane stood and cold cocked Haruko, then proceeded to savagely beat her.

Kuno blinked.

Akane stood, panting, "There..."

"Er... I think we fixed time," Kuno peeped.

Akane gave him a killing glare, "I don't know what you're playing at, but you should go now."

Kuno nodded and walked calmly away.

Last Tuesday Night...

"You know what I've just realized?" Akane looked at the two Harukos, "I don't really care about Nerima at all. What do I care if this dinky little ward full of psychos and perverts gets erased from time? In fact, that would almost be merciful!"

"Uh... erased for all time?" the Haruko Akane was there to beat up asked.

"Yeah, if you... I... We... Haruko follows after the doc, then Nerima will be dissolved in time," the Haruko from the past explained.

"Well, if that happens, then my needlessly complex plans will all be for naught!" the rooftop Haruko exclaimed, horrified, "Thanks for the warning, Tofu ain't that important anyway."

"Oh no you don't!" Akane grabbed Haruko, "You are going to follow Dr. Tofu, and I am going to make sure that none of this crap ever happens!"

"You can't make me!" the rooftop Haruko stuck out her tongue.

Akane sputtered angrily for a bit, then beat the living heck out of the rooftop Haruko and sent the past Haruko into low orbit. Thus, she accomplished the goal that she hadn't intended to accomplish.

She then wandered the streets and ultimately into the woods, sputtering and screeching. If the powers that be are merciful, then she was probably overwritten by her other self.

Back to the present...

Ranma, Shampoo, and Happologne managed to gather Kuno, Kiyone, Haruko, and Karasuma, the only MIB-J agent known to survive Herb's assault, in the Cat Cafe, which was obviously out of business at the moment.

"Herb is behind all of the monster attacks and has stolen from our Mr. Saotome here several stones of great mystical potential," Happologne addressed the people present, "He has destroyed the organizations that police such things as well as our connection with the Galactic Police and the other MIB. It should go without saying that, whatever he intends, the consequences of his success will be dire indeed. We are the only ones with the knowledge to stop him."

"What can we do to thwart the fiend?" Kuno asked.

"First, neither you nor Ms. Haruhara can use your sailor powers," Happologne answered, "If our conjectures are correct, based on input from all of you, then it is essential that your power take no further root in your souls."

"Then how am I to aid you if not as one of the repulsive sailors?" Kuno asked.

"Are you not a 'peerless' swordsman?" Happologne asked mockingly.

"Indeed I believed I was, but I recently found myself bodily transported past time as I understand it and have come to think that perhaps I am not so great," Kuno admitted.

"Sometimes one must be content to take a supporting role," Happologne told him.

"Enough!" Kiyone started, "We know where Herb is! Let's plan an attack."

"Indeed," Happologne nodded, "He has a small base of operations here in Tokyo that is virtually unguarded. Mr. Saotome, Shampoo, Ms. Haruhara, and Ms. Karasuma will attack this base while Officer Kiyone, Mr. Kuno, and I gather more information. Herb is quite powerful and may have taken special precautions. It may become necessary to fall back and regroup, in which case we will be able to strike Herb's pursuing forces in a pincer attack with secondary forces and redouble our assault."

"Got that?" Ranma asked with an irritating smirk, as though he knew something that the others didn't.

"Yeah, about this," Kiyone spoke through her teeth, "Why is _he _with the assault group?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Happologne asked with a similar smirk.

Ten minutes later... in front of a flower shop...

"_This_ is Herb's base?" Karasuma asked incredulously.

"Haruko need find switch on roof," Shampoo ordered.

"Find it yerself," Haruko gave a dismissive wave of the hand.

"Only spatula girl can find it!" Shampoo growled, "Shampoo no like this more than spatula girl."

"Fine, fine," Haruko snorted and leapt amazingly to the roof of the three story building in one bound.

"Now, pig girl need go in and watch for secret entrance opening," Shampoo told Karasuma, who muttered something under her breath before entering.

A moment later, Karasuma flew through the window. Ryoga sans bandanna leapt through the gaping hole and stood before Ranma and Shampoo as pedestrians dashed for cover. A car swerved to avoid the rising Karasuma and ploughed into another car. As Karasuma reached her feet, she dove back to the relative safety of the sidewalk.

"Adramelk?" Ranma asked Ryoga.

"Wrong," Ryoga punched Ranma hard enough to send him flying through the building across the street. Ryoga unleashed a loud war cry as he leapt over the wreckage in the street and pursued Ranma.

Shampoo helped Karasuma and urged her back into the shop, "We must be hurrying!"

Part 3: Is This Really Much of a Crisis?

Shampoo dashed into an alcove in a wall amidst flowers and gunfire as Karasuma covered her as best as possible. They made their way down a spiral staircase into the first basement. Haruko was already waiting for them in from of an ominous door.

They nodded seriously to one another before bursting through and quickly surveying the area. Nabiki Tendo lay on the ground, clearly out of it as a woman with purple hair and piercing red irised eyes choked Akane, who struggled in the woman's grasp, "Where are the other Sailors?"

Karasuma drew a bead on the woman's head and fired, only to witness the bullet ricochet as though it had struck metal.

The woman dropped Akane, who seemed to sink into a stupor, and turned to face the intruders, "Perhaps you can tell me?"

Haruko laughed and drew her spatula.

Karasuma stumbled a bit and began to summon her eldritch pig.

Shampoo brandished her bonbori.

The woman drew a submachine gun, "What, no introduction?"

Then all hell broke loose.

Karasuma and Shampoo dove for cover behind columns that were placed haphazardly about the room. The room was dimly lit and some of the rugs that lay about concealed pits, as Shampoo discovered after nearly falling, "Aiyaah!"

Haruko leapt into the hail and somehow _dodged_ the bullets, which couldn't even be seen. She brought the spatula against the woman's head.

CRASH!

Ryoga threw another punch, sending Ranma flailing into a streetlight.

"Gah! What is wrong with you now?" Ranma flinched as he bounced backward to avoid another one of those punches.

"You killed Haruko! You piece of crap!" Ryoga shouted as he shattered a nearby wall.

"Oh? Then why does she endlessly pester me, eh?" Ranma laughed as he narrowly avoided a left hook, "You don't believe in ghosts, do you?"

"You've tortured me for years!"

"Like?"

"How about Jusenkyo? Or Hokkaido? Or virtually any time we've met?"

"Let me introduce you to the concept of mental manipulation."

"What?"

"You see, both of us are unique beings of immense power, but we have one achilles heel."

Herb looked at the red gem in its ornate case and chuckled, "I never thought it would be this easy to find the phoenix stone!"

"With the right knowledge, anyone can alter the mind of anyone else," Ranma adopted a serious look.

"Are you saying the Devil made you do it?"

"I'm saying that I have very little memory of doing much of anything in your presence, much less _to _you."

Ryoga growled and threw a hard kick that took the wind out of Ranma's sails, "Then who am I? Who am I?" Ryoga kept hammering Ranma, then sent him flying through another wall.

Ranma arose, surrounded in a blue aura, "As of this moment: Dead meat."

When the spatula-to-the-head attack failed, Haruko managed to disarm the woman of her gun by spraying her eyes with some kind of sauce and biting her wrist. It was like biting an aluminum can. Which really didn't bother Haruko too much.

Shampoo and Karasuma's pig attacked the woman from both sides. She took the hit, then backflipped and fired rockets from her hand, somehow. Since she couldn't see, the rockets flared wildly and hit random targets.

Karasuma managed to dodge long enough to scoop up Nabiki as Shampoo scooped up Akane. The pig took a few hits shielding them as Haruko emerged behind the woman and gave her a hard tap to the back of the head.

The stream of rockets ceased as the woman attempted a spinning backhand. All that she hit was a concealed iron door, which crumpled on impact.

"Ooh! Don't wanna get hit by that," Haruko commented.

The woman threw a knife in the direction of the voice, catching Haruko by surprise. She took the knife in the shoulder, "Urg!"

The woman then leapt into a flying kick at Haruko, but was intercepted by Shampoo's bonbori. The woman flailed into one of the columns, which fell over. Shampoo moved in for a deathblow just as Akane revived where she'd been laid down, "No! Down get near!"

It was too late. A bubble of energy emanated from the woman, paralyzing Shampoo, "What happening to Shampoo?"

The woman stood and threw one vicious punch after another, casually deflecting any attempt to rescue Shampoo.

Akane stood with a small chunk of a column shattered by rockets and hurled it with all of her strength.

It "clanged" against the woman's skull. She tottered for a bit, then just fell over.

Shampoo dropped to her knees.

"Akane?" Haruko looked genuinely confused.

"It's nothing big. I want to know why my home was attacked. Let's go on," Akane spoke seriously.

Shampoo decided to keep watch over Nabiki and the woman. Karasuma lent her the eldritch pig before she, Akane, and Haruko (who pulled that knife out when no one was watching) proceeded through the revealed door.

"What's next in this place?" Karasuma wondered as they made their way down another staircase.

Ryoga and Ranma were fighting like monsters, tearing through concrete and steel as though though putty and paper. People ran this way and that as a punch crushed a car or a kick took a chunk out of a building. The police had arrived at this point, but they had to settle for trying to create an orderly evacuation.

"You've gotten strong," Ranma spoke with an evil chuckle.

"You've gotten stronger," Ryoga growled.

"Let's end this!" Ranma bull rushed Ryoga.

Ryoga's battle fury grew more intense than ever as Ranma lifted him off of his feet in the charge and brought the two of them toward a seemingly random direction at full tilt.

Words from some deeply imprinted memory began to speak themselves through Ryoga's mouth, "Open seven doors to reach the bweeee!"

Ranma had sent both of them into a fire hydrant. P-chan was being held quite tightly by Ranma-chan, who muttered, "God, it would be so much easier just to be rid of you, but a promise is a promise. For now."

A large truck blared its horn. Ranma-chan looked up. A moment later...

Karasuma, Akane, and Haruko had descended the staircase and walked directly ahead, ignoring the rooms on their sides. At the end of the hall was a large iron door with a forboding dragon motif. Haruko smashed the door down with a single punch, "Knock Knock!"

It was like a room from a medieval dungeon. Dark stone walls, chains, a throne (throne?) and some kind of slick mold over everything. Dank and dark, what more could you want?

Of course, not all of the action in the room was directed toward the visual analysis of the mold, there was a black cloaked man standing behind the throne, facing away from them.

"I've been waiting for you," The man turned and revealed his face.

"Ranma?" Akane was shocked, did that mean that _Ranma _was the Kamaitachi?

"Actually, my proper name is Herb Aldebaran. You see, my 'parent' form has departed from this place to fulfill his destiny. I'm afraid you are much too late," Aldebaran laughed cruelly.

"Then I'll bet _you're _the one that's been haunting our dojo!" Akane screamed angrily.

"Come again?" Aldebaran blinked.

"DIE!" Akane leapt at Aldebaran and began to furiously whale on him with savage punches and kicks, knocking the throne over.

Haruko shivered.

"What... is she?" Karasuma asked, nervously

"Not very ladylike, that's for sure," Haruko said just prior to passing gas loudly, "That was you."

In a few moments, Akane dragged Aldebaran's shivering form over to the other two and laid him in front of them, "Where did Herb go?"

"Make it... stop... why?... why me?" Aldebaran began to sob softly.

Haruko nudged him lightly with her boot.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" he flailed and rocked.

"I think ya may a gone too far," Haruko commented.

"Uh... oops?" Akane looked embarassed.

Suddenly, a man in a tux rushed in looking dishevelled, "I'm sorry it took so long for me to get here, but the streets are a mess and...," He looked at the quiverring form of Aldebaran, "and... uh?"

"Who are you?" Karasuma asked.

"Chewbacca," the man replied grudgingly.

"You don't look hairy to me," Karasuma remarked seriously.

"Why does everyone tell me that?" Chewbacca roared.

"Er, well, I thought that this guy and Akane were the same person," Haruko scratched the back of her head.

"Are you saying you think I'm hairy?" Akane seemed confused, but that could change to anger in one wrong statement.

"No! I mean, I thought that you were, like, given magic powers or something by that creep, Tofu," Haruko chuckled nervously.

"And became a man?" Akane turned red. Uh oh.

"Uh... well... I thought something... happened a few days ago... with some Jusenkyo water...," Haruko fumbled through the words as Akane got redder and redder.

"Well, that's obviously wrong," Chewbacca broke in, "How could you think that, you goofball, you!" Chewbacca playfully rubbed Haruko's head.

"Well, we'd better leave and take Aldebaran with us before something worse happens," Karasuma spoke as she lifted Aldebaran in a fireman's carry and made her exit. Haruko followed hurriedly.

"That was close," Chewbacca muttered.

"Yeah," Akane breathed a sigh of relief, "Much more and they might've hit on something they don't need to hit on. Now let's hurry and go before they miss you."

Herb sat in a comfortable chair in his spacious cabin in the S.S. Limemint, gazing covetously at the pouch sitting on his desk. He had everything he needed now. If this plan didn't work, though, he still had three of the sailors.

Ed woke up with tread marks on her body and clutching a hyperventilating piglet, "Woooah! Did Ed fall down?" She looked around. Wreckage was everywhere, "Um. We'd better go, piggy!"

AN 5/12/05 : Chapter 18 down, two more to go. I don't think it'll take much of a guess to know where Herb is going. Probably, some of the "mysteries" in the story are painfully obvious to you by now. I'm going to promise that _something _will take you by surprise. Oh yeah, and I'm thinking about putting out some spin off "Inner Demon" stories about things like Genma's early travels and such. Just like one or two chapter stories. There are a lot of things that simply aren't going to be revealed in the scope of Demon. Already it has been noted that I try to say too much at once, so I may as well leave a few things vague. Whatever happens, I just want to get this one story done.


End file.
